My brother is getting married in a few months. Before I met my girlfriend, I asked my friend "Olivia" if she wanted to be my plus one, she said yes.
About 6 months ago I started dating my girlfriend. I eventually asked her if she wanted to come to the wedding instead of Olivia and she accepted, albeit somewhat anxious. However, now that the date is closer I’ve been reconsidering. The wedding will be very large and busy. My girlfriend has social anxiety and hasn’t met my family yet. Plus, my parents are quite old fashioned, and since my girlfriend is transgender I’m worried the environment might be stressful/unwelcoming for her.
I told her that I think it’s better if I take Olivia instead, and that I don’t think she will enjoy herself there.
She told me she was upset that I was choosing Olivia over her for my brother’s wedding, but she eventually said it was okay. Since, she’s been quiet and distant since, and we’ve barely spoken. I feel like I was looking out for her, but she seems to feel excluded.
AITA?
YTA. This is just giving “I’m ashamed and worry my family will say mean thing.” I get girls anxious about going, but if she’s willing to step out of the comfort zone and go, let her. Just telling her “you probably won’t be able to handle it and my family probably won’t be happy to meet you” is just rude, childish behavior. Grow up and be there for your girlfriend or let her go find someone who will
is this a joke? of course you’re TA, either you reconsider again or you’re losing her.
YTA, sorry op but that should’ve been a conversation between you and the gf before you summarily decided to take another woman to a wedding.
If she said she wanted to go and would deal with the anxiety, thats her prerogative. Even if she said she didnt want to go, taking the girl you asked before you met, is still a pretty bad look IMO.
Edit: grammar
Sorry, but in my book, you’re a double AH!
Firstly, you invited Olivia and without a second thought, happily jettisoned her for your GF: AH move number one.
Secondly, without discussing this with your GF, you have decided that you know better than your GF what is good for her and have reinstated Olivia: AH move number 2.
Frankly, you’ll be lucky if either of them want to know you, let alone go with you!
Radical concept here: why not try talking with them first before you decide…
Absolutely unquestionably YTA!
YTA. not only did you uninvite her but you made the decision for her instead of consulting her. it should have been her choice if she still wanted to attend if you thought the environment would be stressful.
YTA. It’s disrespectful to take another girl as a date to a family wedding when you have a girlfriend. If you think it’s too soon in the relationship to take your girlfriend and introduce her to everyone then fine, but then you should just go alone.
Yta and an idiot
YTA.
You invited her! She can decide if she wants to go or not. You can rescind the invite without being an asshole.
YTA massively – go with the actual person you’re dating and stand for and with them ir go along. WTF do you think it’s appropriate to take a date to a family wedding when you have a SO?
YTA
You should have discussed this with your girlfriend BEFORE changing your mind (again).
The way you handled this, she likely feels you are embarrassed to be seen by your family/friends with a transgender woman. How would you feel in her position?
YTA
You just told her it would be better to take your friend, so you literally chose your friend over your girlfriend. It doesn’t sound like you asked your girlfriend if she would rather not go and you take your friend instead, you basically uninvited your girlfriend. If you are a coward about facing “traditional” family etc with your trans girlfriend on your arm then you should just break up with her so she can find someone else.
You are literally excluding her, even from the decision of whether she attends with you. That sucks.
YTA. You already had a date, your first AH move was switching them out in the first place and you compounded your error by throwing out the Uno reverse. I don’t think you need to worry about introducing your gf to your parents. Probably ever.
OP are you seriously this oblivious? Or are you really this malicious and mean?
You are absolutely TA.
Please have the courage to actually break up with your girlfriend, or grovel out some serious apologies to her and try to make amends.
I cannot believe someone could be this obtuse, or this mean.
YTA had she said she wasn’t comfortable and didn’t want to go, this would have been a fine arrangement. That isn’t the case. You made hugely wrong assumptions and rescinded an invite to take someone else. You will be more comfortable without her there and are making excuses for it.