AITA for not telling my friend I was going to a basketball game instead of youth group?
Okay, so for a bit of quick context, I have been attending a youth group for about 2 years now at a church 30 mins away. We had a winter retreat and I brought my friend who we’ll call M for now. She had an okay time there and she spent the first two hours saying she wanted to leave. She was fine by the end and had made some friendships, but I’m not sure if she got attached.
M and I have been best friends for 3 years, and we both do musical together. I’m stage and she’s cast. The last two weeks of youth group we have missed because I went home from rehearsal early sick and then this recent Wednesday I decided to go to a basketball game.
Our school’s girl’s varsity team made it to semi-final, and my friend plays so I went to support her. Also, a side note is that she hasn’t ever been a second time, it’s been 3 weeks since the retreat, and we missed meetings because of plans not lining up.
Anywhoo, the reason she is mad at me is because I had my mother arrange with hers that I wanted to go to the game, and if Mya wanted to to go youth group then I would go with her and just miss the game instead. M’s mom and my mother talked and I was cleared to go the game and we simply wouldn’t go to youth group. I don’t see M a lot ik school hallways and I rarely get a chance to talk to her. She’s a 10th grader and 2 years older than me, so obviously our schedules never mix.
I arrived at the school on Wednesday evening to wait for the spectator bus, and she herself was taking a 5:30 bus home from rehearsal (stage crew was cancelled). She asked why I was there and I said I was going to the game. She blew up at me and got super mad, started ignoring me. We were in a small group of people hanging out until like the bus came and everyone else was like laughing and joking saying she was mad about it and other people were like comforting me as a joke saying it’s okay and don’t listen to to her. All jokes obviously, but she has a streak for being hot headed and a bit crazy. I assumed she might be upset for a bit or maybe even a day, so I have her space but tried to keep friendly interaction.
She’s been ignoring me for 2 days. It’s FRIDAY. All of our friends are on my side though and I did talked to one of them. She told me M said she’s not just mad about the youth group thing and that it’s other things and she’s just trying to "distance herself." She’s blatantly ignoring me, as we’ve been like sisters for so long. I feel desperate but I also don’t want to be her friend when she keeps doing this. Even times when we should be interacting because of forced proximity she blatantly ignores me. I asked what scene we were on 20 minutes ago and she just gave me a dirty look and walked away. Even with forced proximity in places where we NEED to talk, she won’t communicate. Normally she cools off by now, but this sounds and feels like a permanent loss.
NTA, because cutting off contact over something like this is ridiculous. Even if it was a misunderstanding, your friend is overreacting, especially if she didn’t even try to communicate rationally why she was upset and how you guys can move forward.
It seems like you have two options here. You can either let this friend go or you can try to have a conversation to allow her to talk about her feelings. You’re probably getting to the age where friendships might meet painful ends, but remember to put yourself first through this.
I might try to talk to her about it, I’m debating it.
NTA Don’t bother, she’s a waste of time.
NTA People who get mad over seemingly nothing and then stonewall, are toxic and need to be culled from the herd. I think this manufactured anger is just their toxic way of controlling and cutting ties with others. If she won’t communicate why she’s upset, then it’s best to move on to other friends. You don’t need that drama in your life.
Sweetie, you said yourself that she has a way of being hot headed and crazy, and she might have other things going on in her life that you aren’t even aware of or involved in. Maybe you are the unfortunate one she is taking her anger out on. It might be a good thing that she’s distancing herself from you in case she’s doing that.
Some people naturally go in different directions as they mature. It seems to me that you are a good kid, Don’t let anyone make you feel bad. Take care and if you can talk to your mom, do that. Don’t let social media influence you in a bad way. I, myself, don’t understand why they refer to it as ‘social media’, because it sometimes seems unsocial, or even antisocial imho.
Thank you!! I kinda felt this was coming, but it feels sad to let it go as we’ve been close for so long. It’s frustrating to be ignored but I’m being civil and I’ll see if she wants to talk. If not, it’s her choice to reconcile and let go. I feel like an ass for being selfish and choosing the game, but it’s one basketball game.
NTA. You didn’t ditch her, you just went to a game one night and the parents already talked about it. It’s not like you promised her you’d go to youth group and then lied.
If she’s ignoring you for days and saying she wants to “distance herself”, that sounds like there are other issues she hasn’t told you about. You can try asking her directly once, but if she won’t even talk, there’s not much you can do.
NTA
Youth group is dumb. Ditch it more