For context our father is an insane, bigoted, controlling, and verbally abusive narcissist. He’s hyper critical of our appearance, mental disabilities, and performance; not because he cares about us doing well but that it reflects "badly" on him as a parent. I am able to perform barely better than them to meet our fathers expectations, but that doesn’t mean I don’t struggle or fail.
For short my youngest sibling is (YS) and my Little Brother (LB).
Late last year YS (19) invited LB (23) and I (25) to watch an animated movie that had come out on a certain red streaming service that quite literally everyone was talking about. We usually like watching movies together, usually riffing on bad movies, and since YS is a complete shut in who barely talks with us we take the opportunity to spend time with them as we’ve know to let them come to us and not pressure them. YS is diagnosed ADHD, and has incredible audio sensory issues.
We’re watching the movie and it turns out LB and I really get into it and are having a good time, but YS was watching it thinking us to be riffing on it and is complaining.
I ask YS to tone it back, telling them that we’re actually liking the movie. Multiple times. They don’t stop until the movie is over.
The flareup came when LS brought up their new favorite shows. I won’t name them, multiple encounters in the past with the fandoms of these shows have driven me off of daring to name them lest they come. I will say that while in these spaces I’ve observed extreme levels of bigotry, which is out of place because these shows are relatively progressive. Cosplayers in *blackface* levels bad.
Now I don’t care that YS likes the shows, you like what you like, and it’s only your actions to others I take issues with. That being said their actions do kinda line up with the fandom. I do vocal impressions of certain characters but they always use AI instead of asking me to record lines for them (for free cause I want to do it) and they say they won’t use me because I won’t call people the N word.
So when they brought it up I just said that I felt like the show lost quality after a while. I said it as an opinion, didn’t say anything about them, and honestly didn’t figure it was a big deal since they were vocal about not enjoying that movie. I also told them that I do understand why they are so attached to the shows, a certain character who has her world effectively ruined by a self obsessed father, and that I am open to talking to them about our father. And since they’re a shut in I didn’t hear what they did in response for hours afterwards.
I check discord to see they’ve exploded at me, calling me a narcissist and attempting to incite discomtempt in our DnD group before blocking me and going full no contact.
I feel awful so if I am the asshole can someone please drill into me where I went wrong? I barely see them, but they’re the person who knows what I go through the best and if I lose them I’ll feel as alone as ever.
NTA. I think this isn’t about the show at all. It sounds like there’s a lot of unresolved stuff between you two. But your actual comment? Pretty harmless.
It sounds like you were trying to express your opinion and set boundaries, which is completely valid. However, considering the sensitive dynamics with your siblings and the history of your family situation, maybe it was just the timing and delivery that made it come across as more critical than you intended. It could also be that they felt attacked, especially if they are really attached to the show. Communication can be tricky in these situations, and it seems like they might have internalized your comments more than you expected.
Any idea on what I could say to them to maybe start a conversation?
I suck at in person communication, like the words come out of my mouth faster than I can think them sometimes. Our main method of communication was discord as when I type things out I’m better able to think my words through. I have no doubt this has caused trouble between us in the past but I’m quick to apologize and clarify when I mess up. Discord is also where this conversation happened.
INFO: Your brother makes fanfiction of this show and you want to do the voices but he won’t let you?
Tik Toks I believe, and it was from before it came out.
Specifically I do an Optimus Prime impression.
Also I might have messed up somewhere by accident but YS is non binary, so not my brother. LB is my only brother.
Yes, you ARE TA! Stop making things about YOU! If YOU have an issue with your father, that is a YOU issue, if YOU have an issue with your siblings, that is a YOU issue! The fact that YOU have to play a VICTIM card by pointing out that you have a disability, substandard or different appearance, or lack the ability to perform at an acceptable level, speaks volumes to your personality, and ‘please pity me’ mentality! Regardless of any issues that you may currently have with your siblings, your real problem is that you lack ability to take control of your own life, without putting up self imposed labels and barriers, that are prohibiting you from success. STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR WHY YOU CAN’T, and simply start DOING!
This just sounds like three siblings raised in chaos who never learned how to communicate well. You weren’t wrong for liking the movie or thinking the show declined. With a dad like that, even small opinions can hit deeper than they should. This feels more like old hurt than anyone being a villain.
I’m sorry this breakdown has occurred. I believe it’s important to always follow your own moral compass and be aware that we cannot control anyone else but must be cognisant of our own impact. I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. Perhaps the only way to reach YS is to go in person with a lot of patience, knocking at their bedroom door until you’re let in again. Good luck. I hope you all find peace and autonomy away from your family home.
YTA, but not for disliking the show.
You are not wrong for having an opinion. You are wrong for timing and framing.
You knew this sibling is sensitive, isolated, and deeply attached to those shows. You also knew the attachment is likely tied to trauma around your father. Instead of just disagreeing, you pivoted into commentary about the show declining and then connected a character’s ruined world to your shared abusive parent. That may have felt insightful to you. To them, it probably felt exposed and analyzed.
Not everything needs to be dissected.
Also, bringing up fandom bigotry and AI voice lines while saying you “do not care what they like” reads as layered judgment. You may believe you were being neutral. They likely felt criticized on multiple fronts.
This is less about media taste and more about safety. If they already struggle with trust and emotional regulation, even mild critique can land as attack.
If you want repair, drop the analysis. Keep it simple. “I am sorry I hurt you. I was not trying to criticize you. I value you.” No commentary about the father. No justification.
You cannot out reason someone’s emotional reaction. You can only lower the temperature.