My girlfriend and I are trying to be more active and healthier so we’re consistently going to the gym for three days a week. Most of the time that’s Monday, Wednesday and Friday but we agreed to be flexible since we don’t want to miss out of events and other plans if something comes up.
This week we couldn’t go Monday and had an event to go to on Thursday so said we’d go Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday.
We felt ill on Tuesday so didn’t go and said we’d be fine just going twice. Then when it came time to get ready for the event on Thursday my gf mentioned we should be going to the gym instead. She said she feels guilty for only going twice and we shouldn’t be going to the event.
I pointed out we shouldn’t be missing out on things for the gym and we should be working the gym around our life, not the other way around. I said missing one session isn’t bad and that it’ll become an obsession if she’s this willing to cancel our plans because of the gym.
She just said we should be cancelling our plans to go to the gym but I just said again I’ve paid for tickets to this event, she shouldn’t be cancelling to go to the gym. I said it’s becoming an obsession if this is how missing one session is getting her acting and she should talk to someone about it before it gets worse.
She said I was being unfair and it’s not an obsession but I disagreed. She said it was no big deal skipping the event but I pointed out it is a big deal when I’ve paid for us to go and because the gym shouldn’t be interfering with events we enjoy going to.
AITAH for expecting our plans to go ahead and for pointing out the gym is becoming an obsession for my partner?
NTA, lots of people have an unhealthy relationship with gym. You sound like you have an awareness of that and she doesn’t
NTA, but her anxiety might be stemming for some reason. I understand not wanting to miss the event, and this all being in the heat of the moment. But the conversation could have been more calmer, trying to understand why she feels missing just one session is this big of a deal all of a sudden.
She is wrong to want to change plans last minute but to me it doesn’t seem her intention to spoil your evening. I would suggest have a conversation to work it out.
INFO: What kind of illness did you have on Tuesday? Maybe she’s too obsessed with the gym, or maybe you’re losing interest and looking for excuses not to go while she’s feeling good and doesn’t want to lose momentum.
NTA. A lot of people get into unhealthy, guilt-driven patterns around health, fitness, and food, and it sounds like your GF is getting that way about the gym. Taking care of your fitness is supposed to improve your life, not become your life.
NTA; but this is not a hill worth dying on. Let her go to the gym; you and a friend can go to the event.
NTA. As someone who lives and breathes the gym and absolutely does hate missing…sometimes it’s unavoidable. And I would consider an event that’s planned and paid for as unavoidable at that point. I don’t necessarily agree with the sentiment that the gym should always be worked around because health should be prioritized. But this sounds like a week where it just didn’t work out including feeling ill and set plans. If it’s not a common occurrence that she feels like the gym is taking a back seat then I think it absolutely makes sense to carry on with the event and get back on track with the gym next week. One off week doesn’t kill progress.
Umm, what about Sat or Sun as gym days?
NTA you paid for it. It she wants to go to the gym, let her go and you go to the event by yourself
NAH leaning NTA for wanting the plans to happen, but you kinda fumbled the wording. You’re right that one missed session isn’t a failure and the gym should fit around life especially when tickets are paid and you already agreed to be flexible.But calling it an obsession and telling her to talk to someone will make her feel judged and may push her to dig in harder
You are literally only one pointing this out. Humanity is doomed if we dont even try to listen and understand why someone would pull out from plans
NTA but it’s not easy. One needs to learn being flexible and reasonable around gym time while also not falling onto it as an excuse for slacking.
It’s hard.
go urself what are you 5yrs old
Being a part of a couple does not require that both people do exactly the same thing at the same time. If she wants to go to the gym, fine! If you want to go to the event, fine! You aren’t joined at the hip so each of you should feel free to go do what you want to do.