keeping it vague and short since im scared, will probably delete later
one of my friends has been having some issues ( nothing serious/life threatening ) , and for the past month or so has been constantly talking to me about it.
for context, he had explicity stated multiple times that the only reason he even speaks to me about this/in general about his problems is that " he knows i have no one else that i could spread this information in our mutual social circle "
whenever he talks to me, its more like me listening to him rant about his worries and me ocasionally saying what i think, only for him to circle around over and over again.
i dont really mind, but it does get repetitive and a bit tiring.
he has also told me on a few ocasions that he likes for people to know about his issues for attention i think ( which is a bit self contradicting but i digress )
i was talking to my online friend and i talked to him about my in real life’s friends issues mostly for chit chatter. but then i realized that this online friend actually knows a lot about the issues he is facing ( much better than i ) and i know for a fact he is genuienly a good person, so i suggested that it might be fun to get on a call all of us so they can talk. my online friend agreed, and i messaged my real life friend telling him straight what i did.
he agreed to talk with him, and my friend gave him some pretty good advice, he talked back to him, and we all even joked and laughed over some memes.
when it was over i messaged my real friend to ask him how it was, and he suddenly tells me that it was horrible ( even though he actively talked and joked with my other friend ) then he hits me with the " Its good to know that I should never talk about my problems again."
in my mind, i know i might’ve crossed the line a bit, but at the same time he is the one who constantly wants advice and for people to know his problems, and i didnt talk behind his back to people we both know in real life.
this sittuation left a knot in my stomach because i just wanted to help, and i genuienly thought that an outside opinion from someone who isn’t involved might help him ( since hell, i have no experience about his issues )
So he vents to you because you’re a ‘safe vault,’ admits he likes attention, agrees to talk to someone new, laughs the whole time… and then unlocks the secret bonus level: Emotional Plot Twist. You didn’t betray him, you accidentally upgraded his support from ‘free trial therapist’ to ‘multiplayer mode.’ He just wasn’t ready for the patch notes.
sorry, what do you mean exactly by multiplayer mode? my english isnt that good
[deleted]
oh got it many thanks
[deleted]
i mean… he was the center of attention, that was the point of the call… and im not sure if i made it clear in the post, but i talked about his issues \*before\* i asked him about the call.
if i didn’t ask him to join, he wouldnt have known i even talked about it
[deleted]
oh ok i got it, thank you!
YTA.
He told you he was only telling you cause he trusted you to not tell anyone. Now, you don’t have to keep such secrets. At anytime, you could’ve told him you don’t like carrying that kind of weight and you can’t be his secert keeper. But you didn’t do that.
You didn’t tell him “hey I have this friend who could probably help, we should 3 way and then YOU can tell him and see what he has to say.”
Instead, you just broke his trust. That he is attention seeking or vents too much doesn’t mean he deserves to have the trust commitments you made be broken.
So now he knows what you should’ve told him.
i understand, thank you
you tried to help but he just wanted to vent, not solutions. next time, just listen and nod. sometimes people don’t want help, just an ear. kind of annoying but it is what it is.
YTA it was for your ears only
It isn’t your job to “fix” them – or to bring in people you think “might help.”
You violated his confidence.
YTA – if that means you don’t want to hear about his issues, *tell him that* and be done with it.