My (25F) sister (19F) was supposed to be coming to visit this week since this week is her university’s spring break. She was going to be staying with me at my apartment in my spare room, since it’s not in her budget to rent a hotel room, and I can’t afford to pay for it myself. I had a whole itinerary of activities for us planned for each day, and I was really excited to see her.
The problem is, my sister loves to use coconut-scented/infused perfume, body and haircare products, and I’m HIGHLY allergic to coconut. Ingesting it, touching it, or even smelling something that’s made with coconut ingredients can send me into full-on anaphylaxis. So, this past week I asked her if she could leave any products she uses that contain coconut at home because of my allergy. I even offered to buy her travel-sized, coconut-free replacements for any of the products she’d need during her visit.
She threw a fit and told me that I had no right to "police" what kind of products she uses for HER body, and that I’m being controlling and selfish. Before hanging up, she told me that she’s decided she won’t be coming to visit anymore.
Maybe I AM selfish, but I don’t really see why she’s so upset. I’m not telling her she can NEVER use those products again, I just simply asked if she could refrain from doing so while she’s staying with me. I feel like I deserve to be safe from allergen triggers in my own home. Anaphylaxis can be DEADLY, and I’d rather not lose my life because my sister was too stubborn to stop using her beloved products for a few days.
So. AITA for telling my sister she can’t wear her favorite products?
**Edit:**
**1.) This allergy is new. I developed it fairly recently, we have not lived together or even seen each other in person since I developed it.**
**2.) I believe she thinks I’m making this up because I never have liked coconut or coconut-scented things. So it’s likely she thinks I’m lying about being allergic just so I can manipulate her into leaving her coconut things at home.**
NTA
You don’t want to die.
She’s your sister. She shouldn’t want you to die either.
She can wear what she wants. Just not around you.
You’re allergic. She can find some where else to stay.
Nta.
“what could go wrong you’re overreacting” is the bane of people with allergy. NTA.
NTA and sister isn’t welcome to come until she understands that your health is important.
NTA. This isn’t about policing her body, it’s about preventing a literal medical emergency in your own home. You even offered replacements, which makes her reaction even more ridiculous If she’d rather keep her coconut products than keep you safe for a few days, that says everything
NTA. Does she just not realize the seriousness of it? It’s bizarre that someone would react that way to that obviously reasonable request. Maybe she thinks you’re faking and not actually allergic or something? It’s just so hard to explain her reaction.
People who use heavy perfumes are inconsiderate.
NTA. I don’t get anaphylaxis. I just have milder allergic reactions to various chemicals and scents. I don’t allow them on my home or car. Preferred scents/products aren’t more important than avoiding allergic reactions. If anything, she’s the one policing your body if she insists she can send your body into anaphylactic shock and you have to go along with that in your own home.
NTA.
You’re not policing her body, you’re asking her not to bring something into your home that could literally send you into anaphylaxis. That’s a life-threatening allergy, not a preference.
You even offered to buy coconut-free travel replacements, which is more than reasonable. Going a few days without a specific perfume or shampoo isn’t a big ask when the alternative is potentially putting you in the hospital.
Wanting to be safe in your own home isn’t selfish.
I’m glad she’s not coming to visit if she doesn’t give a shit about you. NTA Don’t invite or go anywhere with her anymore. She isn’t worth dying for if she’s cool with killing you.
NTA, her narcissism is going to kill you, dude
Fake.
NTA I too prefer that my family not attempt to kill me in my own house.
NTA – and you might have to rescind the invitation. (EDIT – I see she’s already handled that for you. )
Killing one’s host is generally considered AH behavior.