A few months ago my friend asked me to lend them some money because they said they were going through a tough time. I trusted them and gave it to them and they promised they would pay me back within a few weeks.
It’s been months now and they still haven’t paid me back. Every time I bring it up they either change the subject or say they will send it soon but it never happens.
Recently they came to me again asking for more money saying they really need help. I told them no and explained that I’m still waiting for the first amount to be returned.
They got upset and said I was being selfish and that friends are supposed to help each other. Now they’re acting distant and telling other people I refused to help them when they needed it.
I feel bad because maybe they really are struggling but at the same time I don’t think it’s fair to keep lending money when they haven’t paid me back the first time.
Am I the asshole?
Nta. If you trusted them the first time to give it back to you and they didn’t, you can expect the same behavior the second time. Don’t loan what you’re not getting returned unless you don’t ever expect to get it back.
Why do you even have to ask?
NTA. Your friend never paid you back, so I think it’s logical you refused to give them anything else. In all honesty, I only lend friends (and family) money if I can afford to lose it.
NTA. If they didn’t pay you back the first time I wouldn’t trust they will this time. You can’t count on it being a lending situation and really the question is would you be the a hole for not giving them the money? (as you aren’t likely to ever see it again).
Thanks you. After the first time I can’t treat it like a real loan anymore. It would basically be giving money away, and I’m not in a position to do that. Saying no doesn’t make me wrong it just means I’m being realistic and protecting myself
NTA,
Tell them you had an emergency come up and YOU need money.
Have you ever heard the adage, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” It fits here.
Lol, that saying fits perfectly here. I gave them the benefit of the doubt once and that was on them. I’m not putting myself in that position ever again
NTA. Let him know that friends also pay their debts.
No
NTA
They had months and never paid back any of the money you previously lent. It would be a bad idea to risk more of your money on this friend. “Unfortunately, I can’t be out even more money.”
Oh honey, you got played with one of the oldest tricks in the book. NTA unless you let yourself get played again.
NTA, whether it’s because they can’t repay you or choose not to, you can tell them and anyone who brings it up that you can’t continue to lend them money. So if others can, great. Though it does matter what’s going on. I’d treat someone who gambles differently than a friend who was injured.
NTA part of me would be tempted to repeatedly change the subject or give false promises about sending the money soon, but that wouldn’t help things. Your approach is correct.