1(29F) live with my boyfriend (34M)
and we’ve been together for about 6 years. Recently he started berating me because several things in the house are falling apart – things like the faucet, the oven door, the countertop getting worn, and even a door knob that’s starting to come loose.
The thing is… none of this stuff has ever really been maintained or repaired during the entire time we’ve lived here. Things just naturally got older over time.
When he noticed the issues, he started saying that I "ruined everything" in the house and that things were never like this before in his entire life living with someone else. I was honestly shocked because we both use everything in the house equally.
He also said something that confused me even more – he told me he’s never seen his parents fix anything around their house growing up, which I guess is why he thinks things shouldn’t break or need maintenance, like the faucet, door knobs,…
What bothers me is that some of the problems weren’t even caused by me. For example, he clogged the sink before with his facial hair and left the clogged, dirty water sitting in the sink for weeks. It got gross and moldy. I eventually had to scoop the water out myself and buy Drano to fix it after it had been sitting there for almost a month. There have also been other issues that just come from normal use over time.
On top of that, I’m usually the one who ends up trying to fix things around the house. Even small things like changing light bulbs or figuring out how to repair something when it stops working. It’s not like I’m careless with the house – if anything, I feel like I’m the one trying to keep things functioning.
But when stuff breaks, it somehow becomes my fault.
However, I’ll admit there was one thing that was actually my fault. I accidentally stained part of the wooden floor with hair dye a while ago. I didn’t do it on purpose and I tried to clean it, but the stain didn’t come out completely. When that happened he went absolutely ballistic on me and brought it up again during this argument as proof that | "ruin things."
From my perspective, if two people live somewhere for 6 years and no one does maintenance, it’s normal for things to wear out.I’m not saying I’m perfect, but I don’t think it’s fair to say I "ruined everything."
he’s acting like I’m irresponsible and destructive, and I’m starting to question whether I’m actually missing something here.
So AlTA for being upset and pushing back when he blamed me for all the household things breaking?
Maybe he’s trying to create reasons to break up with you
Nta. homes need constant maintenance. get away from a man who is constantly on the attack. he is gaslighting you.
NTA
Seems like he has no real experience being an adult living on his own, and hr finds it easier to blame someone else than learn new skills as they become necessary. Hope him yelling at you is out of character as that seems quite unhealthy.
YTA to yourself. He’s hypocritical and seems kind of dumb. Things break, wear and tear happens. He’s lying when he says he never saw his parents fix things. Also, why do you let him speak to you like this?
NTA but after someone left dirty hair water in the sink for a MONTH id leave them. You should too.
If the door still opens, go through & don’t look back
NTA
But please tell me why are you with someone who treats you like this? You would be so much happier living alone
NTA. Sounds like he needs to have a convo with his parents. Just because he didn’t see it growing up doesn’t mean it wasn’t done. He needs a reality check where it started.
Your man is a cretin. Good luck with that. If you have kids, he will blame every problem on you and throw around what a bad mother you are
He is either a grown man who still believes in household fairies and maintenance gnomes, or he’s a gross, lazy AH who is trying to gaslight you.
NTA, and it sounds like your boyfriend hates you. Maybe this is your sign that it’s time to rethink things.
It sounds like he’s over living with you and is lashing out. Leave and let him see how everything magically fixes itself and nothing ever breaks or wears out again.
NTA.
Your bf knows NOTHING about property maintenance, from the sounds of it. If he “never saw” his parents do anything, either they (1) had someone else do alllllll of the things, or (2) he “never saw” it because it was obviously beneath His Lordship’s notice.
Why are you letting him talk to you and treat you like this? Especially after the clogged sink? That is beyond gross. Depending on whose name is on the lease/mortgage, kick him out/get out yourself. Pulling that “it’s all your fault” BS is just that — BS. You deserve better than that, and you should get him out of the picture.
NTA. You are dating one of life’s losers. Leave him before he ruins your life.