I (18F) and my mum (50F) got into an argument recently over my birthday, my birthday is next week and I’m turning 19 so not a mile stone birthday, but I asked my mum for money to go towards finally getting a PC, I’ve been trying to save for one but I don’t have a job currently because the job market where I live is terrible at the moment and have just been making money off of art commissions as I’m an artist.
I’ve been asking for just money and nothing else because I wanted to make it as easy as possible for my mum and grandparents on what to get me, just money, nothing else, but they said they "forgot" even though I’ve been telling them about this since the middle of 2025, I asked my mum to tell my grandparents to just return the presents they got me (same with her) so that I can just have the money since they still have a week, my mum got mad and called me selfish for not wanting the presents they got me, its not that I’m being ungrateful it’s just I feel like my wants were completely pushed aside.
I made this as easy as possible for them because in the past my mum and grandparents have always gotten me things that I don’t like or struggle to come up with gift ideas for me even though I tell them to just ask me, but they don’t want to because they want it to "be a surprised" even though they don’t know what to get me because they never take any time to learn about my interests.
I don’t know if I was being rude for asking them to return the gifts they got me, we aren’t super well off especially because recently our dog got sick and we had to take out loans to cover the vet bills, I just wanted money and that’s it, not even a cake or anything because I’ve been wanting a PC for years, I was planning on getting one off Facebook market place as a starter PC, just something better than my shitty 4 year old school laptop that I’ve been using.
I’m sorry, but yeah, YTA.
When someone gives you a gift, you thank them. They have gone to the effort of thinking about something for you, then going out and spending their money on you.
I know you wanted money, but some people think that’s cold and unfeeling. They don’t like giving money.
This is the point, the mum actively ignored what she was asking for. It’s about the mum not wasting her money on a token “thought”; the mum could have spent the same money on something OP would have liked had only she listened.
YTA. These are gifts, not payment for services. While of course people should be trying to consider what you want when they get you gifts, demanding money is extremely gauche. Really demanding any specific thing and telling everyone to return anything else they bought is gauche and entitled. That’s not how giving gifts works.
I’d NTA because you did repeatedly tell them what you wanted.
Money that’s going towards something you will actually love and appreciate is better than money spent on random gifts you didn’t ask for or want.
I get people say you should appreciate whatever you get but they asked you what you wanted multiple times and still didn’t go through with it and instead did what they wanted.
They shouldn’t ask what you want if they are going to do their own thing anyway.
Agree. Either they don’t really listen to you when you speak, or they blatantly ignored your wishes. NTA. This is supposed to be about what you want (they asked you) not what makes them happy.
YTA It doesn’t matter that they forgot, asking them to return presents is *extremely* rude and classless. You accept them politely and keep saving on your own.
Building a PC is expensive, so I get why you asked for money. *Demanding* only money however tips over the line into rude territory however.
What i usually do in instances like this is send my mother the link to Amazon or Newegg or another reputable site that has the part I need. If you’re building a PC from scratch, you could have asked for some components: cooling fan, SSDs, motherboard, case… Etc. Those components aren’t nearly as expensive as the RAM/GPU/CPU.
NAH. You would be an A++H+++ if you continue to insist on receiving money. Remember, you’re not entitled to any gifts. They are freely given tokens of affection. However, you have many reasons for not wanting these particular gifts, including that your parents seem to have run into some major expenses. So, return the gifts on your own and be done with it.
NTA They just have not been listening, I can understand why you’re frustrated.
No idea why people in this thread are calling you TA for being ungrateful when you’re really trying to stop people wasting money on gifts you don’t want. They don’t need to come up with ideas if a card with $10 inside is good enough.
A gift card from the place you’ll buy from is a good suggestion if they don’t want to give cash.
It’s nice when we get what we ask for but ultimately a person gives what they give and that’s their choice. Yta
(Can’t help but wonder if their gifts were bought using credit because they didn’t have the cash available….)
NTA. these comments seem like the “i worked and saved up to buy x at x so you should too” crowd. Not a real picture of life.
Its okay to be disappointed. Your other comments about them favoring your siblings points to an underlying issue here, so im sure all of this is heightened by the fact that you already feel they dont consider you in many ways. Even so, many people would feel sad that others give them things that they clearly have no interest in.
I will also say, that an important lesson in life is that you cannot control other people. You’ve expressed multiple times that you want something, and they declined. That hurts, but you can take this as an opportunity to remove the expectation from them and work for it yourself. it sucks, and its not ideal, but honestly there is no other choice. Complaining to them wont fix it.
I do think it also sucks if you dont even get gift receipts. Most people dont tell the person they dont like it directly but they just return it later (assuming that person wont find out). There is a difference between someone trying to know what you like and buying vs just getting anything bc they have to without really thinking of you.
A few comments from people calling them “entitled”.
So yall are saying they shouldn’t expect a gift at all (which they clearly didnt)…
But we should expect them to keep a gift they didn’t ask for, which by definition of an item you keep but never use, would just create clutter?
Reddit, yall confuse yourselves sometimes.
Imagine I ask what you want for your birthday and you say “a ps5” and I come back with “ok so I got you $500 worth of paperclips”. You’re telling me you’re gonna appreciate that and not feel like I didn’t listen to you at all?
NTA and I don’t get why people are missing so much of this and being so rude to you. You didn’t expect anything, you said if they were going to get you anything you’d prefer the cash so you could put it towards something. I do think it’s possible that they used credit and that’s the issue with not being able to give you cash, but if that’s the case they just shouldn’t get you anything since you said you’d prefer that to things you will not use or like.