I have decent in laws however they lack boundaries and consideration. They impose themselves a lot in our lives. But I just let it go for the sake of not arguing. Me and my hubby have been together for a while since we were 16 we now 32. We finally had our 1st child a boy and we are so happy. Unfortunately they have gotten worse. For thanksgiving all 3 of us were sick and they were kind enough to bring some thanksgiving dinner we had a nice time. My FIL made a comment about our TV and I said no I don’t really like the tv to much that’s why I don’t have the baby watch tv either he’s so small (6 months) we don’t have a Tv in the room for that reason. End of discussion cause I went to eat. THE VERY next day he calls my husband that he bought him a new tv! I thought maybe to replace the living room one I was alil upset but was about to say that’s nice then he said so you can have one in the bedroom son! Now you have 2 TVs. It’s a huge tv so you better move things around to make space! I lost my shit! I told my husband ABSOLUTELY NO. He can have one tv and one tv alone! My husband said he agreed. He called hes parents and said thank you but we will be only keeping one tv. The dad said oh what that’s the reason I bought YOU one. Any ways it’s huge! 65 inch tv verse our 55 tv at most it’s probably smaller then that. It had a specific spot and we must move furniture around or get rid of our tv stand to make it work. As grateful as I am cause it’s a nice TV it’s so inconsiderate of them to buy one that 1. Doesn’t fit (which they knew it wouldn’t ) 2. Expect us to move our furniture in our home to make it work when we didn’t ask for this 3. We ignore my wishes cause all that matters is what they want. If they called and we talked about it maybe things would be different but no they feel like they run our home!
Anyways, my hubby told them how upsetting this was for not only me but for him as well. And tegy have did the victim Olympics it somehow my fault!!! That I’m ungrateful and how I’m just bitter cause my family couldn’t afford to give us a gift like this. It’s a gift for the BOTH OF US (it’s really not tegy know this) How what’s the big deal about having two TVs and that they arnt imposing at all. That I’m just sensitive and wanting to start problems! Any ways, they don’t see anything wrong with it and I’m the problem so they won’t apologize and I should. And I won’t I feel like this was my last straw. I need to be considered and respected. Now Am I The Asshole in this situation?
> Now Am I The Asshole in this situation?
It’s hard to say – what have you actually done about it? Have you turned it down or have you accepted it and just grumbled about it a bit?
NTA just sell the new tv that doesn’t fit in your house anyway and buy something else that you actually need and want, or pay off a bill.
Once a gift is given it’s yours to do what you want with it. It’ll upset them but you need to stop caring about that. They clearly don’t care about what you want, why should you care what they want? Sounds like they are determined to be upset anyway and maybe they’ll learn not to foist things on you that you don’t want.
I second this response. If you continue to sell their “gifts” then maybe they’ll stop giving gifts you don’t want.
You’d be the asshole in my house, but… your home, your rules.
Not the asshole for owning your domain even though the way its written makes it sound like you made your husband agree with you.
NTA I would tell him to return the TV, or you will be donating it or selling it. You don’t want a second TV, it’s too big for the space you have in the living room, and you and your husband were both clear you didn’t want it. I’d even tell them “If you want to make me the bad guy in this, for simply wanting what I want in my own home, and you want to blame for all of it, fine – I don’t care, just get this new tv out of here.”
NTA.
A gift is not a gift if it’s something you don’t want.
Your in laws need to check themselves.
They can come get their ginormous tv and find a place in their home for it. NTA
“I have decent in laws however they lack boundaries and consideration”: I fail to see how this makes them decent in-laws. “I just let it go for the sake of not arguing”: as you sow, so shall ye reap. You’ve taught them to expect compliance. “I’m the problem so they won’t apologize and I should”: classic. No point asking for an apology; they’ll just hold that against you. It’s nice that your husband didn’t completely throw you under the bus, but too bad he has let them make this about you, not him.
NAH It sounds like your FIL simply meant it as a gift, albeit in an overbearing way. Keep in mind, most people don’t think twice about a TV being big. Perhaps just exchange it for a smaller one that fits in the space you have.
I agree with colo-rectal-sell, giveaway or donate your old TV and accept the gift of a nice new one while keeping your family dynamic intact with the one TV rule. I would even go so far as to write a sweet thank you note. TV/Internet/video games are death to family life anyway. I applaud you for sticking to your guns.
I was going to say n-t-a (started with that), but I think I’m going with ESH – to varying degrees.
You thinking you can TELL your husband he is allowed ‘one tv and one tv alone’ is definitely putting you in AH territory. If that is how you talk, then it’s no wonder that your ILs think you are the decision-maker. YOU seem to think that you are the decision-maker for your husband. He is a grown adult. Now, you and he may be content with you two come to decisions, but your wording in the post is telegraphing the reason that his parents may feel like he doesn’t have a voice in your home.
Your in-laws are not that decent. Even if they think you tell your husband what the decision he will agree to is; they are only adding to any dysfunction with their stunt. No matter what, their actions are disrespectful to both you and your husband.
Your husband fully agrees with you (at least when he’s talking to you). But I have a few questions…
1. If husband is the one talking with them and telling them that HE doesn’t want a second tv, then why are they still blaming you. (Either they ignore what he says and blame you regardless of what he says… OR he’s telling them that he agrees with you – as in you are the decider and he is just your yes-man.)
2. How is whatever the ILs are saying getting back to you? Your husband does not have give you a blow by blow. He should instead spend more time making clear to them that he lives with his choices; he doesn’t need them second-guessing what he really wants or needs.
It’s clear your husband is being your partner; he may just not be doing quite as much as he needs to. That is something that you and he can calmly and collaboratively discuss in a quiet moment.
It sounds like the ILs still have the tv. If so, then it never has to enter your home.
If the tv is already in your home, then you and your husband may choose to
A. Give his parents one day to come pick up the tv and return it or…
B. The two of you sell it for whatever you can get and use that money for something you two would like for yourselves.
Your husband needs to make his parents get one fact: HUSBAND will not allow his parents to override anything that you and husband have agreed upon.
Tell them you don’t want the tv and to return it. Dont let them think they can divide you or overrule what you want in your home.
Put it in the garage. You still have 2 tvs- right?
NTA
Furniture / large appliances shouldn’t be given as gifts unless it’s discussed first.
You made it clear you didn’t want a second tv, didn’t want a tv for the bedroom. They ignored that, so that’s on them.
Get rid of your old tv and upgrade to the new one, or give the tv back and let them figure out what to do with it. Whatever you do, it shouldn’t become a problem that *you* have to figure out, and you shouldn’t have to rearrange your home to spare their feelings after they disregarded yours.