So this feels kind of small but it’s turning into a bigger thing than I expected.
A while ago I asked this same friend to help me with something (not even a huge thing, just needed an extra set of hands). He said yes, then canceled the morning of. No emergency, just “something came up.” I was annoyed but I let it go.
Now he’s moving apartments and asked me to help him this weekend. It’s basically going to take the whole day. I just said I’m not available.
He asked why and I told him honestly that last time kind of stuck with me. He said I’m being petty and that friends shouldn’t “keep score.”
Maybe he’s right. It’s not like he owes me legally or anything. I just don’t feel great about giving up my Saturday for someone who bailed on me.
Now a couple mutual friends are saying I should just help and move on.
AITA?
NTA are those mutual friends helping? If people aren’t willing to help you, especially on small things, why would they expect you to help on big things. It is also weird that he brushed you off without explanation and then asked for a reason from you. You were honest and don’t let others guilt trip you. If you feel guilty enough, help for part of the day.
NTA Tell those friends that they are welcome to help with the move but something came up that prevents you from helping this unreliable so-called friend.
NTA AT ALL!
NTA, but you did it the wrong way. The better way would be to say yes, and then cancel it the morning of. No emergency, just “something came up.”
LOL, yep, same.
I have the same petty thought.
😂😂
Something came up.
I have to watch the snow ❄️ melt.
I think it’s up to you if you want to help him or not you don’t have to help him just like he technically didn’t have to help you but if you want good things for him and to make his life a little easier I would help him from that space. If you’re not feeling up to it you also have a right to say no because you also don’t owe him anything but it does sound like you are holding onto resentment from him not helping you.
My question is do you feel like this is a reoccurring thing where there is an unbalanced give and take in the friendship and does this also stem from other things. I get he flaked and that’s irritating. Does he flake a lot? and if anything this might tell you he’s not the most responsible or reliable person to count on for these types of things in the future. You don’t know why he cancelled maybe he just wasn’t feeling it or for whatever reason. But if you’re doing it to be petty or prove a point then how is this going to affect the friendship long term when it comes down to other things and you’re still holding onto that resentment.
So this friend stood you up when you were moving. How is he with other things? Is he otherwise a good friend? Takes his turn driving, listens to you after a breakup, shares his fishing spot, is a good teammate gaming, etc?
If you’re feeling score, you need to count more than just one interaction.
And decide if you want to still bee his friend, because the way you phrased your refusal is pretty harsh, and you may have already burned that bridge
I mean is he generally reliable and it was just the one time or is this a habit of his? Because yeah it does seem a bit petty especially when you don’t know the reason he cancelled. And like you said, yours wasn’t a big thing, he maybe could’ve helped you later on. His is a big thing that can’t be delayed.
Idk I just don’t really keep score like that when my friend is a generally consistent person and Im able to value my friendship over counting every favor. I only start acting that way when they’re consistently inconsistent and waste my time.
First of all, why did you involve other friends? That’s kind of embarrassing..
I think you should help for at least half the day .
If he is a good friend, yeah he probably shouldn’t keep score .
I don’t think you’re an asshole though either .. just may be a little misguided.