my friend & i bought ariana grande tickets at presale to boston (we live in TX). i told my friend in january i would not be able to go (7 months in advance) and she found someone the next day to go with. it’s been a month since this friend said she’d pay the $500ish and i haven’t seen a dime of it. i have my own wedding stuff as well as 2 other weddings this year. i feel bad for bailing but i tried to see if things could work out before i let her know, it’s too much for me this year and this concert in not a priority of mine. she’s been avoiding me after asking that her and her friend pay me upfront since this friend is already being flaky & i don’t feel comfortable with payment plans at this point in case she backs out last minute. i also don’t have the ticket in my possession so it’s been a real struggle. however, i did use my points for her and my flight to our friends bachelorette next month that she has already paid for, as well as money she has sent me for my own bachelorette. i already told her her friend needed to pay in full, or she can send me the ticket to sell. AITA if i give her the ultimatum of returning her flight for my points back so she would have to buy her own flight and saying she would need to repay the money for my bachelorette if she wants to go vs paying me in full for the ticket vs sending the ticket to me to sell? the price of the flight and my bach stuff equals the price of the ticket. that way the ticket is paid for and her friend can start paying her for the ticket (if she doesn’t bail). i understand the strain it could put on the friendship, but i feel like my boundaries are being taken advantage of. i just don’t want to risk my money going in the trash if plans fall through last minute.
also adding: i have been adamant about being paid in full for the last week & this friend and my friend went to a dinner on friday to settle a plan, where supposedly $200 was sent to show the friend is serious about going but i have yet to see that either. my friend earlier in the week said she would pay me in pieces for the ticket and also have her friend pay her in pieces (?????). i am not on board with a billion payment plans as i have fronted my bach airbnb and activities to all my bridesmaids, which im happy to do but its all too much at this point
YWBTA to bring the flights into if, unless you give her a very clear ultimatum about getting that money.
Personally I completely agree with your stance on this. If the friend doesn’t have the money upfront to pay for the ticket it’s getting sold to someone else. I know you feel bad about not going but it’s not the end of the world, people have to cancel plans sometimes. If your friend drags this out for months and still can’t get the money out of the other friend, it’s just going to get worse.
They are never going to pay you. Tell her you changed your mind, you are going to the concert and demand the ticket. Then sell it.
ESH
You don’t seem very considerate of the position you left your friend in when you backed out. Its not super fun for some people to travel across country and go to a concert alone. You decided to flake out of the trip which means either she has to also not go or she has to fill your shoes.
You should be having some grace for her doing that and accept that your demands for all the money upfront instead of payments may not be responsible and are a consequence of YOUR choices. Talk to the person buying your ticket, set up an actual payment agreement.
I agree.
when you agree to attend an incredibly expensive concert ($500!) – then immediately back out and create a financial crisis, then you need to own your own contributions to the financial chaos here.
If you say you can attend a concert and people spend money based upon your word – then you need to go or have a good reason for cancelling – such as an unforeseeable change in events. Not a wedding you knew was coming the entire time.
Yes, this is a mess, but OP definitely is a major part of why the mess exists and she seems to have zero accountability or empathy for the bad position her flip-flopping has created.
she was buying the tickets regardless of if it was me or someone else going with her. if she has someone willing to go then they need to pay for it. that’s how life works. obviously i had my wedding in mind when i agreed but we last minute are going to my fiances close friends week long cruise-wedding that i am not going to make him miss for a concert. plus i quite literally do not have the time to take off from work for all of that, not to mention the honeymoon we plan to take which is more important to me. i didn’t bail on her last minute either and paid my dues up front when she bought the ticket initially. if you want to buy something, you should have the money for it
Have you been super clear that you’re not comfortable with a payment plan and need the money by X date? If not, YWBTA.
If you have done all that and this friend is still blatantly ignoring dates and clear boundaries then NTA and you gotta do what you gotta do 🤷🏼♀️
yes i told her multiple times that i’m not comfortable with it
….and that you need the money by X date, or else (what happens?)
i said money by sunday (today) or transfer the ticket to me and i can sell it. no response from that point on. my only other leverage is the flight which i really don’t want to do, but it’s a last resort
Honestly, girl, you’ve already been more than generous, so if she can’t cough up the cash upfront, I say go for that ultimatum your boundaries matter way more than a concert!
ESH but slightly more you.
You started this whole thing, the mess was your fault (I get it, things happen) BUT… this isn’t just an expensive concert, it’s an expensive concert requiring travel. You have saddled your friend with the resale of YOUR ticket…she can’t just sell toanyone…I would imagine few people would fit the bill to travel, stay and pay for this concert with her.
The rest of the flights etc is super messy so don’t go there, that’s what you do with a stranger not a friend.
You should actually be willing to let the ticket go for a lesser price given all this work you’ve now saddled your friend with.
YTA for agreeing to go with someone to an expensive concert, allowing them to buy tickets to accompany you – then backing out due to events that should have been foreseeable on your part.
This entire mess, your $500 that is hanging in the balance – is due to YOU being flakey, wishy washy, falling back on your word. It’s your fault.
Now your friend has two problems. Your friend is saddled with a $500 ticket to a concert with no one to accompany her. She can invite someone else, but they have to buy an incredibly expensive ticket or else your friend has to let you sell the ticket and now go alone/with strangers – or else try to sell her ticket and take a potential loss.
You’ve put your friend in a really bad position and you really only care about getting your money back, but you’re not comprehending how you’re destroying this concert for her and creating a ton of drama – when you really should have been able to foresee that you couldn’t attend the concert this year anyways! You should have a little bit of mercy here and understanding as to what your wishy-washy behavior has done to the outing your friend has planned.