This happened a few years ago but I feel guilty about it and I wanted to ask if I was wrong we had a huge fight years prior (cut for length) and it lead to this.
Years later I convinced myself the situation was my fault and when he reached out I apologized. (EDIT) I apologized for our first falling out and then he said he was also partly wrong unrelated to this but thought it was important to mention that this was a second chance for the friendship) He told me he was better, had a gf, had come out, etc and was happy. He was normal.. for about a year.. then the inappropriate jokes started. He said it was just his humor, did it with everyone no matter the gender. Ok whatever.. another joke started where he said he was my “daddy” whos you daddy jokes essentially, but it wasn’t (at least in my head) in an inappropriate way. It started when I was talking about an toxic relationship with one of my parents and he said he would adopt me as a joke and be my dad. I had so many friends make this joke I didn’t think much of it. In hindsight, he was definitely getting something out of it (I never called him anything other then his name or dude but he called himself daddy occasionally) eventually it lead to an inappropriate gift , maid outfit. I took it as a joke he made weird jokes all the time.. I said it was more like a shirt than a dress and moved on. He started to insist I send him photos of me in it you know, as a “joke” I said no I’m not that stupid. He kept asking. Told me how to pose, sent reference pics on how to do it. Said I could wear shorts under, insisting I owed him a picture.. it was insaine. It happened so fast. So I stopped responding I was trying to figure out how to respond. He kept insisting it was a joke, it went too far, he didn’t mean it, etc. he then got mad at me for not talking to him. Said I owed him a proper ending.
So I said essentially I thought he was a massive perve he played the long game to try and get something out of me he wouldn’t have gotten without tricking me. He had this perception of me that I was incredibly innocent and I wouldn’t pick up his pervy intentions. It was a very obvious trick.. and during all this he had a gf which he insisted was aware of his humour and thought he was hilarious (I asked many times if she knew the types of joke he made towards me and knew who I was, I insisted she read his messages he said she knew would read over his shoulder and was fine with it. Sent screenshots of him asking if she was fine with his jokes and her saying she was. his reaction is what sticks with me. He said I was wrong for not ending things instantly or giving him a third chance. did I over react? I’ve been told I tend to over react when these kind of things happen, as I’m quite repulsed by this kind of thing, even jokes. Theres way more he did but I think this is getting too long.
nta, you should not talk to this guy any more
He massively overstepped your boundaries and refused to take no for an answer when you told him no.
The only mistake you made was not telling him to fuck off and blocking him much earlier.
This. Block him everywhere op! I can’t believe op apoligized!
NTA
That dude is gross, and it’s crazy that you kept someone that toxic in your life as long as you did. Good riddance.
NTA His 3rd chance?! How many chances does one need? For most… one is enough. You don’t owe him any type of closure.
NTA. Your “friend” has absolutely no concept of boundaries whatsoever, and if you had continued to remain friends with him, he’d have only continued and likely intensified his creepy and obsessive behavior. You made the right decision, you have nothing to feel guilty about or apologize for.
NTA – I could feel my face becoming more and more twisted in disgust the more I read this. This is a prime example of how women can’t win – I bet if you tried bluntly rejecting him early on you would have been met with hostility. Even though you didn’t actively engage with his shenanigans he obviously still took it as a “green light” it gives the same energy as “unless it’s an obvious no, then it’s clearly a yes, right?” This guy is icky and clearly a creep. Eject him from your life, forever.
NTA. You don’t owe him anything then or now, and this dude was weirdly fixated on you despite having a girlfriend. The part that gets you me is he kept pushing on this despite you pushing back, and dismissing all of this as a joke. It became clear you didn’t take it as a joke, and he kept at it. That’s not okay.
NTA
OP i had a guy who pretended to be my “friend”. Over time his advances became more and more aggressive, that i attempted to ignore because hey, hes my friend right?! Until Valentines day he decided to drop off a Spencer’s “make it yourself” dildo he made with his own penis and was legitimately angry when I immediately tossed it in the dumpster. Dont let these types abuse you because they will build on it. Dont ever talk to him again
It never ceases to amaze me how powerful manipulation is. Even when you know it’s happening.
Anyone who gives you a gift and insists that you owe them is not a friend. And anyone that disguises their kinks as jokes is a fucking creep. You owe him nothing, not even an explanation. Block the creep NTA
Nta and also block and avoid him forever. He’s gross.
When someone insists they are jk while simultaneously asking for photos, giving posing instructions, and sending reference images, it is no longer a joke.
a joke ends with a laugh.
NTA.
Your “friend’s” “jokes” are tasteless at best and creepy at worse. Sending you a maid outfit and asking you to take pics as a “joke” is either to satisfy his possible fetish or to embarrass you by showing others or posting it on social media.
>Insisting I owed him a picture
You don’t owe him a damn thing OP. **HE** chose to buy a maid outfit and send it to you. OP, time to end this friendship again and never go back. This guy is being creepy
Guy is a perv. You are NTA and he was attempting to manipulate you into fulfilling his fetish/fantasies and was too much of a coward to ask directly, so that’s why “it’s a joke”.
There are millions of people to be friends with. Block and move on.