I’m 35M, my wife is 33F, married 5 years. This feels kind of dumb to even be arguing about, but here we are.
Over the last year my wife has gotten really intense about food. She cooks everything from scratch now. Not just dinner, but literally all of it. It started off just bread, granola, cakes and stuff like that. But now it’s pasta sauces, potato waffles, literally everything!
Before anyone jumps on me, yes, her food is good. She’s a good cook and I know she puts a ton of time into it. That’s not the issue. The issue is that sometimes I don’t want a homemade version of things. Sometimes I just want the normal, store-bought kind.
Her argument is that she does most of the cooking and grocery shopping, so it makes sense to do things her way. She also says she doesn’t want junk food in the house at all because it “goes against her values.” I don’t really get that, but okay.
What bugs me is her solution, which is that if I want junk food, I should eat it outside the house. So now if I want a burger or chips or whatever, I’m grabbing fast food on the way home or eating snacks at work like I’m hiding it. That feels ridiculous to me. I’m an adult, not a kid sneaking candy. I feel very deceptive.
Whenever I bring this up, she says I’m being ungrateful and dismissing how much work she puts in. I don’t think that’s fair. I appreciate the effort, I just don’t want every single food choice to be homemade and “healthy” all the time.
Am I actually the asshole here for wanting some normal, unhealthy food in my own house?
NTA as a wife that LOVES to cook from scratch, there are times when kraft mac n cheese sounds good or a frozen pizza. Doesn’t mean my mac n cheese isnt better or that my fresh made pizza isnt more delicious. Just sometimes we want what were used to, or comfort food. Your a grown adult. You should be able to eat those things in your home. Your not a petulant child asking for more goldfish as your primary meal. Try to talk to her and get to the heart of it. But remind just as much as she is wanting you to respect rhat she does the cooking and wants to do it fro. scratch, having creature comforts for you to consume or make yourself is perfectly reasonable. Your not forcing her to eat them.
“there are times when kraft mac n cheese sounds good or a frozen pizza. Doesn’t mean my mac n cheese isnt better or that my fresh made pizza isnt more delicious”
See I disagreeish, if am craving/feeling a mcdonalds big Mac, or super greasy diner burger, a hand crafted gourmet grass fed burger isn’t better, it is worse it is not what I wanted.
Yes most of the time 9 out of 10 I would prefer the craft burger, but sometimes you want the “lower quality version” because at that moment it is actually higher quality.
> 9 times out of 10 I would prefer the craft burger
This is what they meant by “it doesn’t mean my homemade version isn’t better.” You’re saying the same thing they are, but with different words
NTA. You’re a grown man and it sounds like your wife has gotten a bit controlling in regards to food. You’re in a marriage, not prison. You’re allowed choices. Choose a couple days a week where you’ll take care of your meals and stick to that. It’s not ungrateful – your wife is your partner – not your mom.
She doesn’t get to rule on every piece of food that comes into the house.
Nothing says you have to eat the same meals at every sitting.
NTA.
There’s nothing wrong with having occasional times where each of you is responsible for your own meal. (In my house, we call that “freelancing for dinner.”) Put a few of those on the schedule in advance (say, one dinner each week and a weekend lunch?) so she knows when not to cook for both of you.
Boyyyy if you don’t eat your homemade potato waffles and shut the hell up. Jesus.
OP’s steak is too juicy and his lobster is too buttery
I mean…
as a middle european this might be a different perspective, but…
around here what your wife is cooking is considered normal fool. If someone cooked a full on homemade dinner for me every day, I would be in heaven, ngl.
Store-bought pasta sauces are for times of need when you can’t make yourself cook and students who find them cheaper and don’t want to cook for one person. We don’t have potato waffles but there is something similar from grated potatoes and those are something you make at home. You don’t buy that. If you love somebody, you bake that damn cake yourself. The more you can make “from scratch” the better. On one hand it is better and on the other hand you know what went into it. There is SO MUCH STUFF in store-bought ready food; preservatives, so much more salt and sugar and often terrible fats than is needed because that stuff needs to be good for ages. That is why we crave that stuff. It’s designed to be addictive.
NAH here, but you’ll need some kind of middle ground. I will go out on a limb here and say your wife wants your best, wants you in your best health and does not want junk food in the house so she is not tempted to eat it. Just a wild guess.
HOWEVER, if you want a burger and french fries, you can also make that at home. Homemade does not equal healthy. It most likely is healthier than store-made, but no matter how homemade your Cheeseburger with bacon and fries will be… it will not become healthy.
You will need find some middle ground like takeout once a month. Sneaking junk food is not really a healthy way of dealing with this and imho, it is her house, but it is also your house so her “values” do not dictate everything.
Tell her that you appreciate her cooking and her effort, but that once in a little while you want to be unreasonable and eat a burger or a pizza. Find a middle ground. Find a place for your snackies where you can put them and she is not bothered by them.
There must be times where you live that people eat store bought bread or jam etc.
The fact that you admittedly refer to junk food as “normal” food rather than actual normal food is very concerning. Whining about not having branded junk food is absolutely wild. It’s okay to want junk food sometimes, but acting like you are being punished for having homemade meals made for you is entitled brat behavior. I expect this behavior from a child.
However, I do think it is ridiculous that you have to hide when you do choose to eat something like that. That aspect is what makes it ESH.
You suck for calling it “normal food” like what she’s making is wrong or crazy. But NTA for wanting some snacks and ready-made stuff around for a quick bite. Go to the store yourself and get what you need.
NTA- I was going to vote Y T A because “she does most of the cooking and grocery shopping” so it DOES make sense to do things her way. But her solution should be you can buy and eat junk or store-bought food if you get and make it yourself. But to completely ban it from the house you also live in and pay for because it goes against *her* morals? Nuh uh. She can buy and make food how she wants and choose to ignore the store-bought junk food you buy and make for yourself. The compromise is so simple, but she wants you to make all the sacrifices so she doesn’t have to make any.
It’s as if all the people with unhealthy views on food came to call you an asshole
Like, even if her food is delicious, my man here is sort of getting his life policed. He shouldn’t feel as though he feels completely restricted and have to hide this shit. Once you’re in a position like this it’s problematic
I kinda think this is more a relational issue and less of who’s an asshole
I think I’ve learned people have shitty views on food on Reddit.
This has less to do with being upset his wife makes amazing food and has ANYONE fully control what he sometimes wants to eat in his own house. It’s not as if he’s rejecting her food because he wants chicken nuggets every night.
Sometimes I want a hoagie on a Saturday afternoon, not the fucking reading terminal market waiting for a 2 hour lunch. That isn’t unreasonable in your own house.
It’s about control, people.
Yall need to chill, you’ve completely missed the entire point and went straight into views on processed foods