My partner and I made an offer on a house and it was accepted. We had nearly everything we needed minus about 10k in closing costs. Our parents each offered us the money to help with closing, as a loan, interest free. They would give it to us but neither has the money to just give it as a gift. Today, my mother reminded me about the stocks she still has in her name that my grandmother left to me. they are evaluated, according to my mother, at about 14k. I told my wife as soon as I got the text and she immediately said we should sell them to pay closing costs as to not need to borrow the money.
I need to be clear, immediately. My wife and I spent 2.5 hours last night researching strollers but she made this call instantly. I told her we should seek advice from an expert first because neither of us knows anything about stocks. I mean I don’t even know what they are (are there different kinds?), the exact numbers, how to get the money, how transferring that money during housing transactions looks on paper, nothing. I’m so clueless and honestly I’ve had to learn so much about housing offers, mortgage rates and types, pmi, and everything else, taking even more new information is a lot for me to learn right now.
As I type this she is pretty mad because she thinks I’m holding out on her, but I just genuinely don’t know anything about stocks. Buying, selling, trading, none of it. She has been calling me a despicable person and reminding me that she puts 30k of the 50k for the house in the savings and that she paid the bills when I was in graduate school. She keeps telling me that I’m being selfish but I told her no matter what it’s our money, hers, mine, our future child. I just don’t want to jump to a conclusion without knowing anything about stocks at all and that I didn’t want to be pressured to agree with her to sell them when I hadn’t even had 5 minutes to research.
Her view is it is the obvious right choice to not inconvenience and burden our parents. I don’t want to burden them. I feel awful that we are, but with my new job we got disqualified from first time homebuyers so this extra closing cost money kind of took me by surprise. I know that’s my fault. She says there is nothing to consider and only one correct and moral choice.
Am I the asshole for not immediately telling her I would sell the stocks to help with the down payment?
YTA Why would you rather owe money than use this money you have? That makes no sense to me. Why would you want $10k debt when you have it already in assets?
And researching strollers makes sense. Getting the wrong stroller is a stressor and possibly a safety issue. This two things are not the same.
I reread his text; I don’t see him saying “No”. He just wants to speak to a financial adviser.
YTA.
Your parents don’t have money to spare, but they’d have to loan it to you. Meanwhile, you do have money available in the form of stocks that were literally left to you.
So let’s call it what it is… you’re willing to use other people’s limited resources so you don’t have to touch your own. That’s selfish.
I get wanting to understand tax implications and the logistics. That part is reasonable. But that’s not what your hesitation sounds like, it sounds like you’re dragging your feet while your wife is trying to solve a very straightforward problem.
You’re buying a house. That means making adult financial decisions. Selling an inherited asset to avoid putting your parents in debt isn’t reckless, it’s responsible. Especially when those same parents don’t have the ability to gift it freely.
And bringing up that you “don’t even know what stocks are” isn’t a defense — it’s an argument for calling a financial advisor tomorrow morning, not for defaulting to borrowing from people who can’t comfortably afford it.
Your wife contributed more to the down payment and carried the bills while you were in grad school. From her perspective, you’re protecting an asset that’s solely in your name while she’s already sacrificed significantly for the team.
Wanting a quick consult before selling? Fine.
Wanting to preserve your assets while your parents shoulder the burden? Not fine.
That’s why YTA here.
YTA
Not only that, but most lenders don’t like people borrowing for rge downpayment. They insist you have a written document saying it is a gift, not a loan. They don’t want you to have one more debt while they consider whether you are a risk for paying back the mortgage.
Esh.
You do need to ask a finance person because selling stocks can result in gains and thus tax burden. Especially since you have no idea what the basis is or any other information.
Given you know nothing about the stocks then it would be wise to ask someone else and seek advice.
Also…to be honest, doesnt sound like either of you should be buying without investing in more knowledge.
He also knows nothing about getting a mortgage because the mortgage company will count that debt against them if they get a loan from his parents. There will have to be a formal loan agreement and it is possible it could throw their debt to income ratio off and affect their mortgage approval.
YTA Big time! Stop making stupid excuses about not understanding stocks. You need money, your mother worked out how to get money and you don’t have to burden your parents or hers with a loan they cannot afford. Your partner is right. Grow up and do the right thing.
Have you looked into the implications of borrowing money from family for the mortgage? They need to know where that 10K came from. Might be better for the mortgage to sell stocks instead of creating a new loan that will be in repayment. I also would never want to borrow money from family. They could question every dollar you spent instead of sending funds to pay them back. It would be way more messy.
YTA for spending time posting this rather than educating yourself about those stocks to get comfortable selling them to fund your house purchase instead of borrowing money from your parents.
CPA here. Things to find out:
1. Where are the stocks held and in whose name? They should be in a brokerage account in your name but they may be in your parent’s name.
2. What stocks are they?
3. Your basis should be the fmv at the time of death. You will pay tax on any appreciation.
Also, your wife is right and you should use this money for the closing costs. Good luck! Nah
YTA. Get them sold. Do not take money from your parents. Man up. She supported your education and she has paid the majority of the house deposit while you were sitting on thousands. THAT is what’s despicable.
The tax ramifications for you or your mother in selling the stock should be researched before any decision is made.
YTA
You know your parents can’t afford to give you the money… what makes you think they can afford to let you borrow it with no terns or timeline to pay it back?
If you can’t afford your closing costs, you can’t afford the house. Period.
….why did you make an offer on a house that you didn’t have the money to buy? I know you say you don’t know much about finances, but a pretty basic rule is don’t put an offer in on something without having enough money and just hoping that you’ll magically find 10 K somewhere.