I (17F) have a friend, Jane (17F) (not her real name). We’ve been friends since we were little, and we’re like moderately close, but not like bestest of friends (mainly since she’s a bit of a gossip so I don’t like talking about personal matters with her).
Jane often borrows items from me and then takes a long time to return them. The delay alone does not bother me much. What confuses me is how she responds when I ask for the item back. For example, she once borrowed a camera from me which I rarely use. A few days later I asked for it back. She said she would bring it to school the next day. The next day I asked if she had it. She said, “Yeah, it’s in my bag. I’ll give it to you.” Her bag was with her, so I said, “Okay, can you give it to me now?” She said yes. But she couldn’t give it to me, because she DIDN’T HAVE IT. So I told her to bring it the next day. The same exchange happened again. This pattern repeated for several days. I usually end up waiting a couple weeks before I get the item back. She’s done this several times with several things. I borrow items from her sometimes as well, but I always return them in a timely manner.
Last week (on Thursday), she realized she had started her period and bled through her jeans. There was a semi noticeable stain, like if you weren’t looking at her butt you might not see it, but if you did look at her butt it would be pretty obvious. It was a warm day, and I was the only person in that class (first period) who was wearing a jacket or removable layer of any kind. She asked if she could take my jacket to tie it around her waist.
This specific jacket was a team jacket, and we had a competition the upcoming weekend where we would all need to be wearing the jacket for our competition. I told her that I couldn’t trust her to give me back the jacket before Saturday (the day of the competition) and couldn’t give it to her. She promised she would bring it back on the next day, on Friday, but I told her she’s made that promise to me several times and I have no reason to believe her.
She ended up calling her mom to bring her a change of pants, but she lives like 20 mins away from school, so this was like 40 mins round trip for her mom. Both her parents are usually at work during the day, but her mom just happened to have the day off, so it worked out.
I felt bad, but I literally had no reason to trust her and believe that THIS time she would bring the jacket back immediately, and I needed it for Saturday.
She’s been pretty upset that I didn’t help her in a "time of need" but I feel like she brought this upon herself.
AITA for not giving her the jacket?
NTA, and moments like this will teach her to be more respectful of other people’s belongings and managing her period better.
Tell her your mom said no more borrowing items to friends.
\*lending
NTA. Jane cried wolf one too many times and that was the consequence.
I would have offered to help clean the jeans in the bathroom as fresh blood is pretty easy to get out, and let her figure out something for a pad.
NTA Sucks but you gotta treat people based on how they acted in the past. I remember one time my friend bled through and zibgave her my sweater and told her to keep it but it was just a regular sweater
Of course not TA, and never lend her anything, ever.
Make it a firm policy to never again lend her anything and never borrow anything from her. Life will be so much easier!
I don’t know, I think if I were you I will not give my clothes when someone on period, just for a hygiene purposes.
Even if they used to bring my items back.
NTA – if she promptly returned things that were loaned (in good condition) then you might have considered it. But why should you be stressed and upset trying to get the jacket back before your team comp when she forgets to bring it tomorrow?
NTA. That sucks but hey, actions have consequences.
NTA. Lesson learned.
NTA. Based on her previous behavior, you had no reason to trust her. Good on you for refusing to be a doormat anymore. I wish I had learned to stand up for myself when I was your age. Let her stay mad. You weren’t that close anyways, and it sounds like she was more interested in borrowing your stuff than hanging out.
NTA and I honestly think you are being way too nice overall. Your friends dont have any “rights” to YOUR belongings. Dont overthink it.
NTA. She’s shown you several times that her word is not to be trusted and the jacket was required dress for the event. Let her be mad. Never lend anything to her in the future and don’t ask to borrow anything from her. That part of the relationship should be discontinued.