This girl and I have been friends for 6 years. I don’t go “all out” for everyone considering I have quite a bit of friends, a partner, family, and coworkers that I get gifts for. For Christmas, birthdays, celebrations, etc.
My “all out” isn’t $500+ per person or anything crazy given I have other financial obligations but for those friends, I’ll spend 100-150+ on thoughtful gifts that I know they’d love and could use frequently. I’ve also made thoughtful things like a rosary cross necklace for a friend who was becoming more in touch with their religion. I do not expect My friends to blow a paycheck on me, but that if I’m doing kind things to show my appreciation, I’d like it to be reciprocated. Every year I’ve gotten this friend gifts for birthdays, Christmas, as well as picking things out for her when I am on vacation that remind me of her. Out of those 6 years, she has gotten me 2 things, a purple top (I only tend to wear neutral colors), and a lighter. So for her birthday this year, I did not get or make her anything and she put up a fuss about it and spoke about me behind my back that we have been friends for 6 years but I did not get her anything.
NTA
She’s not a friend. Her response shows that.
She just liked the free stuff.
NTA. Gifts are not supposed to be expected.
NTA.
If you want to be petty: “Oh, I didn’t want you to feel guilty for not reciprocating, I’d hate to make you feel bad if you can’t afford to buy me presents in return”.
Six years of thoughtful gifts and you got… a random purple top and a lighter? That’s not even about money — that’s about effort. Reciprocity matters.
“I assumed you didn’t want to exchange gifts as it is never reciprocated. Would you like to exchange gifts with me going forward?”
NAH. You guys obviously don’t see gift giving the same way, and that’s ok. We buy gifts for people to bring them joy, not so we can get something in return. Next time, talk to your friend first. This could have been avoided if you had a conversation.
The two biggest expectations that anyone should have in any type of relationship are loyalty and trust. Outside of that everything else is based on the relationship. But GIFTS are NEVER an acceptable expectation and if the friend literally called you out the ONE time you didn’t get them a gift that is just plain entitlement and over expectations. If you’ve been friends for 6 years you absolutely definitely have the right to call them on their carp and let the chips fall how they may.
NTA. A friendship should not be based on gifts.
100% NTA
Do unto others as you would like them to do to you 🤷🏼♀️ If she ain’t gettin you gifts, she ain’t gettin gifts. It’s what her actions have spoken for her.
NTA. The best present I’ve ever received from anyone is not having to buy them presents.
NTA but always remember that you do not give to receive and that isn’t an expectation you should put on others.
ESH
You: Giving gifts shouldn’t be contingent on receiving gifts.
Her: No one is owed a gift.
Communication is key. If you have an issue with a friend, talk to them about it instead of holding it in until you do something that damages your relationship.
NTA.
Her reaction to you not getting her a gift this year and the two very low effort gifts she got you shows what you mean to her.
This woman isn’t your friend OP