When my girlfriend first met my family she was extremely shy and awkward. She was worried about interrupting people, so sometimes she wouldn’t say hello right away. Since then she’s worked on it a lot and now gets along with most of my family with the exception of my sister.
Over time my sister started disliking her more and more. It got to the point where my sister had my girlfriend banned from the house and tried to exclude her from family events.
Recently my sister’s birthday and my son’s birthday were a day apart. The only day I had free to celebrate was one day in the middle, so I asked my sister if we could celebrate both birthdays then (with permission). I also asked if my girlfriend could attend. My sister said I “basically gave her no choice,” even though I told her that if she wasn’t comfortable, I would celebrate my son’s birthday somewhere else so it didn’t interfere with hers.
Later, my girlfriend planned a dinner for her and myself. My sister then happened to be (downstairs) visiting (unplanned). I asked if it would be okay for my girlfriend to come upstairs without bothering her, but my sister got angry and brought up the birthday issue again. I said that was fine and that I’d just tell my girlfriend to come over later instead.
However, my girlfriend texted my sister asking if she could come in because she had just finished a shift, was starving, and wanted to give her a birthday gift. She actually arrived around the same time she sent the text. My sister got angry and stormed out.
Now my family is giving me the cold shoulder and saying I don’t consider my sister’s feelings and saying that my girlfriend was trying to guilt trip my sister…
AITA?
Hey sorry, first time poster, I’ve tried to address info in comments but honestly feeling a little overwhelmed, it’s been a bit of a rollercoaster these past few days and I’m glad that I’m at least not going insane and people agree that my sister has a little too much control, I’ve been feeling fairly alone with these thoughts and it felt good to let them out but I don’t know if I can keep replying to comments atm I’m getting too emotional
What exactly is your sister’s issue with your girlfriend?
NTA. I’m really confused about why your sister has a hate on for your gf. Nothing you’ve described is worth the attitude she’s showing.
Do you live with your family ? Why does your sister get to decide who comes into your house ?
More info dude
NTA. Your sister sounds horrible. Your family sounds horrible. These are not good people. What does your sister claim GF has done to warrant this kind of treatment?
NTA. But what’s missing here: the reason your sister hates your girlfriend. That would give some context to the whole thing.
NTA but you need to stop kowtowing to your sisters’s nonsense. why does she get to tell your gf she can’t go in certain places of the house that aren’t hers (the sister’s). That’s a boundary the parent(s) of the house decide, not one of the children.
INFO: Has your gf actually ever done anything wrong to make your sister and family dislike her, other than being very shy? Does your sister get to decide if other visitors are allowed in or not? As it stands, your sister and family sound like nasty bullies and you seem a bit of a coward for allowing it to happen.
You can’t be the asshole for how two other grown adults feel about each other.
…But your sister seems to have a weird amount of power here that I don’t recommend you defer to. If she has real authority to ban someone from your home, then stop having your girlfriend come there. If she doesn’t, then stop asking permission.
Why did your sister outright ban your gf from the house? Why does she have so much power over the majority of family members that actually get along with your girl?
Unless there are missing details, your sister is the AH and you seem to be allowing her to be an AH, which yes, makes you an AH too. Your girlfriend is being treated very badly. Why the hay are you asking permission for your girlfriend to enter rooms. Outrageous!
NTA. Is your sister 5? She needs to pull up her big girl pants and get along “for the good of the family”. What happens if you decide to marry your girlfriend? Will your sister demand that if she (the bride) attends then your sister won’t. In life we have to get along with others unless there are.other circumstances. Did your girlfriend bully her? Steal an old boyfriend? Break in her house and rob her? This is not healthy behavior.
So your sister doesn’t like your girlfriend because she was quiet? What else happened?
INFO: How did your sister have your girlfriend banned from the house? What house? Who lives there? Why was the GF banned?
It feels like we’re missing a lot of the story here.
INFO: I am very confused, you have a whole child and yet your sister seems to be in charge of you and what you can and cannot do?
I already read that apparently your GF has done nothing of substance (I assume you told your sister GF is shy and she insists GF is rude), but can you please elaborate a bit more as to why you have to ask your sister for permission for your girlfriend to enter the house? Whose house is it? Why have you so far supported your sister and her behavior?
YTA for letting your sister have so much control over your life. You’re an adult with a child and you let your sister, who you say doesn’t even live with you, dictate whether or not your girlfriend can come to your house.
Your GF needs to move on and find someone not so unhealthily enmeshed with their family.