A friend (A) got engaged, and in February another friend (B) from our childhood friend group suggested a roadtrip in July to celebrate her. A third friend (C) and I weren’t sure because we’ve been having money issues. C recently bought a house and is fixing it; I don’t even have a job and recently rescued a sick kitten. They insisted we had time to gather the money, so we agreed.
Originally we would divide hotel and gas among the 4 of us, about $375 each plus personal expenses and activity tickets. Then they added the bride’s sister and cousin, so we had to change hotels and rent a van since we all have small cars. That raised the shared cost to $476 each. Two weeks ago they switched to another hotel for the same price that requires a 50% deposit now and the rest on arrival; it is 100% refundable up to 72 hours before arrival. The van was reserved but payment isn’t due until a week before the trip.
Two weeks ago I moved to my grandma’s house after she passed away to help my mom organize things and try to find a job, maybe donate plasma or sell baked goods. My mom and brother had been caring for her there, while I had been caring for my dad in my birth country where I can’t legally work.
Yesterday I found out my late grandpa had borrowed against their home equity, and now that my grandma passed away the house will likely be lost by May. Before knowing that I had asked my dad if he could help me move out later, but he said he couldn’t help financially right now and that I should stay here and save what I can. Now I’m trying to save for moving expenses and my kitten’s medical bills.
Up until two days ago I was still willing to try to make the trip work. But then B posted Instagram stories of A trying on wedding dresses. She invited several friends, except C and me. I might have ignored it, except we also weren’t invited to the engagement party and found out about the engagement through Instagram stories.
4 years ago another friend (D) got engaged, and A and B got upset because: we found out through Instagram, we weren’t bridesmaids, and weren’t included in events. They skipped the wedding and cut ties with D. Now A is doing the same thing.
Today they asked for the deposit. I said I couldn’t go due to everything going on. C can’t go either because she couldn’t get those days off work. They got angry and said we should have said it earlier.
I checked the reservation and it was clearly 100% refundable up to 72 hours before arrival. The van could also be canceled easily. We even offered to pay our part if it somehow couldn’t be refunded.
They said we should still pay because we had already committed regardless of our circumstances. The trip is still 4 months away. The hotel change would cost them $14.26 more each, but their shared expenses would actually be $63.5 less per person now that C and I aren’t going. We gave them $57 to cover the difference and left it at that.
AITA?
You’re not the AH.
I cannot fathom spending that much, granted you don’t say your age and I’m old, but I NEVER spent more than 100 on a wedding I wasn’t a part of. Also you gave solid notice and quite frankly, you are invited only to offset costs. I’d cut ties with these people and carry on with your own life. I’m so sorry for your loss and I hope things get better financially. A friend would never put you in financial stress for a party.
Weddings are getting out of control! And yeah, I’ve decided to cut them off, feels like our friendship was worth $57 haha
NTA I wouldn’t have given them any money at all. Doing that is like an admission that you’ve done something wrong in dropping out.
Did you mention to A about not being invited to the engagement party or involved in the wedding dress shopping etc?
Oh man can you get your $57 back? Ngl that’s a pretty bad friend right there… I mean if you weren’t invited to either party and didn’t even know about the engagement until you saw it online then that makes me think that you’re only invited to help split the cost and make her online pictures look better bc more people are there 😬 sorry she did that to you and you’re going through such a hard time. You should look into local universities that have veterinary programs, a lot of the time they have student run clinics that only serve people who live on campus or receive federal aid, such as low income people. You’ll likely qualify to receive very discounted veterinary services there. Also some shelters have clinics for local low income people that are somewhat cheaper than a regular vet.
NTA for pulling out but you are making some really bad decisions, like living in a country where you can’t work, adopting a pet, knowing it will need medical attention and also just food, and you should never have said you could go on the bachelorette trip when you know you have zero income and no hope of that changing.
Girl you need a plan, cos life is hard enough and you’re only making it harder
NTA, these people knew your circumstances.
NTA
This is a “friendship” you need to step away from. I couldn’t imagine a world where I would expect someone who is SELLING THEIR PLASMA to survive to come on such an unnecessary trip. It doesn’t sound like you are even considered a friend. Time to out yourself first, focus on getting a job and somewhere stable to live. DO NOT PAY for anything related to this trip. And for the love of all that is good remember that your no is valid and you don’t have to bend to the will of others, that when plans change beyond your means you can withdraw your participation and that you and your mental health and wellbeing matter more than anyone else’s. And get better friends.
You’re not even invited to the other wedding events, who cares, back out. You don’t need to waste this type of money and wedding BS is too much of a burden to people who are broke. Send your well wishes and say you just don’t have the funds. It’s the truth.
AND YOU’RE GIVING THEM FOUR MONTHS NOTICE!!!
If you go on this trip or pay for it, YTAH.