AITA for calling out my aunt after finding out she lied about having cancer?
My Aunt Cathy has a long history of health problems, but she also has a pattern of exaggerating them and blowing things way out of proportion. This has been going on for years. She frequently gets my grandparents worked up and stressed when they already have their own issues to deal with.
She’s on disability and can’t drive because of a seizure disorder, so my grandpa often takes time off work to drive her to medical appointments. The problem is, she’ll guilt him into taking off work and then either still be asleep when he arrives or tell him she canceled the appointment because she didn’t feel well. Many of these are specialist appointments that took months to schedule.
A few months ago, she called everyone in the family and told us she had cancer and only had a few months to live. We were devastated. She asked for help making funeral arrangements and spent hours on the phone with family discussing what kind of casket and headstone she wanted.
Later, I was talking to my grandpa and found out he hadn’t taken her to any cancer appointments because a friend had been driving her. Given her history, I was suspicious. When I asked her what kind of cancer she had, she just said “blood cancer.” When I asked for more details, she said she didn’t want to talk about it.
Not long after that, she had a severe seizure and was hospitalized. I went with my grandpa to visit her. While she was heavily medicated, the doctor came in. My grandpa asked if her seizures were getting worse because of her cancer treatments. The doctor responded, “What cancer?” He checked her chart and said the only blood-related issue he saw was iron deficiency anemia.
My grandpa didn’t press the issue. After the doctor left, I was furious. My grandpa told me to keep quiet and suggested maybe she misunderstood something. He asked me not to bring it up.
I decided to keep what we learned to myself to avoid upsetting my grandpa. I started ignoring her calls because I knew I wouldn’t be able to stay quiet if she brought up her cancer again.
Recently, she sent me a long text saying she was hurt that I’d been ignoring her and that I hadn’t visited her in the hospital. (She didn’t remember me being there as she was heavily medicated).She also said she “doesn’t have much time left on this earth.”
I finally snapped. I told her what the doctor said at the hospital and that there was no record of cancer. I told her I needed space and that she needed mental health help for putting the whole family through months of stress and grief. I called my Grandpa and he is furious with me for adding to her stress.
Now I’m wondering if I went too far. She does have real physical and mental health issues.
AITA for calling her out?
NTA
Your whole family should also know about this. Her mental health issues do not change this.
NTA everyone (especially your grandpa) needs to stop enabling this behavior. It’s disruptive to other people’s lives and mental and emotional well being as well. Someone should read/send her the fable about the boy who cried wolf.
ETA if her mental health is that bad that ppl excuse her shenanigans, maybe she should be seeing a therapist/psychologist.
NTA. I’m not any kind of doctor but maybe she has Factitious Disorder (Munchausen’s)?
NTA. Pretending to have cancer, is so wrong, and telling your lived ones you have only months left…that is a whole different level of sick. I absolutely would have called her out. What was her explanation??? I would stay no contact until she gets mental health treatment. If grandpa wants to continue to entertain her lies, there is nothing you can do about that. I hope you told everyone else in the family that she lied
I would get that toxicity out of my life ASAP. F the aunt. What a piece of work! NTA
NTA she’s actually sick for lying about that. Just because it’s a grandma doesn’t mean you need to keep communicating with them.
NTA your grampa is addicted to enabling your aunt just wash your hands of this dynamic because they’re not going to change for you
NTA.
Many people unfortunately lost to cancer and people who pretend to have cancer for attention are major AHs.
>My grandpa told me to keep quiet and suggested maybe she misunderstood something
I have to disagree with your grandpa OP. Your aunt told everyone she had cancer and had a few months to live, no way she misunderstood anything. She did this solely for attention
You’re not TA, definitely not. But your aunt really does have some mental health issues. It’s not your fault though and understandable that you snapped.
NTA but IMHO your aunt has a serious mental health problem. 13 months ago I was told I had cancer. As a person who really has been told they have cancer I find her behaviour and lies are truly abhorrent.
NTA it sounds like grandpa is enabling her. I’d have blown her cover for the entire family.
Doctor here. YTA.
You are basing this on the doctor not having this in her chart. Do you have any idea how often that happens? All the time. I’ve had patients missing limbs and it wasn’t in their chart.
NTA – You didn’t scream it to the whole family, just told her, and only her, that you know the truth. She’s mad she got caught, and grandpa is embarrassed that he believed her. He’s mad at himself and taking it out on you. How is she going to explain months from now that she’s still alive, still has hair, and isn’t weak from chemo treatments?
Iron deficiency anemia is consistent with blood cancer. I am a caretaker for someone with a blood cancer and I can tell you that no ER has ever had the correct information- despite being part of the same system where he gets chemo.
She is also having seizures which can be a result of treatment or correlated to blood cancer. That isn’t a mental health issue.
Being unable to manage doctor appointments and clearly communicate are both consistent impacts of chemo on the brain.
To judge her based on these facts is pure ignorance about what someone with blood cancer goes through.
IF it is confirmed she doesn’t have cancer, your response is legitimate. However, I think you may have jumped the gun here and need to make sure your suspicions are confirmed by a legitimate source. Has your grandpa ever gone to the doctor appointments? Does he have rights to speak to her cancer doctor? He is going to have more insight into what is happening and you need to take his lead.
It’s one thing to be hesitant to cross your own boundaries for her, but you are interfering between a father and a daughter- that is not your role. If she does have a blood cancer, she could be gone fast and your last interaction with her would make you a bigger A than anything. If she does in fact have cancer, you better fall at her feet and beg forgiveness because you have made the last part of her life even worse by accusing her of this.
YTA for not treading carefully and getting more facts before blowing up.