I work as an online shopper in a retail store, mostly picking the orders. If you can’t find something, there’s someone you refer to (called a reviewer) for them to check, as a sort of second measure to see if we actually have it in store or not.
I couldn’t find a handbag today, and spent maybe 10 minutes looking for it. So, I went up to our reviewer Mia (fake name). I told her I looked everywhere, front of store, back of store, even got someone else to look with me.
She didn’t really seem to believe/trust me, so I told her “I absolutely promise we don’t have it. I’ve spent so long looking. Even if you tell me to look for it, I’m not”. In my head this was a light hearted comment but to her it wasn’t. She immediately said “I don’t think I appreciate that. Would you say that to (man reviewer)?” I said yeah, it wasn’t meant to be serious. I obviously apologised, but then she asked if I respected her. Idk why, but I was kind of taken aback. This all began because she didn’t trust me, and after every response she’d be like “Really?”, even after saying I’d say the same thing to anyone else. It isn’t like she’s a manager, the way she asked it seemed more like ‘respect me as a higher up’ than ‘respect me as a person’. I told her “yeah, yeah I guess. Yeah.” Because for me respect is more like empathy for someone’s hard work, rather than their title within the job. I respect everyone pretty equally. I apologised again and she seemed fine, but she said she didn’t really believe me. Her last words were: “I think it’s just the way you talk.” Which seemed mean but could’ve been harmless.
Just something that’s been in my head for a bit, would like to know if I’m a dickhead or not.
NTA. You were honest and meant your comment lightly, and it sounds like a miscommunication about tone and authority rather than a real issue of disrespect. A simple clarification and keeping things professional moving forward should smooth it out.
> *the way she asked it seemed more like ‘respect me as a higher up’ than ‘respect me as a person’.*
Respect is *earned*, not given. Yes, you should generally be polite to “higher ups” (and, some would argue, other people in general), but she doesn’t deserve respect just because she’s in a higher position than you, especially when she uses it to treat people poorly. (Which managers almost always do.)
Honestly, I think you were light in your response. The “and I’m not going to look for it” was in rather poor taste, but I would have probably asked her what she thought she did to deserve my respect when she asked directly.
So light Y T A for your initial comment, but not for thee way the rest went down, so NTA.