I have two daughters (18 and 17) and a son who is 15. We are not a wealthy family by any means. I don’t want to go into too much detail, but I think it would be fair to say that we’re basically working class. I have very little room to splurge and am still paying off a mortgage and some debts (incurred after a death in the family). As such things are very tight.
My son is currently going through a stage where he basically eats everything. He eats such large quantities that if I’m not careful, meals I’ve cooked that are supposed to last a week are only lasting a day or two. I can’t afford to keep replenishing all the food he eats, while also feeding my daughters.
So I decided to put a restriction on him. He can eat what he’s served, and he can have a certain amount of snacks. Anything else, I can’t give him; he’s free to find extra food elsewhere but I just can’t afford it.
Now, my son is angry about this because he’s the only one I’ve put on restriction, and his sisters are still free to eat as they please. He thinks I’m playing favorites, but it’s not that. My daughters aren’t eating so much to the point where this is a problem, so it doesn’t make sense for me to restrict them too.
AITA here? I’ve told some friends and while they tend to agree with me I do feel guilty. I just don’t think there’s another way.
Can you make like a big pot of something cheap like rice and beans that he can eat til he’s full? He probably also needs the food, it doesn’t mean you can’t give everyone a fair serving of the main meal but I’m cringing at the idea of making your minor son fend for himself when he’s hungry and growing
Time to start utilizing your local food pantry. He’s a growing boy.
“Anything else, I can’t give him; he’s free to find extra food elsewhere but I just can’t afford it.”
You need to look into food banks or churches or something. Anyplace that can help for food. Your 15 year old is going through a growth spurt and needs nutrients. It is not his responsibility to have to search elsewhere for food.
Also check in with school to see if they have a backpack/snack program. See if you can on free or reduced lunches so he can eat breakfast and lunch at school too.
Where exactly does a 15yr old find free food, YTA. Buy food that is going to fill him up, plenty of things like rice and pasta that are dirt cheap if you’re desperate. Singling him out is just going to give him a complex and make him resent you and his siblings
Gently, YTA for your approach. If they aren’t allowed to eat more than him, then impose the rule on everyone rather than singling him out. But also- a 15yo boy is likely having a growth spurt while 18yo and 17yo girls are nearly done growing. He truly may need more food. If things are too tight to provide what he needs from your wages, please look into what you may be able to get from a food bank or talk to him about what affordable snacks he could make himself, like a boxed muffin mix or basic pasta.
His caloric needs are likely much different to theirs. It’s your responsibility to feed your children.
YTA
Soft YTA. Children should never be hungry. Please get some inexpensive bulk food like rice and beans, pasta, ramen, etc… or go to a food pantry until you are in a better situation to feed everyone. Teens go through growth spurts and NEED extra food.
YTA
I understand your logic, but putting a food restriction on a hungry teen and telling him “he’s free to find extra food elsewhere” is very close to the legal definition of abuse. Make the kid some black beans, rice, and chicken thighs. Cut back on any and all expenses (netflix, expensive phone plans, vacations, eating out, etc) to feed the child.
If you’re so poor you can’t feed your child, contact SNAP or a local food bank.
I’m a teacher and if one of my students told me he was hungry and his mom told him to “find food somewhere else” I’d be a mandated reporter to CPS for neglect. CPS would show up at your house and ask some very tough questions.
You’re above the poverty line and self admit you have “some” money to splurge, so if they show up and there’s netflix on the TV, pizza boxes in the recycling, and wine bottles in the cabinet – while you tell your son to find food somewhere else – CPS will kick your ass.
It isnt “very close” to abuse. It IS abuse. One of her daughters is a whole assed adult and can take her lazy ass out to work but her son who cant even drive yet is supposed to fend for himself?
I’ve reported to CPS about 200 times in my career. Multiple times has been very similar comments to this.
If a kid told me at school “im hungry all the time because my mom restricts my food but not my siblings” CPS would be on the way within days.
YTA. I guess no one warned you about teenaged boys. They go through a stage for a couple of years where they will eat anything that isnt nailed down. Even more so if they are in sports or active.
If money is that tight for food, you need to take a side gig, apply for food stamps or start utilizing a food pantry. Telling a 15 year old boy to “fend for himself” for meals is abuse.
YTA You are not wrong that this is a problem. But it needs a better resolution that works with your budget and your kids’ needs. My kids’ 6’8″ grandpa told me to stock up on cheap bread, peanut butter, and jelly, and tell my teen son that he could have all the PB&Js he wanted. It’s self-serve, filling, and provides carbs, fat, and protein. That was what his mom did and obviously it didn’t stop his growth! If your son is okay with PB&Js, this could be something you keep in stock so he always has food available- even if it isn’t his favorite.
YTA
You can’t just tell a minor child to “find their own food.” You’re responsible for feeding him. You don’t have to give him expensive food or his most preferred meals, but if he’s hungry you need to find a way to make food available to him, especially if his siblings are getting enough to eat. A 15-year-old boy is in the midst of important growth and it’s likely that his calorie needs are higher than those of his older sisters.