I’m 36 weeks pregnant and just trying to survive until maternity leave.
I’m the admin at a clinic and one of the massage therapists, late 60s, has been making this so stressful.
Ever since she found out I’m pregnant she keeps pushing prenatal massages on me. Not in a casual way. More like, “OMG you need to be seeing me every week until your due date.” I’m already getting prenatal massages somewhere else because it’s cheaper, but I just politely decline and move on.
The real issue is that she constantly tells me about her financial problems.
Stuff like:
“I only have $50 left for groceries.”
“My electricity is getting shut off in two days.”
“I don’t know if I’ll be able to pay rent this month.”
“It’s been such a slow month.”
She always says, “I probably shouldn’t be telling you this but…” and then tells me anyway.
She’ll also throw in comments like, “I’ve had this client for 20 years, she started seeing me when she was pregnant,” or “My boyfriend drove all the way here to book with me because he knows I had a slow month.”
It just feels like there’s this ongoing storyline she’s building.
I gave her my number strictly for work reasons, like if a client cancels. Since then she’s texted me things like “I’m quite concerned about you” which was weird, and then more updates about her electricity getting cut off.
One shift she kept me over an hour past closing because she was crying and venting. Lights were off. I was 35 weeks pregnant and exhausted and didn’t know how to cut her off. She only stopped because my husband called asking why I was still at work.
She talks nonstop when there are no clients, especially at closing. I’ve tried short responses hoping she’d get the hint. Nothing works. I eventually told my boss and they gave her a key so I could leave on time. Now she looks annoyed when I leave when I’m supposed to or when my husband picks me up right away.
At this point I tense up before shifts.
For context, I’ve been nice to her. I’ve listened. I even gave her my lunch once. I’m generally empathetic and I think she knows that.
A coworker told me she had the same pattern at a previous job. Constant sob stories. One coworker let her use their washer and dryer. Someone from church gave her a car.
She also doesn’t retain clients well and has made some uncomfortable comments about clients’ bodies and facial hair, which honestly makes me not want to book with her at all.
When you add it all up, it feels less like random oversharing and more like guilt tripping. I’m 36 weeks pregnant. I’m not her emotional support person or her financial backup plan.
Am I overreacting or does this sound intentional?
I’m just exhausted and don’t want this kind of stress right before giving birth.
Just start one upping her financial crises and make sure to reference your pregnancy each time.
NTA, she knows what she is doing. Don’t give into it
You’re about to have a child? Grow a backbone, stop being such a doormat.
NTA literally guilt her back “hey i just wanted to let you know that your conversations about non-work related topics are really stressing me out and for the health of my unborn baby I would appreciate if you kept conversations to work topics only because it’s affecting my health and my unborn baby’s health.”
Damn. This is direct and to the point. Cannot argue otherwise. I’m from Minnesota, where words aren’t strung together like this, it’s just doesn’t exist here. However, It could and I may the one to introduce it
NTA. Some people love to be the victim of their own life. She needs to leave you alone lol.
Say ” boy that sounds tough, a therapist might be able to help you with that, excuse me I have to get xxxx done ” and TURN AWAY. It there’s no audience she can’t perform. She’s not a friend.
NTA. She absolutely is trying to guilt trip you. Either into getting massages or just straight up giving her money. Any way you can talk to your boss and get her to back off?
I felt so bad for her – I actually spoke to my husband about doing something for her like giving her a grocery gift card before I leave. He told me that if I did it once, she would constantly reach out to me during mat leave whenever she faced another crisis.
Do not do this. Do not open the door.
NTA.
Stop being empathetic and polite.
When she starts with her financial woes, don’t engage. Or better yet, start with yours. You’re worried about how the baby is going to impact your finances. You’re cutting back as much as possible. Aren’t sure how you’re going to get by once you’re on maternity leave, etc.
When she says she shouldn’t tell you something, tell her not to. You’ve got so much on your mind with the impending birth you don’t have the mental capacity.
She’s got you in an extraction loop. She will push your boundaries in succession until you give her something. Rinse, repeat. She had you the minute you gave her the first thing – your time. She’s a grifter, she knows exactly what she is doing. If you can’t get away from her, you have to gray rock and never give another inch.
NTA.
You’re about to be a mom. TOUGHEN UP! People will walk all over you IF you let them.
Start shutting her down. “I’m not interested in prenatal massage, please stop bothering me about it.” “I don’t have time to chat right now.” “Maybe you should get a second job if money is so tight.” “Please don’t discuss what you perceive as your clients’ body issues with me; I find it very rude and offputting.”
Good luck.
NTA. She knows what she’s doing, it’s a grift, and she sees your empathy as an opportunity. You do not have to be nice to her. You can be polite but firm and shut her down, just tell her you need to leave/aren’t comfortable discussing personal matters at work. Period. I would even go as far as asking to have a meeting with her and your boss if she’s resistant. As a fellow pregnant lady (37w) I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this!!