For context I’m 18 years old and I’m in my second semester of college. I still live with my parents and they still financially support me as I am too busy with school to pick up that many shifts from my job. With me being busy with school, I don’t get to spend that much time with my parents, and when I finally have time for my parents they end up being busy. During college, I’ve made a couple new close friends. Last night, I had class till 7 and the bus was not going to come for me anymore (I usually buss home), so I decided I was going to sleepover at my close friends house (which I’ve done multiple times before). I texted my mom saying that I was going to sleepover at my close friend’s house since the bus was not coming for me. At school me and my close friends got picked up by our other friends and we went to Walmart and then spontaneously went to an arcade. It was all super fun and I had a lot of fun. My mom started texting me asking where I was, she has my location so she knew where I was she just wanted me to say it. Me and my close friend got dropped off at 9:50 and we started to settle down and get ready for bed. I was given dinner, I got to brush my teeth and wash my face and I got a pair of comfy pjs. In the morning I took a shower and had some mango juice since I wasn’t that hungry for breakfast. All this to say I was well taken care of and accommodated for. When I got home today my mom and dad were mad at me. They said they didn’t get any sleep last night because I was not home, and that I should ask them for permission next time. I told them that I was taken care of and that I didn’t stay out late and that I should have a little bit more freedom to make my own decisions. They don’t seem to be getting it and it puts me in a really bad mood after having such a good night. It makes me wonder if they are going to continue to treat me like this even when I’m 19 or 20. So the question is, AITA for wanting a little bit more freedom from my parents because I’m 18 now and in college?
Have you considered turning off your location if you don’t want them babysitting you?
Wow that was one big chunk of text. NTA, you texted them what you were up to, they have your location, you were with friends and weren’t out drastically late. When I was 18 I was out til 3 or 4am so I don’t think you’re doing anything drastic.
When I was 15 I was well practiced at lying to my friends parents on the phone so they should be happy he’s sharing location and communicating tbh
There is either AI or some writing assignment done by a foreign exchange student!!! Nobody refers to every friend they have as “my close friend” and no 18 yr old college student is going out to Walmart and the arcade having “super fun” and topping it off with “comfy pj’s” and a “glass of mango juice”!! Who even keeps mango juice in their fridge??!!
In areas that are more rural this is a pretty normal college night. You get some frozen food and stuff at Walmart, you play some games, and mango juice is iconic?
NTA. you need to be honest with your parents and say that you’re 18 we want a little bit more freedom since you’re in college be honest with them
It’s certainly fine, to ask your parents. When I was 18, as long as I kept my mom informed of my whereabouts, it was ok.
As long as you keep them updated, (especially since they can track your location), this will build more trust. It may seem “over-kill” on the communication, but it will get easier and they will trust you more, in the long run.
I even told my mom beforehand when I was leaving for school that I might sleepover at my friends house and she was ok with it at the time :/
NTA — I say this as the parent of a college senior. I know people like your parents, and while they love you, they’re not doing you any favors by trying to control your life the way they are. Parents should bring up their kids to have good judgement and then trust that they raised you to make good decisions.
A couple of other points:
– Remove permission for them to be able to track you. You may still live with them but you deserve your independence.
– The reality is that you could have stayed with your friends and not have gone to the arcade – and you could have gotten drugs, got drunk, etc
– My suggestion is to have a meaningful discussion with your parents and try to come to an understanding. I’m guessing that you are their oldest or only child. All of this is new to them and they probably read about lots of horror stories. Reassure them that they raised you well and that you are asking them to trust you to do the right thing.
Both of my kids lived at school during college. We trusted them and they never gave us a reason not to. I also told them, beginning in high school, that if they were ever in trouble that they could call me for help and that I would be there for them.
Good luck.
I’m acc the youngest and I have an older brother who is 21. I barely go to parties and I don’t do drugs. I’m not allowed to make mistakes and I’m realizing now that I’m in college that I had a really sheltered childhood.
NTA. If they choose to stay up that’s their own choice. I would point out that if you weren’t living at home or were going to school outside the state these wouldn’t be reasonable expectations. It can take some time for parents to adjust but it’s normal and appropriate for you to do this at your age
NTA. Tho it also isn’t wrong to just send them a text/call. Ofc they worry, you’re their kid. But maybe it’s time to sit them down and be honest, my mom is like this too and I’m already in my 20s LOL you can surely set some boundaries tho, to develop your own independence.
I am a parent to an 18 year old. This is my take. I don’t need them to ask permission. I ask that they inform me of where they are going. And I ask that they tell me when they “land somewhere”. I told the they are an adult, but since I do worry and I take a sleep aid I feel better knowing when they are not out in a road. This is so I can safely know they most likely won’t need me for things like car trouble or the like.
I do have their location but I don’t use it to keep tabs on them and really never have. It is more knowing how close they are to being home than anything else.
But this is just me and I believe in open communication and mutual respect. It’s worked out for us so far.
I think you are NTA. But you should also talk to them. Calmly. Nothing gets a parents to dig their heels in more than being confronted in a way that makes them defensive (like most people).
NTA
Paragraphs are good.