Hi everyone. Yesterday, my grandpa collapsed in our home in front of my dad and his wife. My dad asked him what was wrong and my grandpa simply replied that he was trying to stand up. Since his response was brief, my dad wasn’t too concerned and continued packing for him and his wife’s weekend trip to Disneyland. I live with them so when I heard what happened, I was shocked that they weren’t taking this seriously. We argued for a while if I should call out of work or if they should go on the trip. I ultimately decided to call out of work to take care of him and they hit the road to Disneyland about 30 minutes to an hour after my grandpa collapsed.
About an hour later, I check on my grandpa to see that he was in terrible shape and had thrown up blood. After calling another family member we agreed that we needed to call 911. He was taken to the hospital and we learned that he has sepsis along with a stomach bleed. My family member called my dad in disbelief that he had left me alone to take care of my grandpa in that dire of a condition, with my dad claiming he didn’t think anything that serious would’ve happened and laughed at other concerns brought up by my family member. I find it unbelievable he didn’t know anything serious was happening when my grandpa was showing very serious and obvious symptoms that something was wrong. I told him how disappointed I was in his choice to go on the trip and post about it online like nothing serious was going on at home. He told me that I should be responsible and step-up more when it comes to the care of my grandparents with him using the phrase "tag you’re it", implying that it’s my sole responsibility now. I already live with both of them and do anything they’ll ask of me so I found this comment baffling. My grandparents also live pretty independently with no major health issues for either of them so I see this as another reason this situation should’ve been taken seriously by my dad. He also told me that I need to understand that the trip was already paid for so there was nothing he could do but go. We went back and forth arguing for a bit until he changed the subject and I gave up trying to convince him to see where I felt like he went wrong.
I do feel bad for yelling and arguing with him about this as well as taking a few personal jabs at him but I just couldn’t believe he made that choice along with stress of the moment making me say things I normally wouldn’t have.
To clarify, I am upset with my dad’s wife as well, but we have our own seperate issues and I was not shocked that she made that choice so I kept the focus of this post on my dad.
AITA for being upset with him for going on this trip and seemingly showing no regrets?
NTA by a long shot but wow your dad is a piece of work. Just couldn’t say no to a churro when his father collapsed? Is he always so careless?
You didn’t mention your age, so any advice I’d give about elder family care and planning (sobering I’ve been thick in for years), really depends on that.
You handled it really well, and from your father’s attitude and responses, it’s clear he isn’t going to step up for his parents. Time to reach out to other family members and come up with plans without him.
oh my. that is quite the negligence. NTA, Id say, its a bit wild to me to imagine someone not being concerned over a family member. especially a parent!
edited for spelling
NTA.
You reacted very well and helped your grandfather. Your father behaved like an A and probably knows it. You have every right to be angry about his behavior and to let your father know it. You did everything right. There’s no need to feel guilty about your part in this story regarding your dealings with your father.
NTA
That man you call Dad is neither a father or a son. What a selfish piece of work.
Your father is a turd and you have every right to be upset with both your parents
Welp. help them, and remind dad what he teaches you is what awaits him and to better have somebody to tag since its clear, its not the child that need to take care of his parantes
NTA. My father showed more concern for me when I had gout than your father did during your grandfather’s medical emergency. This line
>tag you’re it
shows it wasn’t a brain fart either. He was intentionally ignoring your grandpa. There’s a special place in hell for people like that.
Hope your grandpa redoes his Will and takes your dad out of it and makes sure you are in. Hate to say this but your dad is an AH. I can’t even imagine leaving my parent behind after them collapsing right before my eyes.
NTA. It’s time for grandpa to change the will if he hasn’t already.
Your grown up ass dad couldn’t give up on a Disneyland trip??? Is he pissed at your grandpa for not giving him a childhood her felt he deserved??? You are NTA. Who cares if the trip was paid… that is just pure selfish behavior.
NTA obviously. I’m curious what the relationship is between your father and grandparents as it may be very different from yours. It’s common for people to be less than good parents but surprisingly turn around to be wonderful grandparents. You seemingly are already an unofficial caretaker for your grandparents, and your father wants very little if anything to do with their care (which he has successfully pawned off on you). I’m not saying there isn’t love there, but your relationship to your grandparents reflects a deeper love and care for them than your father’s behavior implies (hence why he was unphased and comes off has highly negligent). If I’m being generous and perhaps reaching, your father may be in denial of the decline in your grandfather’s health due to fear of losing them and anxieties over his own aging/mortality. Some people cope by being overprotective and hyper-involved in monitoring their parents lives’, but maybe others are shockingly nonchalant. We feel like our parents will always be there and then they just aren’t because that’s life. I don’t think arguing with him will necessarily change his mindset, but you are completely valid to feel upset and disappointed.
NTA. Your father’s behavior is hideous. Tell your father he’s doing an excellent job teaching you how to treat him when he becomes old and sick. Tell him to start saving for 24/7 nursing care.
NTA
As soon as your dad knew about your Grandad’s Sepsis he should have come home. It sounds to me like your Dad puts Mickey Mouse over his own family.
I know this will get downvoted but your dad left your grandfather with a responsible adult. You leave out how old you are but you don’t sound like a minor. We don’t know what the relationship is like between your Dad and your FIL. Does your grandfather neglect his health and expect everyone to drop everything when he ends up in crisis? You sound salty that you had to spend your time taking care of Grandpa and that is what you are really upset about. I think your age matters a lot here.