AITA for not telling my friends I was visiting home?
For context, I(31f) was visiting family over Christmas. I live in a different state due to my husband’s job. I hadn’t been back in over a year and was very excited. I didn’t really tell anyone I was coming except for a couple friends that I was still in contact with after moving. I wasn’t super close with those friends, but they still reached out and asked to spend time with my kids and I so I was greatful. Before leaving, I had two best friends. We will call them Sam(27f) and Rachel(28f). Sam and Rachel were my two closest friends. Rachel and I actually lived together for a little while before I moved. We all hung out almost everyday and made sure we did dinner at someone’s house every week. I had introduced them to each other and when they got along so well, that was a bonus for me. Well after I moved, Sam and Rachel started talking to me less and less until they just stopped talking to me altogether. I would try to reach out to them to see how things were but I wouldn’t get much reply back from either one. And decided to let it go because it wasn’t worth being upset about. Friendships come and go so I just let it be. Fast forward to two weeks ago. After a month of being home, I got a very long and angry message from Rachel, saying how hurt she was that I didn’t tell her I was in town and didn’t see her. She felt hurt when she saw mine and my mom’s FB posts that we were there. I told her that she hadn’t talked to me in a long time so I didn’t think she cared either way. I guess I was wrong. She blew up saying what a terrible friend and person I was and that I cared for no one but myself. I have felt very confused about all of this and I guess Sam was very upset as well but just didn’t feel like talking to me about it. I had tried reaching out before I was even there but they hadn’t responded on months. So AITA for not telling them I was in town?
NTA You can’t fit everyone in when you visit your family.
I’m gonna go NTA. Phones work both ways and if someone wants to stay in touch they will. I agree that friendships come and go and you can’t force a connection when it’s not there. Sounds like you tried reaching out before you arrived and didn’t get a response. At that point why embarrass yourself by reaching out repeatedly for crickets.
NTA. Sounds like they’re not friends at all
NTA, they didn’t respond to you when you did. Like you said, why bother getting upset over lost friends.
Sam wants you to do all the running after her. NTA she’s not worth it.
nta
NTA
Who needs that kind of toxic drama? Just block them and move on.
NTA. You know you reached out to deaf ears. Why does it bother you?
If you must, resend your previous reachouts to them and tell them goodbye.
Nope
NTA. I’m from a tourist city and now live in a different tourist city. I would never hear from friends until they were here and wanted to hang out, no heads up. Then it started to be that I would see on the socials they were in town, after they were home.
If I ever went home and posted on the socials, these same friends always said how much they missed me and wanted to see me so bad, but never really made any time. So I stopped posting on the socials when I went home, and I’m really not friends with any of those people anymore.
Because I knew the response I would get if I voiced my opinion, I just matched the energy and the relationships faded. Your “friend” is projecting something you don’t need to own. You’ve outgrown the friendship and that’s okay. Live your life and be happy with the ones who choose to show up.