Edit: I’m still very close with the nursing staff and they all secretly said to my wife "you have a keeper" and they’re thankful of it. There were also no children in the entire office, only adults. Please stop threatening and saying I should be banned from the office, I even saw them all again today and we are still very close.
I was at the doctor’s office with my wife for out weekly pregnancy checkup. For context, we know and are close with all the nurses and front desk because we’ve been going almost weekly for a couple months now. This time an older lady, maybe in her 60’s, was there with an obviously very mentally handicapped woman that looked in her 40’s. Maybe mother or caretaker? The older woman was clearly being a big jerk in the office to the disabled woman.
I witnessed the girl push a chair over to the coloring table, only to be yelled at by the older lady and forced to put the chair back across the room while she walked right behind her back step for step. I also saw the girl say "stitch is blue" to which the older lady replied "I don’t care" very sharply and rude. I lost my cool and stood up for the girl which I thought was the right thing while the rest of the room stared at me…but did I say the wrong things and make myself seem like the bad guy because I’m not gifted with a silver tongue??
"Ma’am I’ve been here for two minutes and you’ve been an a\*\*hole to this girl the hole time"
"You don’t understand what’s going on"
"You’re right I don’t understand, but you’ve been an a\*\*hole this whole time to her"
\*she just looks down at her phone and "scrolls" to pretend ignoring me
"Look at me when I’m talking to you"
\*continues to pretend ignoring me\*
"Whatever Fuck off lady"
And then I walk back with my wife. The nursing staff secretly told my wife when I wasn’t around that I was in the right…but I can’t help but think I’m in the wrong for using so may explicits and not explaining myself very well in the situation.
AITA?
Asshole? No. I’m any way helpful or effective? Also no.
YTA. You have no idea about those people or their situation so mind your own business.
Ehhh soft YTA – you mentioned there were kids around. Cussing in front of kids is not a good look. Also, what did you think was going to happen? Instead of approaching it in a constructive way you immediately went to scolding.
Whilst I don’t condone how the woman was behaving, it’s entirely possible she was stressed and chucking in a stranger yelling at you isn’t exactly going to make you open to feedback, it’s just going to make you defensive and more angry. Chances are, you probably made things worse for the disabled woman as her carer would have been in an even fouler mood.
A disabled woman in her 40s is not a girl. YTA for infantilising a disabled woman.
>”Look at me when I’m talking to you”
>\*continues to pretend ignoring me\*
>”Whatever Fuck off lady”
do you have power complex? or a power trip? you’re no better than the self-righteous cops who like to abuse their power and ONLY lash out at those who’re weak, how about you try that with someone, outside (preferably in the ghetto), away from cameras, and who isn’t an
>an older lady, maybe in her 60’s
She may have been having the worst day of her life – you have no idea. It is SO hard to care for people.
You have not got the right to say “look at me when I’m talking to you” if someone is choosing not to listen to a criticism of them.
There are much better ways to stand up for someone than using profanity.
Your heart was essentially in the right place, but you really didn’t do much for yourself.
I dont necessarily think you’re the ah for standing up for a vulnerable woman but honestly what is this “look at me when I’m talking to you ” she didn’t ask you to talk to her she doesn’t have to give you her attention
“Look at me when I’m talking to you” is an absolutely INSANE thing to say to anyone let alone a stranger. You may have been trying to stand up for this girl but just that phrase alone tells me that you are an ahole in general.
That is such an abusive phrase. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Eta: YTA
ESH. You were far too aggressive with a stranger, using coarse language and curse words. She doesn’t owe you eye contact. You sound unhinged. You could have just as easily triggered the office to ban you and flag your wife’s chart for potential domestic abuse with you showing such little self control.
The woman sounds like she was making a scene and being rude to her charge, but the office staff should have addressed that rather than let a random nonpatient flip out on another person in their waiting room.
YTA
You DON’T understand what’s going on. You have no idea about their day.
Maybe the mentally handicapped woman tries to play with kids and hurts them every single time. Maybe if the mentally handicapped woman sits down to play, she will refuse to get up and go into the doctor’s office and will throw a huge tantrum after. A 60yo woman can’t just pick up a 40yo woman and carry her into the office if the 40yo refuses to budge. The 40yo may behave like a toddler even though she is the size of an adult. She might not be obedient to instructions, and she is too big for safe physical interventions like taking away the toy she’s not allowed to have or carrying her where she doesn’t want to walk herself. Maybe she requires rigid and guidance structures not to harm herself and others. Maybe she requires strict rules or she has meltdowns.
You have absolutely no idea, but the caretaker snapping at her doesn’t mean she is abusive or requires you to step in.
And if the caretaker doesn’t want to speak to you and chooses to ignore you, that is her right. You’re not her father, you cannot force her to speak to you, and she doesn’t have to look at you when you speak to her if she doesn’t choose to speak to you.
And swearing at her when she doesn’t want to interact with you DEFINITELY makes you an AH.
Everyone here is assuming the relationship is abusive but nothing you’ve described is abuse. Even if the older woman was in a bad mood, it’s still not abuse.
Stay in your lane. It’s not at all clear you were doing the right thing, and it’s very clear you said the wrong thing. YTA
ESH. It’s not just the expletives. “Look at me when I’m talking to you.” What kind of power trip are you on? This isn’t about not being gifted with a silver tongue. I think you’re an AH and are using standing up for someone as a reason to be an AH this time.
ESH
You responded to someone being sharp and rude in tone by swearing and yelling at her? Great idea.
“Look at me while I’m talking to you” is an insane thing to say to anyone and you are certainly an asshole for thinking that’s how you talk to anyone!
As for the woman, you presumed she was handicapped when it’s none of your business. You call her a girl when she’s in her 40s? And even if your idea was to help her, all you did was curse and act in an abusive manner towards her caregiver. You’ve accomplished nothing except pissing her off. So congrats I guess. You made yourself look like a fool and done nothing. If you actually wanted to help, you needed to stay calm and be supportive. But you lost your temper and made it about yourself instead of the person you said you wanted to help.
YTA. “look at me when I’m talking to you” is legit insaaaane. I gasped. Who says that except abusers??? Furthermore, If I was in that waiting room with my children I would have left at the first “asshole” and later told the medical practice you made me feel unsafe and therefore i had to take my kids and leave. Do yourself and your partner a favor and get into anger management before that baby is born.
You seem like an AH and she’s right that you didn’t understand what was going on. The whole “look at me when I’m talking to you” is just so beyond rude, you don’t get to demand people’s attention like that even if you KNOW them much less when they’re a complete stranger.
It sounds like she was being rude to the other woman but she also might just be doing her best to try to manage the situation they’re in and you don’t get to step in whenever you want to. What were you going to say if she was giving you her undivided attention? Why did you take such offense to their situation when it sounds like this woman just didn’t want her moving a chair and said she didn’t care that Stitch is blue? Like what even was going to be your point? You’re calling her an AHole for no good reason and then demanding her attention, you sound aggressive AF and maybe someone should have stuck up for her the same way you thought you were doing for the other lady.