So for context, I (M27) in Texas, she lives in Missouri, we are a few years apart, I work on weekends so I’d have to take time off work, but I’ve known about it for months and haven’t requested any time off or got a plane ticket/airbnb etc. My girlfriend and her friends are also going to NC same weekend and no lie I want to go with them, am I an asshole for not going to my sisters baby shower but going to NC with them?
Edit: I never told my sister yes I was going and when I asked her she said that she invited us so we didn’t feel left out because she knew how far away we lived
Edit 2: I just went to her wedding y’all are frying me
Edit 3: we are 3 years apart, this is her 2nd baby and I was there when she was born 10 years ago, we are close-ish
YTA-For saying yes to going and then backing out for NC.
YTA. It’s your sisters baby shower.
Unless you want to never talk to her again.
Do you actually like your sister? Kind of selfish tbh because you clearly have PTO and the money because you want to go to NC. YTA
No yeah YTA. It’s extremely clear you only care about yourself and don’t value meaningful connections. I hope you’re just extremely young and grow out of this behavior.
INFO-Are you her brother or sister? The reason I ask and probably because I am old and ignorant but if you are her brother then when did it become normal to expect male relatives to come to baby showers. My SIL had hers last year and when the younger cousin asked if her husband was invited my wife said they all looked at her like she grew a third eye. My wife told me that everyone thought it was weird she even asked.
I’m her younger brother
YTA but not for not going, for not communicating clearly and sending your RSVP promptly. An invitation is not a summons, you are free to go or not. You do however own someone who has invited you to something a definite response.
YTA. Missing for work or not having the funds to travel is one thing. Missing to go away with friends is the kind of thing that ruins relationships.
Need more info. What even is your relationship with your sister? Like, are you even close? Also, “years apart” means nothing. Are you in your 20s? Are you in college? Who’s older? Is this her first? Like. Bro. There’s basically nothing here other then, “I kinda want to just run off to north Carolina with my friends then go to the baby shower” and with zero further context, yeah… You’re an ah.
If you didn’t say yes, you’re NTAH. Baby showers are meant to be local parties hosted by a friend or family member. You live in another part of the country. A shower is a gift giving event, not a life event (like a wedding, a funeral, or if you’re religious even like a christening). Send your regrets, send a nice gift on her registry and a really heartfelt message, save your money to visit her and new baby when she is ready (or if you want to be a superstar, offer to come down and help for about a week after the birth IF SHE WANTS). Don’t tell her that you’re planning another trip unless you think it would help to say you’d already committed to those plans, and you’re sorry you can’t get out of them.
And yes, that does mean not posting photos on social media.
INFO: did you indicate you would or wouldn’t be going? Did your sister specifically ask you to?
With just the info here, I’m leaning towards YTA. It’s family. This sub is very big on not owing anybody anything, but a modicum of familial obligation goes a long way, barring toxic or egregious behavior.
Knowing for months and making absolutely zero arrangements to go, but then deciding last minute to go with your friends on an out of state adventure is AH behavior. It shows very clearly where your priorities lie.
But if you’re not close, as you say, she probably won’t be dying of heartbreak or anything. Buy an expensive gift from the registry and enjoy your weekend though.
YTA, this is your sister not some random college buddy or friend that you can text some excuse to. Sometimes you have to do shit you dont feel like doing for your loved ones, it’s called being an adult and not a self-centered child. Youre pushing 30, you should understand this by now. Stop acting like a 17 yr old kid.
I think you know the answer. Just ask yourself if you will feel good about telling your sister you want to go on a weekend away with friends instead of going to her baby shower. If you are comfortable with it, so be it. But if you feel inclined to lie or feel guilty, then I guess you answered your own question.
Do what you want to do. Just send a gift. I’m a 63-year-old woman, and I spent way too much of my life, living and making decisions based on how other people would feel about it. Trust me, you don’t want to waste your youth doing that. Go with your girlfriend. Send your regards to your sister.