My(26m) fiancee(25f) is in a coma after a car accident. When I went over to my nephew(6)’s birthday, he asked ‘Where’s Auntie Jane?’ My sister(30) asked me not to tell him since she didn’t want him to worry, so I lied. I told him she’s on a trip. Then I gave him the presents she got for him before the accident(a cap and a shirt), and presents from myself.
My parents told both me and my sister off, saying ‘What if she doesn’t wake up?’ That really upset me but I tried to hide it from my nephew before leaving. Didn’t want him to see me looking like that on his birthday. It bothers me and scares me, knowing they might be right. I just don’t know how to process and handle this.
First of all, I’m really sorry. That’s an unbearable place to be emotionally.
NTA.
You were put on the spot in front of a six year old at his birthday party. You followed his mother’s lead because she is his parent. That’s not wrong. It’s not your job to override her in that moment.
Your parents saying “what if she doesn’t wake up” was incredibly insensitive. That fear is already living in your head. You don’t need it spoken out loud, especially in that setting.
As for your nephew, six year olds can handle simple, gentle truth. Something like “She’s very sick and the doctors are helping her” is usually enough. But that’s a conversation his mom should guide.
Right now, your priority is surviving this emotionally. The uncertainty is brutal. Try to focus on today, not the worst case scenario. You don’t have to solve every future conversation while you’re in crisis.
Be gentle with yourself. You’re grieving someone who is still here, and that’s a very specific kind of pain.
NTA. It was his birthday, and a six-year-old is going to have questions you don’t want to answer. If your sister asked you not to tell him, you did right. Your parents don’t get a say in how your sister chooses to parent her children, nor should they be making shitty comments like that. I’m really sorry you’re in this situation, and I hope she heals well.
NTA. You followed your sister’s (whom I’m assuming is your nephews mother) lead.
Even if the worst happens, you dont have that discussion with the child at their party.
NTA. Childs parent made a judgement call, you complied, grandparents can give an opinion, but it’s still up to the parent to decide.
NTA. No reason to give a kid more info then that can handle or truly understand
NTA, you did the right thing and your parents are heatless bastards.
Do NOT listen to them, keep positive (and if need be go no contact).
NTA
IF the worst happens you just say “while on holidays she was in an accident and xyz happened”
NTA
First of all, your sister is his parent, and she’s the one who gets to make that decision.
Second of all, where the hell do your parents get off???
What on god’s green earth made them think that this was the time or the place to be calling you out over goddamn anything??
Where the hell is their support for you at a time like this…
I don’t care whether they disagree with the choice your sister made or not – but the fact that they thought that it was appropriate to give you shit over absolutely anything in this moment says how very little they care about you.
NTA your nephew is 6. He doesn’t need to know the details right now. Your mum and sister are massive AH. Why are they putting how nephew will feel above how you will feel if she doesn’t wake up! Your feelings are the most important in that situation as she’s your fiancée. I’d be fuming that that’s their priority. I’m sorry this has happened to you and I hope she wakes up soon. If the worst should happen, they can simply tell nephew she had an accident. He doesn’t need details at 6 years old
NTA. He’s six. You need to go with what his parents want. I hope your fiancé gets well.
You don’t have to lie. You tell age appropriate truth. She’s had an accident and has an owie. Or, she is in hospital cuz she wasn’t feeling well. If nephew says, is she okay? You say something like. that’s the plan, or hopefully soon. It’s like when a kid asks about babies, you don’t need to give them a sex ed course, you say, there’s a baby growing in mommy’s belly, and tread lightly from there. However. NTA for wanting to protect him.
The child is 6. And it was his birthday. Why would your parents want to traumatize him and ruin his special day?
NTA
Hey NTA
But my ass was in a coma for two weeks and I heard all the shit people were talking about me because they didnt think I could hear so plz make sure everyone says nice things.
You’re not an AH. You’re a scared fiancé trying to hold it together aa a kid’s birthday party. A six year old doesn’t need the full weight of medical uncertainty right now. What he does need is stability. You gave him that in the moment. The real focus should be on supporting you, not criticism.