My boyfriend (21M) and I (18F) have been together for 4 years. His sister is about 32 and married. I’m writing because I want to know if I’m the problem. When I was 15–16 she used to message my boyfriend’s ex girlfriend complaining about me and calling me a brat or bitch. She also told her that I demanded the bedroom at their family vacation house in Sicily, which was never true. Every summer we stay there about a month. My boyfriend and I usually sleep in the small bedroom near his parents, but when she arrives after about two weeks with her husband and dog, we have to move to the sofa bed in the living room so they can take the room. I never demanded the bedroom, but there were situations that made me uncomfortable. Once while my boyfriend and I were having intimate time she came out to get water and started laughing hysterically asking him what he was doing. Another time she entered the room without knocking while I was on top of him and kept asking what we were doing under the blanket. I later asked her politely for privacy in front of my boyfriend and his parents since the living room where we sleep has no door, but she replied angrily that she is a married woman and needs privacy too. Ironically she and her husband often sleep with their door open and their dog in the room, and the dog often pees on the sofa or mattress and they don’t clean it well. Two summers ago my mom visited and brought our 14 year old dog. His sister kept complaining my dog smelled even though he’s old and has immune problems so we can’t wash him often. Last summer we met a girl at the beach and later his sister messaged her on Instagram asking if my boyfriend was single and if she would date him. My boyfriend found out from his brother in law and came back shocked and even cried telling me. Later the family invited that same girl to dinner and his sister kept hugging her and complimenting her. I’m not jealous but it felt intentional, like she wanted to replace me. Recently my boyfriend and I broke up for 3 months but got back together because we still love each other. Last week I stayed at his house and his sister acted like nothing happened but her husband looked at me with a disgusted expression. Today he is spending International Women’s Day with his sister and said I could join the video call, but I feel uncomfortable knowing she’s there. AITA for feeling hurt and not wanting to interact with her?
NTA. Anyone would feel uncomfortable after all that. Messaging his ex about you, asking another girl if your boyfriend is single, and walking in on you without knocking is way out of line. That’s not normal behavior from a sister.
You’re not wrong for wanting some distance from her. Feeling hurt is a pretty natural reaction when someone keeps undermining you like that.
NTA. if his sister is DMing girls asking if your boyfriend is single, she’s not neutral she’s auditioning replacements.
NTA. The older you get, the more you realize you shouldn’t be asking “does he/she like me”, its “Do I even like him/her”. Your boyfriends sister sounds like a nightmare. The best you can do is not give any reaction, and that includes entertaining your boyfriend when he feigns ignorance. I wouldn’t answer that video call until your boyfriend sets some boundaries and stands up for you.
Sure, NTA overall. But light YTA for being intimate in the living room of a house, even though that was your only sleeping area. Once you’re in common areas with no door, your expectation of privacy is gone and you should probably wait for a private time/place.
THIS – it doesn’t look like your BF is defending you or putting his foot down. I would have a serious discussion with him. This has to stop.
NTA. She doesn’t clearly dislike you, she’s actively sabotaging your relationship. Messaging exes, flirting on your boyfriend’s behalf, embarrassing you on purpose, and inviting replacement girls around is nasty behavior, not misunderstanding. The bigger issue is whether your boyfriend and his family are actually setting boundaries with her.
NTA. That’s not normal behaviour from a 30-odd year old either. She needs some help. Have you spoken to your boyfriend about how she makes you feel?
I’m really sorry that I’m asking but what? How old were you both when you got together? Have you ever thought maybe that’s part of it. ?
Esh
You should never have sex in an open space when you’re with others. You are just asking for trouble what if it had been his parents
Updateme
ESH she doesn’t have to like you. You having sex in a public area of a vacation house says she may have a good few reasons not to
On the other hand she’s an adult and should probably hide her feelings a bit better
Don’t you have privacy when you are not visiting? Maybe I misunderstand. (Though, I might be hipocrital because I had sex in the front room of my motber-in-laws house, on an air mattress in the middle of the night.) Eww. But the rest of what the sister does is really bad.
Yes we do,but when the sister is there not much,so we just lock the door up,but while on holidays we wanted to but yk the sister had to make fun