I just got cheated on and am really in the dumps and thought going skating would be a great way to help take my mind off things, I asked if any one wanted to in a skating group chat and even directly texted my close friend asking if any one would be interested and saying i would be going and if any one wanted to car pool.
No one replied all day and at like 5pm I took a nap and figured if I wake up on time for the skate session I’d just go alone.
My friend ignored my text directly asking him if he wanted to go and replied to the skate group chat on snap chat. I was asleep and missed the group chat.
Without me confirming with him etc he ended up going skating and is now mad at me for disrespecting him saying I was inconsiderate of his time.
I obviously have apologized but I’m curious what you guys think as if it was me I would have had the other person confirm or ensure they saw my message and still planned to go. Or would have replied to the direct text or called etc.
Am I the asshole?
INFO: what time was the skating meant to be at, and when did he respond in the group chat?
If he responded within like 2 hours of the scheduled time, then def NTA.
I think he probably should have made sure you responded before assuming you would be going (unless you phrased it along the lines of: I will be there, people should come if they are free). That being said, I do understand why he’s upset, but I don’t think you’re the asshole.
(edit, grammar)
I said “Yooooo I’m hitting westy tn if any one wants to car pool” westy is name of skate place and he replied 4 hours before the event, but once again in the group chat and not to my direct text to him
NTA
The behavior is sketchy as why did he reply to the group chat but didn’t confirm with you? Idk maybe that friend group is not in your best interest. You need a real friend.
Yea he is also saying some shit let me just quote it
“Appreciate the apology. I replied on Snapchat and you stated you would be there. As a friend I’ve just seen a correlation between you entertaining toxic relationships and then it trickling out to affecting your friends. I think it’s important to speak on
It’s happened w a few relationships and I’m not dogging on you. You can live your life and do what you want, but when it starts to affect me it becomes a problem and not the type of friendship I want to give face to.”
( I have never done this before and I think he just means I give more attention to my relationship and or retract from being social when I am dealing with heart break, as I’ve literally no idea what he’s actually talking about)
“I’m being hyper vigilant of the energy I allow into my life and I want friendships that benefit me in the same breathe I benefit them.
Love you but you know imma keep it a buck”
Like I get this is a boundary but also it was a single one time mistake and he’s knows I’m going through it.
Should I just block and move tf on? Like I get if this was repeated behavior but like
Did you ask them to clarify what they meant? Like give examples of how your relationships in the past have affected them ?
He has gotten into fights with other friends and when other people ask him for examples he can’t produce them because he justifies these “past things” baised on feelings instead of tangible things.
He also said he doesn’t want to go back and forth on this and doesn’t want to be friends. So I blocked him.
I see. It seems like he may be internalising a lot. Then he doesn’t know how to express his feelings, so he suppresses them, slowly building resentment, till one day he explodes and expresses all his feelings at once, which is not healthy, obviously.
Either that or he has some repressed/ unresolved gay feelings or some sort potentially.
ESH Most apps or atleast snapchat(AFAIK, haven’t used it in a while) let’s you know if people have seen your message so that means your friend just went on a whim after agreeing without double checking.
At the same you said your text mentioned you would be going in a definite way, friends or not, so they may have thought you’d be there regardless.
Unwise to nap beforehand and unwise of the friend to not double check(odd they didn’t directly reply/took so long to as well).
And now he’s making me out to be a horrible person. I ended up blocking him. He was diagnosed narcissistic personality and tbh he has pride issues.
Like he’s won’t accept any fault in this, or see it as a simple mistake and misunderstanding he wants to believe I deliberately disrespected him and that’s chill.
This is t the first time he has had some wild ass blow up and everyone else sees these issues in him. And it al stems from his narcissistic tendencies.
And like I have acknowledged my part and said sorry explained I didn’t intend it.
But like also why not reply to my text and also when you get there and don’t see me why not call? That probably would have woken me up. And point blank why not confirm with me.
But he has said he doesn’t want to be my friend so I’m going to call it good there.
NTA – making plans day of, it happens.
So he is unjustly ending the friendship because of this? Like he’s freaking out on me saying I disrespect him and all this shit. It’s like dude it was a miscommunication that has happened one fucking time.
I would have replied directly to the friend. However, if you checked both direct messages and the group message before you went to sleep there’s not a lot you could do.
Right and he’s acting like is as his message and intentionally disregarded him and ignored him and didn’t come. Like no one fucking replied before I went to nap