I have went on a boy trip with my cousins to Vietnam. Five of us had already travelled together, and the youngest cousin was joining us for the first time. He was invited by his elder brother.
Since we have been doing things together for a long time, the group dynamic between the five of us was light with a lot of jokes on each other etc. The youngest cousin, however, was extremely aloof and did not try to engage with anyone. He was also rude with others. We tried to ignore it but we did end up making fun of him on occasions.
For example, in one is incident – we had brought fresh chocolate bun from the market and were sharing it so we called him thrice. Since he was taking his sweet time, I told him to hurry up or there won’t be any left for him. He came into the room and blew up on me, saying that if I had any common sense, we would save some for him. We were very bewildered by this reaction and me, and one of our cousins turned this into a running joke where we called each other out for not having common sense throughout the next day for stupid reasons.
We didn’t think much of it because we were used to making fun of each other lightheartedly.
The real concept happened when we had gone to watch lantern festival, and while waiting for cab on our way back, he tried to throw garbage on the road subtly. I called him out inside you can’t do that. He blew up on me, said that he was not going to, but he can do whatever he wants. So now he definitely will. That I am jealous of him, which is why I keep provoking him and a lot more. I just kept insisting that he pick up the garbage.
Now here might be where I am the asshole, in the car he made a few passive aggressive comments to my other cousins and in a moment of anger I said that if you think this was provocation than he should wait for what comes next.
On returning home he and his brother went to their room and after an hour came and confronted me. By the way, the elder brother is an angel normally, so I just kept quiet and listened to him. He said that we were mistreating the younger brother and that my tone was harsh. I apologised to him but not the younger brother and said that I would simply not engage for the rest of the trip because when I tried to point out how we had also taken care of him throughout the trip, he snapped at me and said do I think that I am doing them some favour. This was the first time I felt like an outsider in this group and that I would never be given the benefit of the doubt because I don’t have my own brother. I told them to not invite me if the younger brother is planning to come on any future trip.
So AITA?
I do not think that you are the bad one here for trying to keep the dynamic going. The yougster is the outsider there and he should adapt not you
Their dynamic is immature. It should be stopped, just for emotional maturity.
That kid needs good role models, not to adapt to a bunch of joke cracking AHs…
ESH. you because he didn’t like being made fun of and you continued doing it. the elder brother is TA cause he saw his younger brother trying to litter on a street of a country you are visiting, the younger cuz is TA cuz **who litters on the street of a country they are visiting??** talk to the other 4 and see if you can go back to just the 5 of you since the younger cuz doesn’t wanna meet the vibe of the trip and by the sound of your story, he was just being an all-around vacay buzzkill.
i would love to see a post from the younger cousin to get their pov as well
Honestly didn’t know it was such a big deal to him. We stopped completely after that day. Infact he didn’t speak to anyone for the rest of the trip and I for one didn’t initiate conversation either.
On the part of his PoV, we would like that too. The elder brother is actually very concerned about him because he isn’t doing anything at all and is at home watching reels. Bringing him on the trip, I think he had some hope that he will open up. But clearly I wasn’t a saint and I was pushing his buttons so yeah.
ESH. He’s for littering and you’re for joking on someone who doesn’t want to participate in your funny exchanges. Even with an established group dynamic you still need to read the room.
ESH
You and your cousins are AHs. You’re not making light hearted jokes, you’re being cruel. He’s an AH for littering and for lying and for just… bad emotional regulation/maturity.
YTA for that nonsense about not inviting you if the younger brother is going… That’s just stupid and petty. Stop being a child, own your BS, regulate your emotions, and go talk and repair relationships like a competent adult.
Y’all sound terrible. Y’all need to grow TF up.
I agree on the me being an ass part as well but if I am not compatible with someone, shouldn’t I not remove myself from that situation? He is constantly rude, shouts at all of us and I just don’t think I want to sacrifice my vacations or further harm my relationship with his elder brother. What would you suggest doing?
He’s a stupid kid. Do you what stupid kids do? they emulate the people around them. They emulate the people they look up to. Like, oh, say… their older cousins?
Y’ALL are constantly rude. I’m guessing he’s not the only one yelling… Or being defensive, or reacting to perceived attacks instead of listening, or being emotionally immature…
You want a suggestion? Try role modeling a good person to this dumb young kid.
Stop the stupid jokes, TALK to the kid, admit your fuckups, communicate WITH him, agree that you’ll both behave like reasonable people, etc etc etc.
Don’t just “not harm” your relationship with his eldest brother… STRENGTHEN your relationship with his eldest brother by telling him you’ll do all of the above.
I hear you and I am not defending myself. I should definitely do the above. But we are not all constantly rude. We joke around but this is the first time in last 4-5 years that we have been hanging out as adults outside family units that there was a fight. And he has interacted with us since going to college very little. Mostly he has had his dad and elder brother around who are both the calmest and most stable people in our extended family. Our other cousin who I admire the most because of how chill he is also tried to engage in conversation with him and the results were not nice. We at one point thought maybe he was bullied at college so reached out to friends in this past year as well but nothing of the sort.
I think the reason I became so antagonistic is because of some sexiest stuff he said in the previous night. I am genuinely finding this difficult to navigate because yes all of what you said is right but I myself am an opinionated and confrontational person. Need to learn how to reconcile that I guess. Thank you for your input. I appreciate it.
Maybe he’s been getting incel BS online?
Some older person he looks up to should step up and talk to him about that…
Sounds like someone is spoiled and has never been put in his place or thought respect. Its ok if you feel like an asshole or they make you feel that way cause sometimes someone has to be the asshole. That’s how you weave out the undesirables. If you found you’re the one that ends up the outcast then you don’t belong with that group anyway cause they showed preference for a disrespectful entitled little prick over you who called him out for shitty behavior.