I (17F) was planning to go to a concert this summer with a group of friends. Last summer, the same group went to a concert together and one friend, Ethan, was a bit disruptive. He was watching a football game before the concert started and yelled when his team scored a touchdown and people stared back at us. I understand why that annoyed people.
This year, my best friend Maya made a group chat without Ethan and said she could get presale tickets. The cap is 6 people. When the concert came up in conversation at school, Ethan overheard us and said he’d be down to go. I felt uncomfy because he clearly showed interest, but decisions were already made without him even being asked.
I suggested we invite him and let him decide whether he wanted to come. Maya and another friend Jake were very against this and said they didn’t want him to go because he "doesn’t even know the artist" and because of how we acted last time. They decided to invite someone else instead.
I was bothered because of how they handled it not that they didnt want him there. Ethan was never told, even though he heard us talking about it. I felt like excluding him behind his back was unkind, especially since he considered us good friends.
Because of that, I told Maya I was uncomfortable and chose to opt out of the concert myself so it wouldn’t be awkward. I didn’t try to change their plans, I just stepped back from the situation.
After that, Maya kept messaging me saying I was "punishing her" and being unfair. She brought up things I might’ve said after the last concert to justify excluding Ethan. I told her I respected her opinion but didn’t agree with how the situation was being handled and needed space.
She says she wants to "resolve" things but the convo keeps turning into her defending herself and saying that I’m not listening. I’ve stopped responding bc it’s stressing me out and Im rethinking how close I want to be with her. My other friends have agreed the situation was handled rudely and that she wont likely understand my perspective.
So, AITA for backing out of the concert and distancing myself because I didn’t agree with excluding a friend this way?
NTA. Well handled. You didn’t want to be part of this situation, so you stepped back, and more importantly you clearly explained your reasons without causing a scene.
Your friends are giving you grief, so, having explained yourself once, you have withdrawn from the discussion.
Not wanting to be associated with people whose actions you disagree with, calmly explaining why, and refusing to get involved in their drama and justification – well done. Keep doing that.
Edited typos
ESH
Ethan sucks for being disruptive and inviting himself, Maya sucks for deciding for you, but you suck for cutting off communication.
Wild take
It sounds like OP stepped back after Maya continuously texted her saying OPs stance was unfair, citing evidence of prior things said, etc.
in my opinion Mayas lashing out for indirectly getting called rude-OP doesn’t have to deal with that they’ve made their stance/ethics known through their actions.
Kudos to OP for your morals. You stood by what’s right and kind, and we need more people like you in this world.
I didn’t think Ethan was inviting himself, I think he assumed he would be invited because he was apart of the original group that went the previous year.
NTA. Kudos to you for being respectful of your friends Ethan’s feelings. Instead of excluding him she could have had a conversation with him to be a bit more mindful of not making a scene at the concert and even so, he was just excited and it was a momentary outburst of happiness. That one time should not be held against him, that’s just petty and unfair. Good job standing up for your friend and yourself. If she does it to him she could do it to you as well, so don’t feel guilty.
NTA for stepping back. If cheering for a football team BEFORE a concert starts is so egregious to this friend group that they exclude a person from future events, then I would not want to go with them either.
So his crime was being passionate about a sports game and “embarrassed ” the group. So now he is being excluded?
Seems pretty shallow of the group.
Be an adult and have a conversation with him about what is going on.
And as far as your so called friend…friends don’t try to manipulate friends.
NTA
Your friends were cutting someone out in a way you didn’t like, you excused yourself, now they are guilting you in an attempt to assuage their own shame
Stop talking to these so called friends, they just want to guilt and manipulate you further
Hopefully youre going to college or moving soon so you dont have to deal with these people anymore
NTA.
Being excluded sucks. ANYONE could have talked to Ethan and been like “hey they was a bit distracting, mind not doing that next time?” and issue would have been resolved.
Instead 5 people decided to exclude a perfectly good person together, which is mean. You didn’t want to take part in that, good for you!
Mayas lashing out because you essentially called her out (indirectly) for being rude. By standing by your morals you’ve highlighted her lack there of. That’s her problem not yours. You and Ethan should go to the concert together and have a great time!
Yeah, I did text Maya, “I think you should at least let him know of the situation” and she replied with “I’ve never brought it up to him at all or in front of him”, basically telling me that she wasn’t the one who told him about the concert so why should she tell him.
I asked Ethan if he wanted to go and he said he doesnt know since he doesn’t really listen to the artist, so now I feel absolutely dumb lol. I am going with another friend though!
NTAH
Being excluded sucks especially for something that small of a reason. Ethan was just excited about the game, nothing wrong with that. Good for you sticking up for your friend. Even if Ethan doesn’t like/know the artist , it’s still nice to be asked/invited. Maya sucks!
What’s left of my teenage brain is seeing that Maya is the leader and the others didn’t challenge her though they disagreed. But you did.
You’re completely in the right here, but maybe as you navigate this, consider that her perspective may include that you challenged her status in the group.
I was surprised that she even led this! She’s very insecure, always needs reassurance of what to do, how to do it, etc. The past month, I’ve had to tell her to stop being so clingy (I obviously said it nicer lol) and I guess this is her way of also showing me that she can be independent. The other people in the group didnt challenge her either cause they don’t care or they also think Ethan is very annoying