AITA for not celebrating my daughters birthday when she came back.
I (39)F Jueal is married to my husband (42)M Timerd. For privacy reasons we wont use our real names. Some backstory, I met my husband Timerd when I was 16 and he was 19. I was a junior in high-school at that time as I was the youngest in my grade as for my husband he was a senior in the school in the same town I was in . I was born into a very strong and strict French family in the suburbs of northern Canada. My husband and I first met in a club for a bunch of teenagers that wanted to go against parents wills. We talked alot for a few months. and we planned to get married right when I get out of highschool. So when I graduated we got married and moved to hawaii, had 2 kids as mentioned earlier. When the kids grew enough to move we moved to a small town in Japan. My parents lived there and recently decided that they’re going to move in with me and my family. I forgot to mention that we were a little Japanese due to my dad’s side being 80% Japanese. Ever since we moved In my eldest (16f) at that time was very mentally unwell which I didn’t believe. She had a lot of friends and most of the time she spent time her Bible or brother. A few months later. She was admitted to an mental hospital ( for reasons i wont state.) A few months before her birthday.This whole experience was very traumatized for us as a family and for her close friends.She was in a good highschool with a good program. The hospital estimated her stay would be around 5 -6 months And her birthday is in 3 months. I’m sorry if this is messy my sons very mad me and I’m overwhelmed. Her birthday passed and it’s been 3months since. her brother (14) m thought that we would do something for her birthday. to add we didn’t do on the day of her birthday. We figured that she probably celebrated it in the hospital with her friends the staff some didn’t want to waste money since we weren’t the richest and have not fully moved In yet. We wanted to save money to hopefully get a bigger place to fit our large family. My daughter didn’t seem to mind that we didn’t celebrate her birthday. although she told me she wanted to go hangout with her friends instead of doing a big celebration. My son wasn’t pleased about the fact that we didn’t anything and hasn’t talked me expect when was gettimg picked up and dropped off at school that was 1 week ago now. my husband and I have talked about it and we don’t see what has been done wrong AITA?
look.. your daughter came out of a mental hospital and you couldn’t even get a cake? you dont need money for that. a card, her favorite meal, literally anything that says “we see you and we’re glad you’re home.” your son gets it and he’s 14. the fact that you “didn’t believe” her mental health struggles and then skipped her birthday.. thats not saving money thats failing her. he’s right to be upset
**(YTA)**
1. Is money the only reason you didn’t do anything for your daughter’s birthday?
2. Would it have been possible to arrange a hangout with her friends?
My mother did this to me because I was on vacation on my actual birthday. I am an adult. It still hurts. YTA.
YTA
You know you damaged her mental health more. To her you forgot her birthday, to her you dont care and frankly reddit thinks you dont care either.
Wtf is wrong with you? Pathetic excuses like i thought or i assumed dont work. If you cared at all you would or rang the hospital to find out what you could do for her birthday.
Pathetic excuse for a mother….and I use that word very loosely
I hate big celebrations, but I appreciate the acknowledgment with a balloon from dollar tree and cheap cake from the grocery store, or those cakes from Costco. You don’t need to spend a lot of money to celebrate your own kids birthday. Even if she did spend her birthday with her friends, as a mother myself I would have simply scheduled to celebrate the following weekend so the kids can do what they want. Her going through mental issue, is even more reason to make her feel loved and wanted. This isn’t about YOU. Are you the asshole, yes.
seems like you’re jumping through hoops to rationalize why you couldn’t do the bare minimum for your daughter on her birthday. You could’ve done *anything* but instead you ignored her like you ignored her mental health. so yeah YTA
YTA – you talk about how this is traumatising for YOU and not once did you make a comment showing concern for your daughter. So selfish.
You didn’t even acknowledge her birthday let alone celebrate it and you’re still making it all about you.
I’m glad your son is not blind to this and can see you for how awful you are.
Yta.
YTA. Your daughter was in a psych ward and you couldn’t spare $20.
YTA and a bad mother.
YTA. That’s your DAUGHTER. She didn’t ask to be born, you chose to bring her into this world.
Smarten up.
I’m hoping a lot has been lost in translation/ lack of information, but you didn’t go and see your daughter on her birthday when she is in a mental health facility, and assumed she would have been celebrated by the staff????? Are you for real? You don’t even bother to see her? No wonder she has mental health problems.
Also all of this moving countries business isn’t helpful for her either. You’ve got money to keep relocating internationally, but not for a small token for your daughter to tell her you love her on her bday? Wow
Your son sounds tender hearted and thoughtful. You-not so much
YTA and a shitty parent