Me (20 F) has had a friend (20 F) for 5 years and recently she’s became such a bad friend. She only speaks to me for her problems or if she needs validation from the situation ship she has with someone else’s partner (her situation ship has been in a relationship with the another girl for 3 years). She is actively seeking a romantic relationship with this girl regardless of the situation and the fact it’s had a strain on our friendship (which i’ve repeatedly spoken up about), when i try and talk to her about how i feel she constantly shuts me down and says she can’t have this conversation right now. I decided recently after a lot of thinking that i wanted to cut this friendship off as i felt like more of a therapist then a friend, and her constant lying and betrayal was putting a strain on my own mental health, i thought i would at least have the decency to explain to her why i didn’t want to be friends anymore as we’ve had such a long friendship. However when i tried to have the conversation with her she shut me down again, a few day later when it came time to talk about it her grandad got sick (she hasn’t spoken or seen the man in over 5 years). I was already done with this friendship before this point and didn’t message her when he was sick (throughout a period of 5 days). He passed away today and i felt obligated to give her a message with my sympathies and was made out to be the asshole for not messaging when he was sick. So am i the asshole?
NTA, but it seems you are one step from breaking this “friendship”.
OP said she was done with the friendship already.
But she still wants to speak with her.
i don’t want to be friends with her, i just thought it was the mature thing to do.
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NTA – but I would tread carefully with this former friendship going forward…
Imo she was just angry cause she felt you didnt do your “job” as she always expected you to. she only came to you for drama, ignored your feelings, and shut you down every time you tried to have a real convo. That’s not a friend. Her grandad being sick doesn’t suddenly undo all that, especially when she wasn’t even close to him. You still sent condolences when he passed, which was kind. She’s blaming you because it’s easier than looking at how she’s treated you. You’re not the AH, she is.
I’d say to do what’s best for you and that if she’s not respecting ur boundaries than that’s on her and ur not responsible for managing her enough. The fact that u reached out even tho u really didn’t want to shows maturity on ur end
I hear you and it really does seem like reaching out was already more than she had earned.
NTA. It was nice of you to reach out when you found out he had passed, but nothing more was required of you. Move on, this friendship is done.
NTA sometimes you don’t need to do a formal break up with a friend, just fade out of her life, so you’re not not friends but you’re not the friend that she leans on. So not checking in when Grandpa is sick but sending sympathies when he passes is perfect.
NTA. You have decided to move on, commit to that.