My boyfriend’s birthday is coming up, and this has been bothering me again. I want to know if I’m being selfish or if my feelings are reasonable.
For context, we’re both 19 and have been together for almost 3 years. Early in our relationship, I made a post asking if I was selfish for feeling upset about not being included in his birthday plans. Most people said I was, so I took that seriously and worked on not making it about myself.
Since then, I’ve stopped expecting anything and don’t really bring it up anymore. The issue is that nothing has changed.
In almost 3 years, I have never been invited to his actual birthday celebration. His birthday is usually just him and his mom, and I understand that. I’m not expecting to be included in everything or to take away from their time together. Even so, I still feel like after this long, something could be accommodated even briefly without it becoming a big deal.
The most I ever get is sometimes seeing him the night before. One year, the only reason I even got that was because I reminded him that I had asked to be included before he had completely forgotten that I ever mentioned it.
His mom knows I exist. His family knows I exist. I’m not hidden. I just feel like after almost 3 years, it hurts to be consistently left out, even in a small way.
I’ve accepted that his birthday isn’t about me, but it still makes me feel unimportant that there’s never been any effort to include me at all. At this point, I don’t bring it up much because I don’t want to seem needy or selfish.
So, AITA for still feeling hurt and wondering if he’s being inconsiderate?