I (22F) was hanging out with friends the other night. There are 9 of us in our group and we’ve got a wide range of ages/life stages so it’s kind of hard to actually get everyone together at the same time. It was the first time most of the group were meeting one of our friend’s girlfriend. I’ll call her Lori. She and my roommate Aaron have been dating for maybe 3 months now. I’ve met her in passing but never hung out with her before that night.
We wanted to make a party out of it so everyone brought food, a bottle, and a game. Things were going pretty well at first. Lori was nice to everyone but kind of reserved. Aaron did tell us she was pretty introverted so I assumed it was that. She didn’t really seem interested in the games or the drinks and mostly just watched Aaron take his turns and scrolled on her phone.
I got knocked out of the game pretty early on so I made a drink and grazed a little on the food everyone brought. After a bit I sat down with my soup in the living room where the group was playing. By this point I was tipsy and I laughed about my soup tasting so good yet looking like ditchwater. The rest of the group laughed and a couple of people agreed with me, but Lori got pissed. She told me it was super disrespectful and racist to say that about the soup. I was really confused about how it was supposed to be racist and she just said it’s because I’m shitting on her culture but like… I didn’t say this to her but she doesn’t even seem to have any strong cultural identity so I still am not sure what she’s talking about there. Her "culture" has nothing to do with my food imo.
Tbh I don’t think it’s really about the soup. I think she just wants to start drama because she also took the opportunity to make a comment about me being an alcoholic just because of how I made my drink. Pretty much had nothing to do with her issue with what I said about my food so I don’t know why she threw it at me unless she’s just trying to start trouble.
She and Aaron ended up going to bed pretty soon after the argument. The rest of us stayed up and played for a while and had a pretty nice night. Aaron has been a little shifty with me since then and I finally asked him this morning why he was being evasive and he told me Lori is still upset with me. She’s been giving him hell about "living with a racist". He asked me to just apologize so that he won’t have to hear about it from her anymore, but I really do not think I’m in the wrong for making a joke about my own soup. I brought up how she was out of line for going off and insulting me. He told me he can’t even begin to talk to her about that because she’s so upset about me "being racist" so he’s no help at all.
Aita?
Edit: I made the soup.
Info – who made the soup?
Yes, without this context, it’s hard to make a judgement. It’s insanely rude if the GF or any of the other guests provided a dish and OP insulted it.
However, if OP made the soup and was making a self deprecating remark about the food she herself prepared, I am having a hard time understanding why the GF took offense and then followed up with the alcohol abuse remark.
If it’s the latter, roommate’s GF might have some insecurities around OP living with her BF and being so folded into his close friend group.
Still, it is worth having a convo with the roommate to maybe understand his GF’s culture to see where the misunderstanding lies.
My presumption is it is something like – OP made borsht, and the girlfriend has Ukrainian heritage, and OP doesn’t, and found the Ditchwater comment to be mocking her culture more broadly.
Take any given culture, another commenter suggested the soup was gumbo and the girlfriend was from Louisiana. Could be the soup was egg drop soup and the girlfriend is Chinese… could be Clam Chowder and the girlfriend is from Maine…
who knows, but I bet it’s something like that.
can you explain what makes your comment on the soup as racist? did she make the soup? what kind of soup was it? enquiring minds want to know..
So ditch water…. Water that ends up in a ditch? How is that racist? Im confused
Info: who made the soup???
I’m not sure how your comment was racist but if Lori made the soup then I can understand why she would be upset that you insulted how it looked.
INFO: did you say this about soup you yourself made or soup someone else had brought?
You made the soup you “disparaged,” right? Like there’s no chance she thought you were insulting her. She’s just being ridiculous about the words you used?
I’ve never heard any reference to ditch water being racist.
But just to be SUPER clear. Was it gumbo? Or did it look kind of like gumbo and she’s from Louisiana and you’re not?
> But just to be SUPER clear. Was it gumbo? Or did it look kind of like gumbo and she’s from Louisiana and you’re not?
whoa you may have found the issue
Im from Louisiana, born and raised and Im pissed you even suggested.
This would be really close to a Cajun slur aswell.
My gawd I think you found it.
INFO: You’re saying “your soup” so I would *assume* you mean you made the soup, but since you never explicitly say it… you *did* make the soup you said looked like ditchwater, right?
I thought she made this soup that you very low key insulted, but it was your soup that you made. Based on what is said here you are NTA, but I feel like information has to be missing because I don’t understand how saying the yummy soup looked like ditch water became racist. Did you make food from another culture that she may be apart of? Did you make any culturally insensitive jokes during the party?
NTA
How telling smth bad about YOUR OWN soup, the one you made yourself, can be racist to anyone
The comments here are the most american bullshit I have ever seen on this website. WTF
NTA but I would ask for some clarification on to how you negging your own soup is offense.
Was everyone eating of the soup? It can be disrespectful to say that sort of thing about food others are eating even if you make it. Just the idea of you negging something you expect others to consume, but we shouldn’t speculate.
NTA. Lori sounds really boring. And secondly, it’s your soup, call it whatever you want.