My niece (19f) recently moved out of her parent’s house into a studio apartment to start an aviation electronics program at our local community college in March. She’s been working ft as a receptionist at a spa for the last year and half to save money for school and housing. She’ll keep working ft while going to school ft. Her parents were upset about her moving out to say the least and cut her off of everything – took her off their phone plan and health insurance, stopped paying for her bus pass, refused to provide documentation for school scholarships, and more. They also refuse to talk with her and have tried to force other family members to do the same.
My niece and I have always had a good relationship and I wanted to be there to help her and be someone she knew she could rely on and not judge her. I’ve been helping her navigate getting government health insurance, finding the subsidized housing she now lives in, applying for scholarships, how to budget her money since her parents never taught her, helping her learn to meal prep, and stuff like that. My husband and I also agreed to add her to our phone plan, Spotify, Netflix, and Hulu accounts so she wouldn’t have to worry about her phone and could have some entertainment without paying out the ass for them. We also bought her a public transit card that is connected to our account so it auto-reloads as needed so she can use the public busses and trains to get where she needs to go.
When her parents found out about the help we’ve been giving her they hit the roof and said we’re enabling her poor choices and making her entitled. I disagreed but chose not to engage because they love creating drama and that’s just not worth my family’s time or energy.
However, they now have most of my mom’s side of the family coming at me parroting her bullshit and while most of it’s just annoying… She got my grandmother involved and she’s the only person who still had some sense in my family. Her health is going downhill and while she disagrees with my aunt/her daughter, she asked that I do what I can to end the drama so she can exist in peace and not deal with her kids, their spouses, and adult grandkids spamming her with messages and calls every day to convince me to cut my niece off. She agrees with me supporting my niece but wants me to find a way to end this so she’s not caught in the middle.
I’m going to keep supporting my niece but I feel like a dick that my choices have led to my grandma being put in such a stressful position. Is it my fault that this situation has occurred? Am I the asshole for continuing to support my niece by providing her streaming services, life skills, and resources to help her improve her future? I feel guilty but resolved to help.
NTA obviously but i have to ask
why on earth is a 19 yo moving out on her own and having a job and going to college considered so horrible by her family? Are they super religious control freaks?
I mean, look at the reaction here. It didn’t start here….
Not religious just lazy and losing their unpaid childcare for their younger kids who they’ve essentially had my niece raise
It is deeply ironic that your family is calling the 19yr old girl, who is working full-time, living in subsidized housing, and enrolling in an aviation electronics program”entitled”.
Sorry to say this about your relatives, but your niece’s parents sound like terrible people, with a chorus of A’s supporting their terrible, manipulative, unkind, and inappropriate treatment of their daughter.
Your niece is making good choices. She’s pursuing a degree in a marketable field. She’s working PT. She taking your advice and learning skills required for independent life — skills her truly terrible parents failed to teach her, presumably to keep her under their thumb.
Please, for the love of God, don’t even think about cutting off your niece in any way. The people you should be cutting off are her parents. Your grandma isn’t going downhill because she has a backbone and is standing up to her awful daughter. She’d no doubt do this no matter what position you took. She’s an elderly woman and I’m pretty sure that watching her daughter behave so very badly toward her granddaughter is hard on her — you, OTOH, are undoubtedly someone she’s very, very proud of.
My last words to your niece’s parents would be that if they don’t stop harassing grandma, you’ll be making an elderly abuse report.
Keep helping your niece. You know it’s the right thing to do. I know it’s the right thing to do. A cast of a thousand total strangers on the internet know it’s the right thing to do. You sound like a wonderful human being with a s\*it family. Keep up the good work.
NTA
Nta – the parents are abusive. You should continue to support your niece any way you see fit.
NTA, it sounds like your niece’s family is upset with her existing at all and that is frankly a them problem. Consider taking an afternoon to visit grandma and help her set up her phone to screen calls and silence message notifications as needed.
Is YTH still a thing on here? If so, YTH for stepping up and not giving in to your sister’s narcissistic BS.
Your niece will remember this.
As for the rest of your Sister’s side of the family, they’ll get bored soon enough. Just keep being you.
NTA.
Teach your grandmother how to put her phone on silent. And that it’s ok but to reply to every text.
Other than that, she’s old enough to tell the family not to talk to her about it.
Your niece is your aunt’s daughter? Doesn’t that make her your cousin?
Wait… niece is working, going to school, basically just living her life and doing pretty well at it…and her parents have a problem with what exactly? Her being successful? Or that she is out from their control??
NTA and please dont stop supporting your niece from those loonytunes.
NTA
Similar situation with my wife’s cousin. She went no-contact with her family, for what we considered to be very good reasons; my wife also is no-contact with them.
We supported her through university, post-graduation, finding their own place (with her boyfriend), all sorts of things. We’re surrogate parents, essentially.
Being someone’s support when they’ve been shit on by life is never the wrong thing to do. Forget everyone else and continue to be stand-up people for your niece. She’ll never forget it.
NTA
Please support your niece in the future too.
About your grandma, start guilt-tripping your other relatives who can’t leave her alone. Peaceful coexisting exist, even if you have different opinions, everyone can leave it at the door for her sake.
Why does anyone need to know what help you’re offering?
Ask niece to keep it on the down low, and just keep offering the support where you can. Tell the family to piss off and mind their own business.