My sister 62F is giving her 34M son a card with a significant amount of cash for his master’s graduation. He’s been married to his wife 34F for 6 years, and they dated for 9 years before that. They’ve supported each other through undergrad and grad school, and are graduating with master’s degrees within a month of each other.
I mentioned to my sister that I’m sure her son and DIL would appreciate the gift, and that it’s a testament to their relationship that they’ve made it through all this together. But she clarified that the gift is just for her son, not her DIL.
I think this is hurtful to her DIL, and that it’s weird to exclude her from the gift given their history and marriage. I told my sister that most people would address the gift to the couple, and that it’s going into their shared family pot anyway. But she’s adamant that she wants it to be just for her son.
I find it odd because my sister has always been close to her DIL, and they’ve been together since they were 19. I thought she would be proud of her too, and happy to celebrate their joint achievement.
Now my sister is upset with me, but I’m only bringing it up because I love and care about my sister and don’t want her to mess up her relationship with her son and DIL. I think she’s overlooking the significance of their partnership and the fact that they’ve been a team through all this.
To be clear: My sister’s son and DIL graduated both with Masters within a month of each other. So they graduated at the same time and she is doing absolutely nothing for her DIL.
NTA. You are trying to prevent your sister from making a huge mistake that will definitely have repercussions affecting her relationship with DIL and most likely her son also.
This is so wrong on so many counts.
NTA. I find that completely odd. There should either be two gifts, which don’t necessarily have to be equal (the money for him, and something nice for her) or it should be a joint gift. Not acknowledging your DIL’s accomplishments is going to cause hard feelings.
I asked her what she is getting DIL then and she said nothing which I find odd. If she was getting her DIL another gift of some sort than of course that would be normal but I find it odd she has been in her DIL’s life since she was a teenager and watched her just as much as she saw her son go through undergrad and grad together and she isn’t getting her anything. I even told my sister I am confused if they both graduated at the same time and it doesn’t cost you any extra to add your DIL’s name to the card why wouldn’t you?
NTA
You tried to make sure that your sister understood what she was doing when she sent that gift.
Now if she tells her son he’s not allowed to spend the money on anything but himself, or otherwise inserts herself into what happens with that money after she gifts, it –
Then, you know that was her goal the whole time.
All the YTA comments are from people who think they can control their adult children with money.
Don’t worry about their opinions.
Once it’s a gift- it doesn’t matter her intentions. The son will decide with his wife what it goes toward. Let’s hope he handles it correctly
NTA
Her DIL is family and also achieving this milestone. Either they get extremely similar cards/amounts, or one card with cash that is addressed to both of them.
Obviously she doesn’t have to do this, but actions like this are the start of becoming the type of MIL who ends up being discussed on r/JUSTNOMIL
That said, you warned her. She’s an adult. She gets to decide this.
Wow do most of you HATE your DIL/SIL???
Apparently!! Or else they’re teens/college aged themselves and have no idea what decades long adult relationships are like. 🤷♀️
Respectfully I think this is none of your business.
This is absolutely something I could see my MIL doing and it would really upset me so I don’t think you were in the wrong to speak up about it. It’s not about her doing something nice for her son for graduation- that’s completely reasonable- it’s that she is completely ignoring her DIL’s same accomplishment and not planning to celebrate her as well. I think it would make more sense to do a joint card for them both as they are married, have been working towards their masters together and are technically graduating together, even if their ceremonies are separate. I think your sister should prepare for damage in her relationship with her DIL & possibly her son after this decision. It definitely seems like a purposeful snub to DIL.
The reading comprehension on reddit these days.
Both the nephew and his wife have achieved a masters and are graduating – they have separate ceremonies. OP made it clear they have both supported each other to get to this point.
OP also made is clear that the gift is a significant sum of money. If my partner got a couple hundred as a gift, yeah I wouldn’t expect that to be shared. If they got a substantial sum of money, yeah I think it’s weird to gift one person in a couple a large sum of money.
NTA but I thinks you’re making a bigger deal of this than it should be. Even if the money is just addressed to her son, it will probably go to their shared account or to their home so it’s the same.
NTA. Your sister knows exactly what she’s doing. She’s just mad you saw through it.
Lol this sub is so silly sometimes and people forget how human interpersonal dynamics look. If your sister isn’t going to call out your shitty behavior, who will? NTA for your thoughts on this and for telling your sister. Someone should tell her that she’s about to strain her relationship with her son and DIL.
IDK, according to this sub we never tell anyone anything unless they directly ask about that thing but…that’s not how relationships work. Your sister is making a bad move her and when she comes crying to you that her DIL is giving her the cold shoulder, remind her that you told her she was doing something hurtful.