So I (23m) have had multiple friends complain over the years that they have no idea where I live (not in a creepy way), and that we hang out at all kinds of places and their places, but I’ve never invited people to my place.
Well, the reason why isn’t that my place is messy or whatever. It’s that I am second gen Greek and per cultural rules I must partake in philoxenia. This means I have to treat visitors like royalty and cater to their every whim. I must make a giant meze platter and feed everyone and have drinks available. This is even if guests say they are not hungry.
Well, I don’t wanna sound insane so I avoid the lengthy explanation usually, but even when I do say the truth of it my friends just say I don’t have to feed them. But I do if they come to my place.
AITA for not just sucking it up and having people over? It just gives me a lot of anxiety about making all that food.
Er what?
Is it religion or is it a cultural thing? If it’s religion I can understand but I know Greek people and none fo them do this
Why do you have to? Is this a religious obligation? What happens if you just…don’t?
INFO: in your culture, aren’t you failing to partake in philoxenia if you’re purposefully avoiding “giving back” all the hospitality you’ve been offered?
Unless you’re still living with parents, why on earth would you have to do all of that? Who’s gonna see? Friend gonna tell on you? lol
if you’ve been to their place, then it is only fair to share the hospitality back.
get some soda and a pizza or even some snacks. also its a great excuse to motivate yourself to clean up often if you’re messy.
YTA work on your anxiety. You don’t have to serve them lots of food or anything like that. Sounds like you are avoiding uncomfortable emotions at the cost of your friends. They have to then take over the burden of hosting you or pay for their food when you meet somewhere else.
Sounds like excuses to me. If you live alone, who would even know if you were or weren’t doing these things when they visited? Also, lots of Greek people don’t do this. Friendships should share equal labor, meaning, you should equally be hosting at your spot and not expecting them to be constantly hosting at theirs, YTA.
Ok but you literally don’t have to. Do you believe that you’ll “go to hell” or something bad will happen to you if you don’t? I’m sorry I’m a little ignorant of this custom despite my SIL being half Greek/half German.
Info: You do know you don’t have to do these things right. Zeus isn’t going to strike you down with lightning.
I think when your friends are telling you that they’ve noticed that you never return their hospitality then you’re already failing your philoxenia.
YTA
You have to as in because you’re religious or what? Do you have a reason you have to do it? No judgement I know people who have to do things in threes but that’s because there’s something else going on with them. Also are your friends upset that you don’t let them come over? Do they care? If they don’t care then idk why you’d have to invite them.
> I must partake in philoxenia
You don’t.
YTA and a freeloader.
Look, I know tons of second and first generation Greek people and you are taking filoxenia a little too far. I’m not sure what happened there exactly but the point of it is not to make yourself labor for hours and force feed people. The point is to treat people warmly, like family.
So, if you wanna invite people over, just have them over and let them get the good seats and order from the place they like. NAH, this feels like a cultural misunderstanding on your part honestly. Really, just look it up.
>It’s that I am second gen Greek and per cultural rules I must partake in philoxenia.
You’re thus also first-gen “whichever-culture-you-are-living-in-now” and an adult, you can decide which traditions you want to continue with and which you want to scrap or redefine for yourself.
I get it that if there were family members among your friends (like cousins you are close with, etc.), it would be expected of you to partake in the traditions, especially if they do, but it does not sound as if your friends are from the same culture, they probably truly don’t care.
Invite them over for a movie night with pizzas (that you order) and beer (where each brings their own), or throw a potluck party where each brings a dish and you provide maybe some drinks but if they want something specific or want large quantities, they must bring it themselves.
>we hang out at all kinds of places and their places
What does the group do for food and drinks when you are their places? Just do that too, then you’ll be fine.