My MIL used to be very close with me and our kids (her grandkids). About two years ago she and I had a falling out and things have been strained since then. She hasn’t seen the kids since September – and that’s been entirely her choice. She’s taken other trips and just hasn’t prioritized seeing them.
My SIL is getting married soon and we’re traveling in for the wedding. My husband asked his mom if we could stay at her house since everyone will be staying at a hotel near the venue.
She said no.
Okay. Not great, but we made other arrangements and moved on.
Fast forward to this week: my husband is in town for work and his parents drove down to have dinner with him. During that dinner she casually mentions that she’s letting her nephew and his wife stay at the house the exact same weekend as the wedding.
So apparently the house was available. Just not for her son, daughter-in-law, and grandkids.
Then today she posts on Facebook about how she drove hours just to have dinner with her son, with smiling photos and a sentimental caption.
Meanwhile she hasn’t seen her grandkids in months (by her own choice) and wouldn’t let us stay at her house for the wedding.
Performative much? It’s taking everything I have to not leave a sassy response on her post.
At this point I’m honestly ready to go nuclear and boycott the entire wedding (My SIL is just as difficult as my MIL, but that’s another story.)
Husband’s POV – My husband agrees with me. After the falling out he did tell his parents how he felt about the situation. At this point though he doesn’t want to keep pushing it because, in his words, “they’re old and probably going to die soon,” so he doesn’t want to keep rocking the boat.
INFO – what was the nature of the falling out?
need to know why you guys don’t talk then i’ll let you know if you’re the AH
YTA, but to be very clear, it’s because you’re conflating the conflict with MIL with SIL’s celebration. Yes she’ll be there, but the celebration is supposed to be about SIL.
If you have SIL-based reasons to skip SIL’s wedding (which you do allude to), then do so in clear conscience, but skipping the SIL’s wedding in some attempt to get back at or trouble your MIL is poor form. MIL’s events are the ones you skip because you’re fighting with her.
YTA. You aren’t entitled to stay at your MIL’s house. Maybe she wanted to offer it to someone who is less able to afford other accommodation. Maybe she offered it to them before you asked. Maybe she wants the people staying in her house to actually like her.
And none of this relates to your sister in law.
INFO: why are you thinking of boycotting your SIL’s wedding because you are having a disagreement with your MIL? You casually mention that the SIL is difficult. But your whole post is about MIL. I would expect a post about a disagreement with your SIL since it’s her wedding you want to skip, not your MIL’s
You say SIL is another story, but if it’s her wedding, then that’s the relevant story. There isn’t enough information here to judge. I’m leaning YTA because you are basing your decision about attending one person’s wedding on a different person’s conduct
YTA. You are punishing your SIL because you and your MIL had a falling out.
I’m confused why you would want to stay at her house anyways. You 2 obviously don’t like each other and that’s fine. Would you have someone you disliked at your house?
Not enough info here, but soft YTA for being annoyed she’s not accommodating you. No is a complete sentence. Hard YTA if you choose not to go to your SIL’s wedding. Put your feelings aside and support your husband. That’s his family and it’s one day you can suck it up & smile. Who knows, you might even have fun.
YTA. Your in-laws have decided that they do not want to interact with you any longer. They still want to engage with their son and probably also the grandkids but they know you wouldn’t let the grandkids be around them without you so they likely won’t try.
You can’t make them want to host or be around you. Having a fit and refusing to attend the wedding for this reason is immature. Your desire to leave nasty comments on social media or boycott the wedding indicates that maybe the in-laws have their reasons for not wanting to be around you.
For me, I’d let it all go, give up the idea that you will spend time with them. Let your husband and potentially your kids have whatever relationship with them they all decide to have and enjoy the peace on your own. (And mute them on social media).
YTA. Your MIL is entitled to decide who she wants to host. Just because her house is available, doesn’t mean you’re entitled to it. I understand why she wouldn’t want you there.
Reading your post history, it sounds like you’re the problem more than your MIL. You sound very controlling.
After reading your other post YTA. You are focused on the fact that MIL didn’t feel up to going to something the day after Thanksgiving but was fine the next day. And you “forced” her to use a motorized scooter as if she was a child. Guess what? People who are in need of things like a knee replacement or have knee and back issues can be fine one day and need to rest the next. Or need rest. Especially people in their 70s. Perhaps she doesn’t want you staying with her because of your invalid opinions on her health.
YTA you aren’t entitled to stay at IL’s house. If you don’t like SIL don’t go. If you don’t like MIL don’t blame SIL.
If MIL doesn’t want a relationship with grandkids that is up to MIL.
OP said on another post that this is the falling out:
Husband’s POV – My husband agrees with me. After the falling out he did tell his parents how he felt about the situation. At this point though he doesn’t want to keep pushing it because, in his words, “they’re old and probably going to die soon,” so he doesn’t want to keep rocking the boat.
The Falling Out – My in-laws flew to stay with us over Thanksgiving a couple years ago. My SIL and her girlfriend also flew in as a surprise.
We had ordered a catered Thanksgiving meal, but my MIL asked if we could also do a cooked meal the day after Thanksgiving with extended family that lives near us. Thanksgiving morning my MIL was cooking a dish for the next day and got annoyed that we didn’t have enough butter for her recipe, making comments like, “Why don’t you have butter? Butter is a staple in my household.”
It turned out the day-after-Thanksgiving meal was essentially the real Thanksgiving for that side of the family. They chose not to celebrate on Thanksgiving and waited for us.
The next night we had tickets to a holiday light show (we bought them for my in-laws as a Christmas present). That morning my MIL said her knee hurt too much from the “bustling” of the previous night (she needed knee replacement surgery). My FIL then said he would stay home with her because he “hadn’t been sleeping great.”
The catch was my SIL and her girlfriend didn’t have tickets and the event was sold out, so it felt pretty obvious they were trying to get us to give them their tickets.
My husband got upset and called them out because the tickets were supposed to be a gift to them. We ended up rescheduling for later and forfeiting their tickets.
The next day we went to the zoo and my MIL said her knee felt fine enough to go, walking the zoo would have been way harder on her knees than the light show, which made the whole thing more bizarre. We argued about why this didn’t make sense. They ended up going but we made my MIL use a motorized scooter because of her knee.
That night both of my in-laws stayed in their room and didn’t come out for dinner.
The next morning before they left while my husband was packing the car, I privately said to them “we should probably talk about what happened, but your son doesn’t want to”, and my MIL said “me either because it’s not worth it”.
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Honestly, I see this as a childish falling out… so I would go with YTA. Because honestly I have seen and lived things soooo much worse than someone saying that there is no butter.
You preferring to cancel tickets instead of giving it to someone else that would had appreciated it, and making assumptions that someone that went needs knee surgery can’t have good days and bad days.
YTA because instead of apologizing for being childish on thanksgiving, you prefer to feel offended for minor things and prefer to drag it all the way to your SIL wedding day.