Sam and I have been friends for 1.5 years, and i have her spare keys. The week before valentines day, we had a small problem about her not communicating with me that she was annoyed, but told our friends, but we had a very good conversation over text and I thought we had solved that issue, as it sounded productive, and the next time we talking in person, the morning of valentines day, everything was completely normal between us.
However that day is where this started. My roommate River told me before I went to work to give him Sam’s keys, as her aunt was staying with her for the week and wanted her to have the set of keys. I expressed confusion as to why she wouldn’t ask me herself, and said I would give it to her next time I saw her.
Then I went to work, at a very popular resteraunt, on valintines day. I didn’t have a good time. When I was finally able to check my phone around 11:30 PM I saw that she texted me around 8 "did you give my key to river like I asked if not, can you bring it to Cam(other friend) at some point so I can give it to my aunt tomorrow? \[in a seperate message\] thanks"
I was confused at the hostility, but I immeditaly responded that I would give it to Cam when I saw him next, he lives in the same building as me, and had been hanging out with Sam recently, so i figured it was fine.
I then went out to hang with coworkers to cool down after work, and she later texted me that she was at my place and wanted me to come home right away and she was tired of waiting. I said I was on my way home, leaving my coworkers early, and she said "No rush I’m smoking."
I was home within 10 minutes. I then texted and called her multiple times but got no response until over an hour later saying that she went home because she was tired of waiting for me. I got a little annoyed and said I got home within 10 minutes, she said she had been waiting for hours. I argued that she never asked me for them until she knew i was at work, and she said she asked my roomate, and that should have been enough. we called and got in a long argument going in circles about how she never asked me, and it ended with her saying "Thanks so much for the key I asked for 3 people ago".
She then didn’t talk to me for a week. I texted her asking to please talk to me so we could solve things, but never got a response, and my roomate said that she blocked me, which devistated me. She finally texted me telling me to go to trivia night, and I said that I didn’t want to casually hang out with her until we fix our friendship.
she said "From what i’ve gathered you don’t seem to think you’ve done anything wrong, which is not true. You haven’t tried to apologize about objectively being an asshole. The conversation will not be productive until you acknowledge you might have been in the wrong." and hasn’t spoken to me since. But I did everything I could to get her key to her AFTER she asked me. was I the AH?
ESH. When River asked for the keys why didn’t you text Sam to make sure it was ok? She would have responded “yes” and you would have given the keys to River, and soooo much drama would have been avoided. Sam should have been mature enough to ask for herself, but you’re also not very mature. I don’t think the two of you are compatible as friends
why did you not just give her the keys?? yta.
YTA. You could have spared yourself and her all this nonsense if you had just given the key to your roommate as you were informed. You could have talked to her about her actions and not contacting you directly at all later time.
You still dragged your feet about handing it off after she texted you and instead hung out with co-workers. I’d be pissed at you, too.
YTA. You should have checked to see if it was okay to pass on the keys and just gotten it over with instead of leaving for work with the key situation unresolved. If everyone knew you were working that night and they needed the key ASAP, the friend hand off makes sense and you not doing it made everyone’s life harder.
YTA. Obviously.
YTA she asked River to get them from you and River told you why. You knew you were going to work on probably the busiest night of the year and you kept the keys with you. Sounds like you are all friends, so I don’t understand why you wouldn’t give them to someone that could get them to her. You created drama when all you had to do is say, “okay here” and be done.
*I expressed confusion as to why she wouldn’t ask me herself,*
So why didn’t you resolve your confusion by phoning or texting Sam yourself? Then she could have replied “Yes, give the keys to River, please. I told him to ask you for them”, and there would have been no further confusion. But you didn’t bother, because you seem annoyed.
*and said I would give it to her next time I saw her.*
River was standing right there. All you needed to do was check it was a genuine request and then hand the keys over. But no, you decided not to do what Sam asked, no matter how much inconvenience the delay would cause for her.
*Then I went to work, at a very popular resteraunt, on valintines day. I didn’t have a good time.*
Irrelevant. If you think having a busy work day and possibly being in a bad mood afterwards excuses your behavior, it does not.
*I was confused at the hostility,*
WHAT hostility? Her message seems perfectly reasonable to me.
*but I immeditaly responded that I would give it to Cam when I saw him next*
You seem to want to do a lot of things when you see the person next. My suspicion is that the subtext of your “when I see them next” is “when I’m damn well good and ready, and not a moment sooner”.
*she later texted me that she was at my place and wanted me to come home right away and she was tired of waiting… I was home within 10 minutes. I then texted and called her multiple times but got no response until over an hour later saying that she went home because she was tired of waiting*
I do not know why Sam couldn’t wait ten more minutes, but I am not yet prepared to call her the asshole. If she were here on Reddit, she may have been able to tell a side of the story we’re not aware of, one which makes sense. Thus far, you’ve been behaving far more like the asshole than she has.
*But I did everything I could to get her key to her AFTER she asked me.*
No, you didn’t. A request from Sam via River, provided you confirm it’s genuine, is STILL a request from Sam. You chose to ignore it because you wanted the request to be made directly to you, and you were miffed that it came via River. God knows why you were annoyed – it was such a minor thing, it hardly required a gilt-edged personal request to you – but you were annoyed. Your annoyance made everything snowball from there.
You created a mountain of inconvenience and resentment and petty grievances out of something utterly trivial. If I were Sam, I’d take my key back and block your number for good. The fact that she’s still talking to you gives you an opportunity to repair this by apologizing to her for being so snotty.
YTA.
YTA, this is an exhausting post. Why did you have the keys in the first place?
YTA. The only hostility in that text was of your interpretation based on whatever right you think you have regarding someone else’s keys.
seriously, do I need to squint to see the hostility? OP is wild.
YTA: no, you shouldn’t have just given the keys to your other friend without checking with Sam first, I agree with that point that other comments have made, but it could’ve taken literally two seconds for you to text Sam about it. All you’ve done is drag your feet and make a mountain out of a mole hill.
>I was confused at the hostility
I’m confused too, because if you transcribed those texts faithfully, there is zero hostility in them.
YTA.
She wanted her keys back. Period. She asked for you to give them to River — and you didn’t.
She asked you to give them to Cam, and you said you would “the next time you saw him.” Which could be in a week.
Holding on to someone’s keys when they no longer want you to have them is an AH move. You should have given them to River from the beginning so they could get back to her — you don’t get to decide “nah I’ll hang onto them until I decide it’s a good time/way to return them.”
YTA why didn’t you just give the key to your roommate when they asked? If you were unsure, you could have called and asked. But it’s like you made everything way harder than it should be
You didn’t try everything to give the keys back because you declined/rejected two solutions. You claim hostility in the text messages, but from what you relayed, that’s just you building your own narrative. Also odd, you claim that while you’re hanging with coworkers this friend told you to come back right away but also “take your time I’m smoking”….
Sounds like, whatever problem y’all had initially, just like now, you can’t seem to understand your faults. YTA and it’s probably a recurring thing.