My sister, who lives 135 miles from me (a 2-1/2 hour drive), has invited me to a birthday party for her granddaughter, my great-niece. I would genuinely love to be there, but I don’t want to put the mileage on my car. I know that my sister and probably my nephew (the baby’s father) will be disappointed if I don’t go. Deciding factors:
1. This is a momentous birthday because my great-niece was a micro preemie. She weighed less than 2 pounds at birth, was not expected to live, and spent her first 3 months in the hospital. She’s thriving and is a miracle baby.
2. I did make the drive down there 3 times last year: Once for the baby shower; once for a “half birthday” party they held when she was 6 months old; and again for Christmas. Frankly, I felt like others kind of “hogged” the baby and I didn’t get to hold her much or spend time with her anyway.
3. I bought my car (used) a little over a year ago and have put nearly 20,000 miles on it the first year. So I’d planned to rent a car to drive down for this birthday party. But my pet recently had a medical emergency that set me back nearly $800, which has had a bit of a domino effect on my budget.
4. I did contribute a portion of the cost of buying the baby a swing set / play set for her gift.
To sum up, I don’t want to put the miles on my car and I don’t want to spend the money to rent a car. But, especially given factor #1, I’m conflicted.
AITA for not driving all the way down there and back for a birthday party lasting a couple of hours that my great-niece won’t even remember?
Is the car reliable? Because that’s not a ton of miles in the grand scheme. Not sure if car mileage is a good enough reason for bad blood in the family.
Are you sure it isn’t some other reason, like others “hogging” the baby at Christmas?
NTA. You have shown up for family and baby repeatedly. Send a text to them all that morning to say how proud you are of all of them and send your birthday wishes.
Your finances matter and getting hit with an unexpected vet bill is rough. Travel isn’t a zero-cost. Mileage on a car impacts finances more than most appreciate, but it does sound like a poor excuse so don’t frame it that way if someone asks why you aren’t going. It is clear you care very much about your family. Sometimes you need to take care of your stability too.
Edit for clarity.
NTA. Personally I think 1st birthday parties are a bit ridiculous because the baby is clueless and it’s really just to get presents. You have been invited and it’s your call as to whether you accept or not; but you don’t have to provide a bunch of excuses as to why you can’t. You could just say, thank you for the invitation, I’m sorry I can’t make it this time. Maybe next time. And leave it at that. If they get mad that is their issue, not yours.
The theme for the first birthday party should be “we survived one year”. It’s a party for the parents having survived their world being turned upside down
270 miles? That’s nothing, it will literally have zero impact on your car. I usually drive more during the week and I have a 23-year-old car. If this is the reason you would not go, then yes, YTA.
NTA,
I tend to think of 1st birthday parties as something for the parents, not the kid.
I’m not going to pass judgement on AH or not but…
> but I don’t want to put the mileage on my car.
This is the lamest excuse ever. You buy cars to use them.
Sometimes the answer is “thats too long of a drive to do right now” and stick to your guns. But is that car is having problems, it might be a legit concern
NTA – just say ‘not in the budget for me right now, sorry, but I hope great-niece has a wonderful birthday’. The bit about others hogging the baby sounds a bit petty to bring up, but if you want more ‘me-time’ schedule it with the parents when your/their schedules, and your finances, are better aligned.
I’d be hard pressed to go to a far-away birthday party if I couldn’t spend the night and didn’t have someone to drive with.
Offer to FaceTime and come another time when it’s not so crowded? Or is there some reason they want/need you there other than loving to see you?
(Don’t tell them you don’t want to put miles on the car, it apparently pisses a lot of Redditors off!)
YTA – If the car is more than capable of making the 270 mile trip and you just don’t feel like driving it
NTA – If you’re genuinely concerned the car can’t handle the trip and if it’s the latter then start saving for something reliable so you can see her more frequently in the future
I was with you until you made it about mileage. Is it leased so that you get limited miles per year?
So you put almost 2000 miles on the car every month, bzt these 270 are a problem? Don’t use the car as an excuse.
Soft YTA. If you don’t want to drive that far alone I totally get it. But that isn’t that many miles to put in your car, so of that is your only excuse YTA. Yes the party is more for the parents the the baby, but it is a celebration since she has such a rough start to life.