Ever since I \[M29\] started my driving lessons at 16, I loathe driving.
I always told everyone that I hate driving. I drive only when I’m in a VERY good mood – when I’m okay with sacrificing some of my well-being to help someone.
I was a truck driver in the army for 3 years, hated every day.
I had 2 clashes recently, one with my best friend’s birthday, where the group instantly had the expectation that I’d be driving everyone, though I never made that deal and wasn’t made aware – they did know I was free and had no excuse not to drive, but I still refused to drive because I hate it that much – we all took a bus.
Today, my sister had eye surgery. She needed someone with her at the surgery to drive her there and back, and I reluctantly agreed – because I was prepared and in a decent mood, and though I should’ve known, there’s also a review of her surgery tomorrow – but she said she can take a bus, to which I was relieved.
I live in Israel, so it’s war time, and my dad is livid – to be honest, I’d rather get hit by a rocket than drive again, but he’s absolutely furious with me – Yes, I understand it’s war time, but one of these days I’ll drive off a cliff as I’m tired of feeling like I owe everyone help.
If surrendering my license was viable, didn’t affect job prospects, didn’t hurt my social standing, and (non-existing) dating life, I’d probably do it.
AITA?
NTA!! If you hate driving that much, forcing you behind the wheel helps nobody!!
You’ve commented about certain situations in the past but specifically are you asking if you’re an asshole for having your sister take the bus for her surgical review?
I get that driving can be stressful where you are. I have never been in a war zone when driving, but some would say the beltway around DC in the US can be quite stressful and I drove that for years. Do you think it’s possible when things calm down (hopefully sooner than later) it’s that you may need more driving in typical conditions and you may get used to it and accept it?
If you have explained the situation to your father that it makes you very nervous (and that could impact your driving performance and safety btw), then your NTA. If you’re expecting him to read your mind about this, then YTA.
I’ve driven every day for 3 years in the army, sometimes for 6+ hours, this includes all kind of situations, most of the time they were typical ones.
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I’m asking if I’m an asshole for not trying harder and getting over my discomfort.
I’m a better driver than most, people constantly compliment me and say they never felt smoother drives. My commanders thought I’m a perfectionist in my driving.
My dad took it as me being selfish – that I rather drop to the floor and fall asleep than drive the next day.
If she’s in an absolute unbearable state tomorrow, bawling her eyes out due to how painful it is, sure, fine, no problem – but only because I’ll what state she’s in, and not because of how my dad perceives it.
While he was talking down at me my sister told him to quiet down, patted my head and told me not to listen to him.
I’m just thinking of how people can react with “sure, she said she’s fine with it, but you’re expected to help”.
And was I also supposed to care even more about my friends, enough to say “who cares that I hate driving, I need to drive my friends”? – That question wouldn’t need to be asked if I never got a license in the first place – does surrendering my license then means that I hate everyone?
Yoir dad is right.
If you’re good at driving and it’s not an anxiety issue, then what exactly is the issue? Is the appointment your sister needs to go to across the country? I just can’t figure out what’s stopping you from helping her.
Ypu want your sister who at this point has 1 working eye to take A BUS to a post surgery appointment? Damn You are an ASSHOLE.
YTA
Both eyes are functional, it was PRK.
Not comfortable, but useable, I had the same surgery a few years ago.
I’m the asshole because I have a license I wish I never had? I’m just trying to understand the logic here. I rather pay $150 for a taxi if needed. No one would’ve called me an AH if I didn’t have a license as driving her wouldn’t have even been an option – that’s what I’m struggling to grasp.
Driving a group of friends isn’t necessary and you’re NTA especially when it wasn’t prearranged. Not following through as an escort for your sister who needs you medically just because you don’t like driving shows disgusting moral character. May it be repaid to you some day.
I’m fine with taking the bus with her, I have offered that to her a while ago but she’s sleeping.
I’m also fine with paying $150 for a taxi – just don’t make me drive, that’s it. I simply forgot that it would be a 2-day ordeal, it’s not that she told me, I simply forgot how my own surgery went and thought it would be a 1 day kind of deal.
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I also act being completely aware that I have no say in how people treat me after I treat them – I take a bus instead of driving to my own appointments too.
The problem with you expecting it to be repaid is that there’s no way for people to do it, since I never have the same expectations from other people as they have of me – I DON’T feel like people have an obligation to help me, and I’m quite fine with that.
I wash my own dishes – it’s as simple as that.
NTA but definitely need help and to figure stuff out. Tonnes of people live good lives without a license, so there’s really no excuse to keep it if you hate it that much. If you’re conflicted about not having it then you really need to figure out how to do this without hurting your mental health. And ‘rather get hit by a missile than drive again’ but still refusing to get rid of your license is straight up mental illness level.
It’s a social expectation kind of thing – and some pragmatism, maybe?
I mean, if a rocket actually hits someone else, I’m probably grabbing the steering wheel despite how much I hate it.
But if I surrender my license, I’ll probably be ostracized by literally everyone I know – some people are tired of me not owning a car and having to drive me back home (though I do offer to pay gas, stay until buses are back in action, or even just walk around town until buses are back in action, enjoying a book or using my laptop for a few hours).
My dad would stop talking to me, problematic when I’m living iwith them and paying rent. Mom would probably just get sad. Dad also needs help driving Grandma to the hospital sometimes – I don’t refuse there because it would be monstrous to, obviously.
Every single coworkers at my job for some reason kept pestering me to “get a license” even though I already had a license – just no car – and I rather not drive anyway. Telling them I had a license surprised most of them but I still refused to get a car, and simply told them that I hate driving.
But without a car, I’m dooming myself to many less job opportunities, no romantic prospects (again, not that I’m successful with a license anyway), and just general dangers and lack of opportunities (not being able to drive people to hospitals).
In events such as live concerts, I drive there, but with EXTREME dread. I sometimes give up on concerts even after I bought tickets because I just can’t see myself driving that day.
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TL:DR
It’s not realistic not to have a licencse, because life gets even harder without it. Kind of like how much someone would rather not have a catheter.
I’m sure your friends were fine with the bus, but don’t do your sister like that. Social norms vary by culture, but when I had a surgery, my sister flew 1,500 miles to be there with. I emphasized that I didn’t need the help, and she emphasized that her presence wasn’t optional.
Turns out, I was exceptionally grateful for her being there. Even for just the little things that I could mostly do for myself, but I didn’t have to because she was there.
Pay for the taxi (as you mentioned in another comment) or drive her, but don’t make her do it alone.
My friends were 100% not fine with the bus. My best friend was gloomy the entire night and they thought of me as a moron later on when I suggested surrendering my license so no one has any expectations from me anymore.
I’m also fine with funding my sister’s driving license if it means everyone gets off my back in this aspect.
I know it sounds extreme but I would really rather someone beat the \*\*\*\* out of me rather than drive. I’ll take lots of abuse over driving tyvm.