Context 1: My sister has not lived at this house (Previously my father’s, which I have lived at for 20 years) for over 5 years since moving out but some of her belongings are still here. She lives very far away (6 hour+ coach/ tube/ train). My sister is 2 years older than me. I am 29, she is 31.
Context 2: My dad recently passed away from cancer; he was bed-bound in the last week at home and was losing lucidity. Couldn’t eat or talk because of the tumour on his tongue.
During my dad’s last week of life and passing, my sister:
– Offered my dad a spliff in his last week of life. (He was already on morphine and had gone cold turkey in the last few weeks on smoking for 40 years due to his health); I felt this was entirely inappropriate.
– Told me to hide my dad’s money away from his siblings/ be secretive about it.
– Started an argument with me saying "Dad’s care comes first" (When I had been looking after him ever since he fell ill), called me mentally unstable (But she had drank 10 bottles of wine and half a bottle of vodka in her 5 days of staying)
– Wanted me to neglect myself by not eating
Additionally during the funeral arrangement process:
– Didn’t confirm any details with me about my father’s funeral (Had an entire 4 weeks to tell me anything), No information was given except the date, time and place.
– Lied to me saying she paid for it (When her mother had paid for her half) – And took them both 5 days to reach out to say this
– Was speaking to my mother (Which my dad didn’t want and kept his health omitted from her – Separated for over 23 years)
– Said she was in debt when she paid for her half (which she never was) and gave me the impression she needed to be paid (Which I did), but she used to pay for the remainder of the funeral which I could’ve paid for myself.
On the day of the funeral:
– Didn’t talk or communicate with me
– Invited my mother implicitly through a facebook post to notify everyone of the date of the funeral (Which I sent an email to her to not attend), and still did anyway.
– Didn’t sit next to me in the Limousine and blanked my dad’s siblings.
– (When we arrived back at my dad’s home) Went through my dad’s possessions without me being present or asking for consent.
– Told me that everything is supposed to be split between just me and her (Deliberately excluding my dad’s siblings)
I am currently in the process of putting all of her belongings into boxes and giving them to my neighbour for her to take but ***I am not*** letting her back in the house after this. Given the furtive behaviour with trying to hide the money, uncalled for behaviour of not giving me information about my own father’s funeral, going through his possessions, lying to me about paying for things and the other aformentioned things…
Am I the asshole here for not letting her back in the house? It seems evident but I just don’t see a reason to trust her anymore.
NTA, but you need to talk to an estate attorney like yesterday.
Info: Who owns the house? Who pays the mortgage, or the rent?
Housing association. I’m now paying the rent and utilities. The tenancy was already passed down once so I can’t claim succession. It’s a 3 bedroom so, I can’t keep/ stay here since it’s just me now but they’re going to reaccommodate me.
I can stay here until I’ve agreed with the housing association the new place is acceptable.
NTA, but she’s a greedy AH. I have zero understanding of people like this and would cut her out of my life after this.
I get she’s repellant but I’d Talk to an estate attorney.
NTA. She sounds like she only cares about materialistic things. She does not care about your dad she only wants his money and stuff. Get a lawyer to help you with this. Before she steals everything. Stay strong and don’t back down on this. I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad as well. Sending you hugs