AITA
To give some detail before I start:
My husband is in charge of dishes and trash his only 2 chores
He can’t eat meat today due to lent, I do not have that religious restriction
I left to go do some shopping and asked my husband to defrost the seafood in a colander. I’m still shopping and its two hours later and he calls and he hasn’t done it. no problem it doesn’t take long I was wrong on the length, je read the bag on how to defrost it and it would need to be used immediately and I was still checking out.
I come home, he’s playing a video game online with his friend. I go to the kitchen, the sink is full of dishes I have no room to put a colander to defrost the seafood. I tell him hey can you please tell your friend you’ll call him back and please come do the dishes or clear the sink so I can make dinner. He just says No, he just downloaded this game and just got started with his friend. I ask him to tell his friend you need to go because they don’t need to hear this and I’m very upset.
I’d been doing the dishes during the week while he hadn’t it’d been building up and a frustration. When I got upset with him he said "I was just kidding, I was going to do it" and went on that he just likes it/thinks its funny when I get mad. During all of this he has not paused his game, has not muted his friend despite me asking. I got upset that if he wanted to get up and do it why hadn’t he etc.
The entire time I’m arguing he is chuckling and smirking behind his hand. He’s not taking me seriously the entire time, which infuriates me more to yelling. I’m not proud I yelled but thats why I’m posting. I asked if he was going to get up and just goes I’ll go when you’re done meaning when I’m done arguing. I tell him this isn’t funny, I don’t know why you think its funny to see me mad or to make me mad on purpose I don’t like the stress. Why would you want to cause me to be stressed and angry?
Still continuing to smirk and laugh softly. (I felt so belittled) I said I’m done now (talking as he mentioned earlier), and he tried to get up to give me a hug with a look on his face like he was comforting a kid. I told him I wasn’t asking for a hug I was asking him to get up off his butt to do what he was supposed to. I told him I wasn’t cooking and I was going to go out to eat and he said he’d just order something. I stormed out and went to a restaurant. I’ve calmed down a lot since and now I’m wondering, did I overreact?
Jeez, he sounds like a toddler. OP, please think hard about this: is this how you want to spend the rest of your life? With this man who can’t do the only two chores he’s supposed to do and riles you up on purpose because “he thinks it’s funny”?
I hope hope hope this is bait. NAH
So, his God gets mad about people eating meat in Lent, but not about them acting like a complete prick to their wife?
Priorities.
He needs to grow up , show some respect for his wife , 😤.
NTA. An under reaction in my opinion… he’s acting like a spoilt 14 year old kid. “I just got this new game, I’m playing with my friends, it’s funny to watch you get mad”. It’s horrible adolescent behaviour, but at least if he was an adolescent you could blame his underdeveloped brain.
There are so many red flags here, not least of which is the fact he thinks it’s funny to watch you “get mad”. It’s not okay to play with people’s emotions, especially when you profess to love that person. If you’re invested in this relationship, I’d try to sit him down and ask why he finds it amusing to make you upset? Does it give him pleasure? Is it just funny cos he thinks feelings are weak? Is it so he can swoop in with a hug and “make you feel better”?
It’s genuinely not normal behaviour from an adult, and if he’s not willing to address it, he’s fast approaching his expiry date!!
Don’t do his chore anymore. If the sink has dishes, you can’t cook. Order out, for you only. He’s on his own.
NTA- but you’re accepting behavior that is extremely disrespectful, so you’re an AH to yourself.
Leave the dude
NTA
This man doesn’t respect you. He prioritizes his hobby and his friend over your needs. He mocks you and condescends to you. He slacks on his domestic responsibilities because he knows you’ll do it eventually, he just has to tolerate your anger. Where else does he diminish your needs, disrespect you to his friends, and mock you to your face?
Does any of that sound like love to you? It certainly doesn’t sound like any marriage I would want to be in.
NTA being a single mom is so hard.
NTA
I don’t know how you can look at this guy in a romantic way at all, though. Like his behaviour is 100% that of a teenage child being shitty to his mother.
This sounds like a frustrated parent trying to get their teenager to put down their games console and do their chores.
I hope he has some redeeming qualities, because I’d be checking out of this bullshit.
I bet your dumbass religious husband is against divorce. Hope you’re not.
NTA – you reacted appropriately, imo. Read your post over again, why do you want to be with a man with the emotional regulation and maturity of a 15 year old boy?
“Can you tell your friend you’ll call him back and come do the dishes” is something a mother says to a child.
1. Your husband only has 2 chores, like a child.
2. You have to remind him to do those chores, like a child.
3. He doesn’t do them anyway.
4. He doesn’t care that you are upset because of his actions. In fact, he likes it and purposefully tries to make you mad. Your happiness is less important than his.
5. He likes to share the pleasure he gets when he makes you mad with his friend, despite you asking him to stop. Your feelings are less important his.
6. When he sees you’re at your breaking point, he tries to soothe you with physical affection. That’s so controlling.
7. You rank lower than a new video game in his life.
8. In fact, he didn’t seem bothered that you left since he just ordered food.
NTA of course. Is he often like this? Does he have redeeming qualities? Is your life better with him in it?
Do you have friends or family you could talk to about this? Imagine if someone if someone you loved told you this story about their significant other. What would you tell them?
Are married to a teenage boy? He only does two chores, he doesn’t actually do them, and throws a fit when you ask him to do one of them? What is he bringing to this relationship?