My boyfriend was in the UK infantry from 2018 to May 2022. He worries that he might be recalled for service within a year or two with how the Iran vs. USAxIsrael conflict is growing. He asked me about my thoughts on it and was I worried and I told him I am not because I think this is unlikely to happen as UK is not directly involved and he is basically a civilian now. I know there might be a slight possibility if it progresses into something more and I’m not dismissing it completely. But on an emotional level, I’m not there yet cos it’s still not too real for me and just a hypothetical question.
He is pissed off with me because I am not worried about it. I told him if he’s just trying to see my reaction out of something that isn’t real yet, it’s a bit unproductive.
I think it is also unfair for me as he’s asking me to emotionally prepare for a thing i never signed up for. I honestly think he has too much of an attachment with the army that he’s finding himself relevant to the ongoing war. I told him what’s the sense of me going to the UK (we are in a long distance relationship) if he will just leave me there and go to war in the middle east just wondering what will happen to him. He’s too much invested on it that he wraps his head around a future going into the war.
It is not that I don’t care but it isn’t like he was already recalled to serve and UK isn’t even directly involved. And I don’t even want him getting involved at all and just make plans to live in my country since his mom is from here and away from all the conflicts but I can sense he lowkey wants a bit of an involvement to say relevant with the army. I just honestly think we should cross the bridge when we get there and live happily with what we have now than stress on something that’s not even real yet. It’s all he talks about all the time.
UPDATE: He was so mad at me and called me dumb for my opinion on it. I blocked him and considering breaking up with him for his reaction over the opinion he asked.
YTA for dismissing his concerns and not supporting him
Just because YOU don’t see the possibility, it depends on his service contract jf he could be recalled and put into very real harm’s way
It’s not going to happen.
The UK will not be putting boots on the ground in Iran, not for the foreseeable future anyway.
Like OP intuits, her boyfriend is feeling left out because his time in the military was peaceful and he’s connected his identity with the army.
He knows he’s not getting called up, he just wants everyone to know he could go to war if he really wanted to.
That’s what I honestly think as well. I need to fully understand it to a realistic level before I react to it.
He asked me for my honest opinion and that was it. I always told him about not wanting him to rejoin even at times of peace. What more now?
NTA
This is the male version of “would you love me if I was a worm” but with guns
NAH, but you could have responded with more empathy, you are not wrong that right now it is hypothetical and you do not want to live in panic mode but he is also not wrong for feeling anxious and asking for reassuranceThe main issue is he asked about feelings and you answered probability so to him it likely sounded like you do not care
NTA. Its hypothetical and whats the chances of being recalled in the UK?
Pretty slim. Like there would need to be a serious conflict that stretches the current military capability. Recalled veterans would more than likely be utilised to fill non-combat support roles too like admin and logistics.
NTA. He has a soldier’s mindset and is probably processing real anxiety about it, for him this isn’t hypothetical, it’s identity. You’re being practical and not catastrophizing, which is also valid. Neither of you is wrong, you’re just operating on completely different emotional timelines with this.
thank you for the very grounded answer.
INFO: why not tell him what you’ve written here? You may need to reword things a little more gently in places, but you clearly have a lot of thoughts on the matter. There’s no need to pretend that you don’t.
nah he’s too angry. i told him im not worried cos it’s not likely to happen and he’s just arguing it’s going to happen and quite fairly soon.
I’ve dealt with anxiety a long time. There is a constant balance between what is ACTUALLY happening, what WILL happen, and what my brain likes to think MIGHT happen.
I have to remind myself thoughts are not reality and I can only deal with reality. There are some future events worth creating a contingency for, but if I am going to invest the emotional energy into planning it needs to be a better than 50% chance it will happen.
NTA for not being concerned. Could have possibly handled it with a little more empathy knowing he’s sensitive to the topic.
>My boyfriend was in the UK infantry from 2018 to May 2022. He worries that he might be recalled for service within a year or two with how the Iran vs. USAxIsrael conflict is growing.
Yeah that’s a pretty wild conclusion to jump to based on the events that have actually happened.
>He asked me about my thoughts on it and was I worried and I told him I am not
I mean he literally asked and you answered.
>He is pissed off with me because I am not worried about it.
Misery loves company.
>I can sense he lowkey wants a bit of an involvement to say relevant with the army.
I agree. Every time a war breaks out or some tragedy happens, there’s a bunch of people who have the odd reaction of trying to force themselves to be a victim in a situation that has nothing to do with them. NTA
He secretly wants a slice of the glory. Very cringey guy. Definitely run