My sister in law (my brother’s wife) offered to make me a sweater. I am also a knitter and I understand the time and effort that goes into a project. I said yes, but asked if I could pick out the color and also said I would happily pay for the yarn. She declined and said she wanted it as an excuse to use up her stash. She is a big time “tee hee I have a stash beyond life expectancy!” type.
She finished the sweater for me, and it fit great but was in a beige color that I would never wear. I’m a soft autumn who favors plums, roses, terra cottas, olives, etc. I don’t like plain colors very much. But I loved the look of the sweater, so I ended up dyeing it to a pretty green. I reach for it all the time.
I wore it when I was hanging out with family, and she was there. She said it looked like the one she’d made me. I said that it was, but I’d dyed it. She stared at me for a long time and finally said “I wish you would have told me you were going to do something like that. I wouldn’t have wasted my malabrigo on you.”
I was taken aback and told her that I absolutely loved the sweater, I just would have never worn it as a beige sweater. She got the sour lemon look on her face and said she would keep in mind to never knit anything for me ever again. She got up and left the room and I didn’t talk to her the rest of the night. I live in a different city than my family, so I probably won’t see her again for a while.
She has every right to not knit for me again, but was dyeing that sweater really that big of a deal? I thought it would be better for me to dye it a color I would wear than for me to never wear it. AITA?
Hi. Knitter and yarn snob here.
NTA, and you can tell her Malabrigo is not that special and she should have listened to you about the color in the first place
Very torn on this one because while I always check patterns and colours with knit giftees… I do know malabrigo is a big deal to a lot of people. Like it’s $20+ a skein and usually hand painted, isn’t it?
I think OP has every right to dye her sweater to a colour she loves but I would also be a little taken back if someone over dyed one of the precious and limited yarns in my stash. Like I’d wouldn’t be mad but I’d have to unpack my feelings on that one privately and it might be awhile before I knit for them again.
And for folks who don’t have stashes, it’s not extra yarn you don’t want (usually), it’s often precious, rare, favourite, or expensive yarn that you’ve been saving for a special occasion.
In an similar thing, when my dad proposed to his wife, we designed the engagement ring. Her first husband gave her a large diamond and rubies so my dad got her a smaller but extremely high quality diamond set to look like a flower with good quality emeralds as leaves and emerald chips on the band. He (and I, as a sidekick) put time and care into that, we studied gem stones, we spoke to jewelers. At some point during their marriage my stepmother had the emeralds replaced with diamonds, all of them. She likes it better and she’s allowed to have a ring she likes but it hurt my dad’s feelings. He said once, “the best gift I could give her wasn’t good enough”.
So, NAH. OP is allowed to have a sweater she loves and do whatever she wants with the gift she was given. The knitter is allowed to feel a little taken back and like her gift wasn’t good enough
But who TF buys beige malabrigo? If it were a special color line sure I’d be annoyed, like color of the year or the zodiac line or something. (Of course if I were knitting a sweater for someone and knew they cared about the color, I’d let them pick from SQs.) As a knitter, NTA and it seems like SIL is a lot.
Agree, you buy Malabrigo for the beautiful color ways, not sad beige. And the sil admitted she only wanted to make it so she could “use up her stash”. It’s ridiculous of her to be mad, especially since op is also a knitter and likely knew how to dye it properly.NTA
The “using up my stash” comment would have indicated to me that the SIL wasn’t bothered about the colour, therefore wouldn’t have cared if it was dyed afterwards. You know? It’s not like SIL said they specifically picked out a special colour for OP. In fact they disregarded OP’s request to pick a colour.
SIL was trying to GET RID of the sad beige pile. Right?? So why does she care what colour OP dyes it?? At least OP is wearing it!!
Also BEIGE MALABRIGO?!?! Why buy Malabrigo if you’re gonna buy BEIGE
NTA. She specifically said she was “Using up her stash”. This implies she was using yarn she wanted to get rid of, and the color was secondary.
NTA. She presented the gift as an opportunity to use up old wool, and you dyed it in a color that appealed to you. No reasonable person would dictate how to enjoy a gift. It’s like insisting someone eat a cake with only coffee rather than a tea they love.
Not a knitter, crocheter here.. NTA.
I would never make a sweater for someone without getting input on the color first, even if I’m using yarn out of my stash. I want my gifts to be used, not shoved in the back of a closet to never be used.
Not after you had offered to purchase the yarn in the first place , and she was just using up old stock and wouldn’t even let you pick the colour …. you’d think that shed be happy that you loved it enough to make it more wearable for you.
NTA. Not to sound snobbish, but Malabrigo is hardly anything to get worked up over.
I’m a huge knitter and crafter, I’d be so happy if someone dyed a sweater I knitted into something they liked! It’s way better than never wearing it, donating it, or throwing it away. Why is she mad if she got to use her stash yarn? She needs to chill out
NTA. She used non-dyed malabrigo. Now, I love working with malabrigo, it is soft and lovely, but it also dyes so beautifully. SO…. you dyed it. You turned a sweater you liked the pattern on into something you love, and she made it. What is the problem? Now, if you requested that color and then dyed it, maybe there would be something to complain about, but even then, you are still wearing it, she STILL made it and STILL used her stash. Also, I am a knitter. I love using a lot of different yarns and often use malabrigo. But hands down, NTA.
She wanted an excuse to use up her stash, but now she “wasted it” on you? Bullshit xD
NTA.
NAH.
When you asked to pick the color and pay for the yarn from the beginning, that should have been a sign to her that you’re a wee bit picky (I do **not** mean that with any negative connotation; there is nothing wrong with having preferences).
The smart thing for her to have done would have been to ask you if you liked the beige color from the beginning or given you choices from her “stash.”
I get that she probably wanted to surprise you, and that she wanted to use high quality materials for you out of love; pero like, don’t you want the people who receive your presents to use them?
Idk anything about color analysis beyond recognizing that’s what “warm autumn” was referring to. But I know that some people just can’t wear certain colors without looking sickly or naked. I can’t wear most yellows, if I do I literally get asked “do you feel okay?” by everyone. It’s a thing.
You took a generous present, and made sure you could use it. I guess you could have given her a heads up. But not doing so doesn’t make you and asshole about it.
Apologize for the misunderstanding (not the behavior). Reaffirm to her that you adore the sweater: the craftmanship, fit, pattern choice, all of it, AND you wanted it to be something you could wear often, not just when you have a tan, because beige washes you out (or whatever the explanation is). You dyed it BECAUSE you loved it so much. If you didn’t actually like it, you would have left it beige and only worn it when you were going to see her. You appreciate and completely understand the amount of love and work she put into it. You’re so so sorry for unintentionally hurting her feelings–just because it was unintentional, doesn’t mean the hurt isn’t real. What can you two do together to reconcile because you were excited to have another knitter in the family and a way to bond with her?
You can even offer to knit her a sweater in return or set up recurring virtual girls nights where you knit together. etc.