Throw away account lmao.
I (23f) just cannot wrap my head around the fact that my bf (22m) does not practice good personal hygiene. I have spent too much time with too many exes in the past who refused to take care of themselves. Anyways, I was talking him today and something came up about the fact he hadn’t brushed his teeth in two days. On top of that he also happens to have a horrid showering schedule as well.
For some context he has really bad diagnosed adhd, and is unmedicated (and is against it too). He struggles very much with task initiation and finding the motivation to do a lot of things. He tells me that sometimes he needs a little motivation and a little help to start these things and quite honestly it feels to me like i’m mothering him because everyday I have to mention "Go take a shower" or "go brush your teeth" and half the time he doesn’t even listen to me when I "remind" him.
I feel like i’m going crazy and now we are arguing about this. He’s saying i’m judging him based on his disability, having poor mental health and says "it’s not fair to just expect me to figure it out"
Soooo… AITA?
NTA, ADHD really do be like that but just tell him you won’t come around until he brushed is teeth and takes a shower. He’s free to be filthy, but that doesn’t mean you have to endure it too.
NTA – dump him. …
NTA go wash your wang with soap and a rag use friction! Some dudes are just out here messing your PH up!
Listen, it’ll never get better, trust me. It won’t. He’ll always be that way. Either break up with him and reclaim your life, or face mothering his gross ass indefinitely. NTA
>For some context he has really bad diagnosed adhd, and is unmedicated (and is against it too).
Yeah. Sounds like he has undiagnosed self centeredness. Refusing to get help and then relying on your girlfriend to pick up all the slack is embarrassing. You acting like his mother while you two are in a romantic relationship is disturbing, and you should be disgusted by it. And that’s ignoring that his hygiene is your hygiene when you’re in a romantic relationship with someone
Set him free. He has a lot of growing up, manning up, and learning how to live and deal with all his issues as an adult. Once he figures himself out and how he is gonna do the basics for himself from now on, then he’ll be grown enough to date. You’re stunting his growth right now. NTA if you leave. Absolutely the ah if you stay.
…can you just make a rule for yourself that as soon as you realize someone you’re dating doesn’t attend to basic hygiene you stop dating them? based on this post i think it would really help you level up, as far as happiness and energy goes.
Yeah, there’s a pattern here and I have no idea how op chooses her partners
If he can’t handle showering, he’s not going to handle other adult tasks. He’s not ready for a relationship. Plus, no one in their early 20s needs to play mommy to a whiney stinky boy. You can do better, babe.
>”it’s not fair to just expect me to figure it out”
You aren’t expecting him to figure it out. You’re expecting him to understand there’s a problem snd develop some coping skills. If his mental health is *that* bad, that he can’t take care of himself, then he’s not capable of a relationship and it’s not fair to expect you to lower your standards while he’s refusing treatment or to even try to do better. Plenty of unmedicated sufferers of ADHD find ways to cope. NTA
Edit: 2 words
this was actual useful information, thank you
You’re 23. Why are you wasting time on a boy who needs to be reminded to brush his teeth.
Girl, run!!!!
Fast!
NTA – ewwww. Im a dude, and hygiene is a complete deal breaker for me. Is there really this many crusty ass dudes running around out there. How do you be intimate with someone who smells bad? I’ll never understand that. Also, adhd here, too. Smelling like shit is NOT attention disorder unless your nose has adhd. If anything, once you have a distraction, the smell, it should make you hyper fixated on getting rid of it.
YTA
>I have spent too much time with too many exes in the past who refused to take care of themselves
So then stop dating guys with poor hygiene and stop trying to.chamge people. You are not his Mommy.
If you don’t want to date someone with poor hygiene, don’t. .. but that also means this guy isn’t the one for you.
You know that you don’t have to date right? You can get a dog or cat or an AI chatbot and not have to keep reminding adults to bathe?