I (26 f) still live at home for personal reasons. For context I have a mini fridge in my room where I keep a personal stash of sodas. Well my mom has gotten into the habit of offering my sodas to guests without asking me. She just says something like so and so would like one so please bring one down. Normally I cave but this time I just got fed up and told her no I’m not gonna bring one down for our guest I never offered one. She then calls me on my phone multiple times to call me selfish and tell me how wrong I am. I tried explaining it’s not really about the soda itself it’s the idea that it should be my choice whether I offer from my stash. I should be allowed to say no to which her response was it extremely selfish to ever say no about something like that. When I told her I don’t think it’s selfish to want a say in how I share my things she said that if I asked 100 different people they’d all say the same thing as her. So is she right? AITA? Does this make me selfish?
To answer some questions yes I pay rent, no I do not buy my own groceries I do buy the sodas though, the household upkeep is divided between all residents (except the bedrooms which are cleaned by the one who’s room it is) I keep the kitchen clean, my brother keeps the trash managed, etc so it’s not like I don’t pull my weight.
NTA.
Don’t offer people other people’s stuff.
Nta, just say you’ve got none left
NTA. You are paying for it, it is not in a common area. My husband knows he can offer anything to anyone out of the big fridge, but the little fridge is my drinks and off limits.
NTA. Offering up someone else’s property is rude as hell. Though that’s assuming you pay for them yourself.
If she wants soda for guests she needs to buy it, especially since you’re paying rent, NTA.
I have a mini fridge too I lock my bedroom door when I leave so no one steals my drinks.
Ok so for some context … 1. I do pay rent for my room, utilities etc 2. I was explicitly told that it doesn’t matter weather I’m paying for the sodas or not I should share regardless (mom’s words not mine)
No. You shouldn’t. And no is a complete sentence. If mom wants to start subsidizing, that’s another story.
If mom wants to offer her guests sodas, she can buy them and stock them in the main fridge herself. End of. You are not selfish. You are not subsidizing her social life.
If they are HER guests, she should have drinks on hand to give them. Her guests are not your problem.
Nta. Is she buying the sodas? Is she gonna replace what her guests drink? Its so funny that your mom calls you selfish when shes offering up something thats not hers?
I love how people are asking if she pays rent like it fucking matters. Even if you offer your adult child a place to stay *for free* you don’t get to continually offer their items to guests against their will. It’s theirs. If you want soda for your guests then keep some sodas on hand for them.
It’s nice to share but you have no obligation to do so *unless that’s the agreement that you have*.
P.S. she does in fact pay rent and utilities. I don’t know why there are clowns in here asking “is it market rate?” because it doesn’t matter. Your parents don’t get to treat your stuff like community property because you’re still living in their home.
A soda is a small thing but respecting that it isn’t yours to offer is also a small but important thing.
Louder so they all can hear you!!!!!!! You dont offer up what is not yours! Mom has boundary issues real bad.
Hey OP’s Mom: I am a mom of a twenty something. I agree with OP. She is NTA; you are.
If you generally like those sodas to be available to your guests, then STOCK them in YOUR KITCHEN.
It would have been fine to ask on a rare occasion – where you were caught by surprise and didn’t have another appropriate drink to offer your guest (maybe someone needed a carbonated drink for their upset stomach). But OP has already accommodated you on much more than the rare occasion. Her stash seems to live at the forefront of your mind as the handy soda shop for your guests. That’s when you became TA.
It reminds me of the AITA posts where the gf says she doesn’t want anything to eat (you not buying sodas for the house to use as desired) but then proceeds to demand half the food off her bf’s plate (demanding to consume what OP purchased for their personal consumption). \[Commenters: The posts here indicate that this is not a crazy stereotype.\]
I get that you are providing OP with a place to live and saving her money on utilities, even her food; but you still need to respect something that she is taking the trouble to purchase specifically for her use. Don’t think that your niceness and generosity means she owes you giving up whatever she has when you want.
If you feel OP needs to contribute to food expenses, then discuss that with her. That allows her to budget her money and still plan her spending for personal purchases – and know that the things she buys for herself will be there for her to use when she wants them. Otherwise, just keep a few sodas in the house to offer your guests.